To refuse to go to party week before Christmas

[Coffeesoon]

It's mil birthday a week before Christmas and shes having a party. Meal out in restaurant with 25/ 30 people. We have been sick for Christmas before and i dont want to be sick this year or the kids.
I dont want to incase we pick something up in a busy restaurant, dh thinks im.being ridiculous. Sil has form for bringing her kids to things when they clearly have coughs and colds without telling us and then giving it to my kids!
Am I over thinking this and should I just go? Dh thinks its not an option to not go and that he and the kids will be going whether I go or not.

For goodness sake you are being extremely unreasonable. There are bugs everywhere. Do you not send your children to school? Go to work? Go to the supermarket?
I would be very pissed off with you if I were your DH

Surely kids are still at school?
You'll need to hit the shops at least once before xmas?
Work?

How do you expect to stay indoors for the next 2 weeks OP!? This has me totally baffled

Our kids school is absolutely rife with sickness bugs and flu at the moment. Half classes and no assemblies as a result, and its been going on for 2 weeks already and still taking kids out daily! Hideous. But its unavoidable. My (so far healthy) kids have to go to school. I have to go to work. And we have to now and again have some form of social life! Putting life on complete hold for 2 whole weeks for the sake of one day (albeit xmas) is madness!

I understand - my sil and bil also have form for this, we saw them the other week and I hugged dn and sil said “shes shattered, she was throwing up last night!” Why come to someone’s house with a vomiting child??!! We have caught so many bugs after spending time with them.
We also have a no socialising in the week before Xmas rule, obviously we do what we have to work, school etc but no parties or big events as yes we have been extremely ill at Xmas before.

am assuming you are masking up and keeping the kids off school?

Don't be ridiculous. If you don't want to go, don't go. But DH should take your DCs to their grandmother's birthday meal.

(also don't be a dick to your MIL - having a December birthday is bollocks enough without precious people sticking the oar in )

I’m glad you’ve changed your mind OP. I do sympathise, if people remember a lot of people were doing this around covid, it’s not totally insane. I know I def think about the times I’m around lots of people in the lead up to Christmas or holidays. The key though is not to actually let it dictate your life. Get your flu jabs, wash your hands, the rest just needs to be accepted as life.

If they are sick at Christmas then postpone the day till they are better

Unless you and DH and the children are avoiding all mixing between now and Christmas day you are being very unreasonable

I just dont understand why people do this. Kids are coughing, heavy colds and they turn up and say oh its just a cold and then we all get it.

I did this once: we were going to Disneyworld for Christmas and NO WAY was anyone going to get sick and ruin it, not to mention the £££££££££ it cost. (Worth every darn penny, I must say!)

But in normal times - no, someone somewhere even in Waitrose is going to breathe on you. And missing mil’s birthday surely would be a diplomatic incident to end all diplomatic incidents…

Haha I was like this before Disney too, I wouldn’t let the kids go out and play the weekend before in case they broke a bone 🤣

I would go out for a meal. However I did turn down a soft play invitation for my child for a few days before Christmas as I was worried about her catching a sick bug. But that was because she has twice had sick bugs that I am fairly certain came from soft play so I try to avoid them during the winter months now anyway when there are more illnesses around, and especially don’t want her being ill at Christmas.

Assuming you work, go shopping, have kids in school / college / nursery, go about your daily life normally.... Then I can't really see why your MIL birthday meal is an issue?

Whilst I understand the dread of having sick kids for Christmas (mine are 5 and nearly 3 and the last few winters have been hell), I do think you're being unreasonable unless you are planning to lock your children up for the next two weeks. We are flying to my home (UK) next week and whilst I'm not doing "extra" activities, I wouldn't dream of stopping my kids going to nursery / Christmas parties etc. in the UK, I have Christmas activities booked and whilst it's all a risk of getting sick, staying home and away from everything isn't healthy mentally. Though I really do sympathise... Getting sick is relentless with small children and over Christmas sucks but you can't shield yourselves away, op.

If you haven't already I'd think about getting a flu vaccine (will cost £15-20 unless you're eligible for a free one). It takes I think 7-10 days to become effective so you could still get one before the meal.

I think your health anxiety is harming your view on this, you should go and look into support for your anxieties.

If you have planned the trip of a lifetime for Christmas, I sympathise.

If it's just Christmas, you are being ridiculous. At worst, you have a cold oin Christmas day, cold that you might have caught from anywhere anyway. So what? not worth putting your life on hold for weeks for one day.

Unless you plan to stay home isolated from school, work,nursery, shops, all social events yabu. You can literally get sick from any of these things so its a bit selective to only refuse your mil party

Op just ask them or the venue to open windows

It's rubbish having a Christmas birthday.

Would you go to your own mother's birthday party, or your dearest friend's that week?

You are being ridiculous, and unkind to both MIL and DH.

YABU. How shit would it be for your MIL if everyone took your view and no one bothered to see her for her birthday??

@Starlight1984 its December , it’s usually too cold for open windows

@Cherrytree86 it's essential actually and unless op is way up north down south is unseasonably warm.
Insisting on keeping windows permanently shut and not understanding the role fresh air and ventilation play in keeping us well is what's helping to drive these health emergencies.

To keep any room safer a few opposing windows should be open and failing that once every hour for a good ten mins.

The op understands that they could pick up viruses at school / work. It’s about reducing risk not eradicating it.

Have an evening with your feet up and let him enjoy the night with the kids!
You don’t have to be so negative about it and neither do you have to go! That doesn’t stop him and the kids though!

Have an evening with your feet up and let him enjoy the night with the kids!
You don’t have to be so negative about it and neither do you have to go! That doesn’t stop him and the kids though!

Have an evening with your feet up and let him enjoy the night with the kids!
You don’t have to be so negative about it and neither do you have to go! That doesn’t stop him and the kids though!