To refuse to go to party week before Christmas

[Coffeesoon]

It's mil birthday a week before Christmas and shes having a party. Meal out in restaurant with 25/ 30 people. We have been sick for Christmas before and i dont want to be sick this year or the kids.
I dont want to incase we pick something up in a busy restaurant, dh thinks im.being ridiculous. Sil has form for bringing her kids to things when they clearly have coughs and colds without telling us and then giving it to my kids!
Am I over thinking this and should I just go? Dh thinks its not an option to not go and that he and the kids will be going whether I go or not.

A week before Christmas most people are still at work and children are still at school/nursery. You will likely be going into shops, Christmas events and mixing with lots of other people so in my honest opinion it sounds like you just don't like your MIL rather than you want to avoid illness.

It's her birthday and of course you should all attend a family meal.

Are you going to avoid all busy places in the week leading up to Christmas?

Yes, I think you’re being ridiculous. It’s a restaurant, not a COVID ward at the height of the pandemic. Surely, the kids are in school a week before Christmas, and at the moment, our school is exploding with respiratory infections, vomiting bugs and chicken pox.

I’m immunocompromised with cancer and I’m not avoiding going out. What’s the point of hiding at home just for one day of presents and a roast? I’d much rather be out living my life.

Yeah that is overkill unless you are otherwise locking yourselves away for the whole week - no more likely to get ill as a result of that gathering than you are from work/school/public transport/ shops.

Yeah I also think you’re being ridiculous, you can’t expect him not to go to his mothers party, their grannies party, as you’re worried you will catch something, unless something missing where you’re vulnerable even if you did you’d be fine for Xmas,

If hubby and kids are going you still run the risk of catching whatever bug is going round.

I think she wants none of them to go.

Are you removing your kids from school, taking time off work and shutting yourselves away from now until Christmas?

It’s her birthday and then Christmas. That means family. How boring to refuse to attend a party because you might get sick, when no one is sick. You’re being really selfish and really miserable. I’d bet you’d go if it was your mum.

One th assumption none of you is immunocompromised YABVU

YABR
(R= Ridiculous)

Yeah I think you’re mad. There’s nothing lurking in a restaurant that you won’t come across at work, nursery and school. Or soft play, shops, Santa’s grotto or anywhere else you might be going.

I don’t get why people want to virtually quarantine their kids; let them go to the party. I think this kind of avoidant behaviour is the type of stuff that kids pick up on, then mimic themselves.

I totally get what you mean. At this time of year, I just want to hibernate. I don’t want to go to events, parties, shops, restaurants, theatres. I want everyone to leave me in peace! Unfortunately, I think you’d be pretty unreasonable to not go to your MIL’s birthday party. It’s as important to her as Christmas.

What would you do if it was your DM’s birthday?

You sound very anxious. Is this really just about being ill, or not?

Saying this gently but do you have health anxiety or are there problems in your relationship with MIL and her family? Perhaps go for the shortest time possible and avoid social hugging/kissing.

Isn’t it more likely that the children will pick up illnesses at school?

Are your plans to isolate the whole week before Christmas? Don't you have to go out to places with other people, with DC, work? Sorry but this is definitely overthinking to be the only worry of catching germs.

Well seems im being very unreasonable 🙈
No problem with mil but I suppose i do have some health anxiety issues.
I just wanted some other opinions and seems like I need to get a grip.
Is there anything apart from washing hands I could do to avoid any bugs, I can't really go in a face mask!

You’re being completely ridiculous and anti-social. Would you do it if it was your mum, or is it just a mother in law issue?

You need to get therapy for your health anxiety. It isn’t a quick fix, but you can’t live your life worrying about catching a cold. Getting ill is crap but it is part of life. And I certainly wouldn’t fancy the alternative!

DH swears by Vicks first defence nasal spray you use it when you think you have a cold coming. Give that a try as a preventative

Honestly, get a grip. They’re family, not plague-carriers. Go, try to relax. Getting ill over Christmas happens once every 15(ish) years for most people,. So you’ve already paid your dues!

Thank you I think I'll get some.

So you don’t go to the supermarket, kids to school or to work in the week prior? Yes you’re being ridiculous I’m afraid.

You could put First Defence up your noses ahead of the event. Or NasalGuard Cold & Flu block.