To refuse to go to party week before Christmas

[Coffeesoon]

It's mil birthday a week before Christmas and shes having a party. Meal out in restaurant with 25/ 30 people. We have been sick for Christmas before and i dont want to be sick this year or the kids.
I dont want to incase we pick something up in a busy restaurant, dh thinks im.being ridiculous. Sil has form for bringing her kids to things when they clearly have coughs and colds without telling us and then giving it to my kids!
Am I over thinking this and should I just go? Dh thinks its not an option to not go and that he and the kids will be going whether I go or not.

First defense is good stuff. I used it when the whole house came down with a cold and mine was definitely the mildest out of the lot.

You’re seriously suggesting going into quarantine a week before Christmas? That’s absolutely crazy behaviour, and will burn bridges with family and friends very quickly. Most people are out and about having fun in the run up to the big day - it’s an absolutely terrible (and offensive) excuse to give for missing a family member’s event.

Absolutely smacks of a BS excuse to not go and see your MIL. Need to try a bit harder.

If my DIL or SIL made this lame excuse to not come to my party I would be utterly offended and definitely think they didn't like me.

Poor woman's probably had similar excuses all her life, given how near to Christmas her birthday is.

And you wonder why he thinks you are unreasonable?

I stick all sorts of gels and sprays up my nose (I’m immunocompromised) if I go into a busy place - hand gel, Dettol anti-viral, you name it.

Lots of handwashing and hand gels.

And I do take a mask with me in case someone next to me starts with the explosive coughing.

If I didn't want to go because of a problem with mil I would posting about a mil problem wouldn't I?

i agree with your husband !

You're mad and I would be totally upset and fucked off if I were your DH and MIL.

I haven't told mil, dh is fucked off with me which is unusual because hes very easy going. I'm going to go, its clear im being very unreasonable

As others have asked, were you planning on staying home and avoiding any thing involving life outside the house? Supermarkets, shops, work, school and so on. If that was your plan and you told DH that then maybe it would have sounded more rational. But unless the whole family are doing this then it would be pretty pointless anyway.
I am not sure how one meal would be any different than going to the supermarkets which are busy at this time of year and handling a trolley or basket that tons of other people have touched. In fact the restaurant is probably better!

That's more than fair enough OP - you asked for opinions and you took them graciously with no flouncing.

As someone who also has a birthday a week before Christmas, I would suggest she probably has.

Poor woman can't help when her birthday is.

First defence has some actual evidence behind it that it’s effective.

Handwashing, not sharing food and not sharing cutlery are very effective. Very little is actually transmitted through the air. It’s generally contact.

I think a meal before xmas with school age kids is likely to result in illness for someone, yes, because eating together is definitely more risky than just going to busy places. But i am not sure you can live your life trying to avoid illness all the time. How offended will mil be if you don't go? And why are you particularly worried about getting ill this year?

Fair play op for accepting the feedback!! Maybe useful to see your gp about the health anxiety?

You might feel better if you can get some control of the situation, by minimising picking up a bug. Some good suggestions here:
First defence nasal spray
Hand gel all your hands before you eat and after returning from the loo.
Accompany kids to the loo to supervise handwashing with soap and avoid them touching the taps and door handles on the way out. Use a disposable tissue to grab door handles.
You could even decant some Dettol spray into a handheld spray bottle, put in handbags and spray any taps before touching.

That is bonkers. If you get sick over Christmas, drink some brandy and power on through. It pretty rare to be bed bound from sickness.

Are you going literally nowhere in the time period, kids taken out of school, not going to work or any place where there’s other people?

Get therapy for your anxiety, this really is no way to live your life.

You can’t live your life scared of catching bugs. You could stay home and still come down with something if you’ve all been to work and school

Your DC will have loads of fun seeing their cousins and getting excited about Christmas. The restaurant will have sparkly lights and everyone will be joyful. It all sounds lovely apart from you being the Debbie downer about it.

Unless you stride around in a full NBC suit, getting colds and viruses is inevitable in the winter. Your kids actually need that exposure to develop their own immune systems and nothing is more virulent than primary schools and nurseries. So unless you’re going to hermetically seal them in some sterile room I think you need to get a grip. Your own mindset is more unhealthy for your family than a cough or cold.

I'll get some vicks first defense. It's more the kids bring sick than myself, ill just dose up. Last year they were so sick at Christmas and really had a miserable time so I've become anxious to avoid it happening again but I think I've probably become a bit obsessed with it