To refuse to go to party week before Christmas

[Coffeesoon]

It's mil birthday a week before Christmas and shes having a party. Meal out in restaurant with 25/ 30 people. We have been sick for Christmas before and i dont want to be sick this year or the kids.
I dont want to incase we pick something up in a busy restaurant, dh thinks im.being ridiculous. Sil has form for bringing her kids to things when they clearly have coughs and colds without telling us and then giving it to my kids!
Am I over thinking this and should I just go? Dh thinks its not an option to not go and that he and the kids will be going whether I go or not.

Have you had the flu jab? That’s the best thing to do.

You said it. You have health anxiety and and yes, you need to get a grip.

I didnt get a flu jab after a bad reaction to covid jab. But I've bought some vicks first defence and antibacterial hand gel.
I know i need to stop worrying and just enjoy the evening and run up to Christmas. I dont want my dd to start getting anxious about it so we will definitely all go.
I do have some health anxiety issues, I think since covid. I do worry about alot of health things but I try to stay away from too much social media. I do tend to blame myself if I get sick, I should have done this or not done that so its probably something to work on.
I think i owe dh an apology and I'm just glad I didn't mention this to mil or she would definitely think im batshit crazy, even more than she probably already does😂

Actually, you are not being unreasonable.
This year the 'flu going around is having a much worse effect than usual (possibly because of underlying damage COVID has done to all our immune systems). And the NHS is extremely worried about possible overwhelm from numbers of people having to be admitted.

Best policy is to get both jabs - 'flu & COVID - , if you can afford it, for yourself and your children (but not both together - some people have adverse reaction to dual-jabs).

Also RSV is a rising problem this winter - there is a jab, but not widely available on NHS - so, another expense.
Crowded restaurants, lots of people eating, talking (loudly because of noise) are among the most effective contexts for airborne viral transmission.
Prophylactic nasal sprays (carageenan-based ones are good) prior to event and, immediately after, mouth washing/gargling with CPV-containing mouthwash (Dentyl Dual Action and Colgate Plax are two examples).
Our rulers: Govt; global oligarchies; media barons, & the b'aires that fund them) all have air-purification installations at every place they meet (e.g. HofP; HofL not to mention Davos, White House, etc).
But no such thing is deemed necessary for schools, hospitals, GPs surgeries. We are the expendable hoi polloi.

ps the ONLY time I ever got COVID was 2022 when I went to early Christmas parties on two consecutive days. Four days later: +ve test. Fortunately, wasn't too bad (tho' I've never felt so weirdly ill) and, even more fortunately, recovered in time not to infect relatives coming for Christmas.

So. No. YANBU.

PS. Anti-microbial hand-gel is GREAT for wiping down surfaces, e.g. mucky tables in restaurants, and will help against NOROVIRUS.

But COVID and 'flu are MAINLY AIR-BORNE.
This is thoroughly well attested.
Think about why is this incontrovertible scientific/medical knowledge is not thoroughly well disseminated throughout MSN and public platforms?

Don't believe me. Just start to do a little of your own research.

Go to the experts and academics.

Avoid the billionaire-owned mainstream media.

If you are anxious you can check with your SIL that her children are ok and don't sit near anyone with a cold or cough, you can't do much more.

This week and next week will have been to 2 different Christmas markets, a Santa parade, a Christmas party at the community centre, a carol service that my childrens granny sings at and arts and crafts at the library. Plus my children are in school and toddler group. What are you going to do? You can't stop in the house 24/7 before Christmas. It will ruin the whole build up to Christmas which is half the fun. I'm sure a meal out will be fine.
If children are going to get sick it will probably be from school. I swear half my daughters class was coughing today going into school. Just make sure they wash their hands plenty and you can try some hand gel and just hope. 🤞

YABU. If you don’t want to go then just be honest and say. But it’s absolutely ridiculous to be concerned about picking up germs.

Unless you and your immediate family are going to live in a self contained bubble for the whole of December YABU. Assuming you are still going out shopping / DH is going to work and you will meet up with others in that week you are just as likely to catch a cold as if you go to the restaurant. On this one I agree with your DH.

I'd just like to say kudos to you OP for asking, reading the room and listening to others! I'm seriously impressed! Usually OPs on AIBU either insist hey are perfect or flounce off in a huff when most disagree with them!

I hope you don't worry too much and get to enjoy the event.

This sounds like the way we were forcer to behave during Covid!Does your family hibernate before Xmas?What about school and jobs?
Of course you should go to MIL birthday.

@MaddestGranny good post.
All these places could help with nature's air pueifyer and simply open windows occasionally.
But people get vicious if they feel a teeny bit cold for a few moments.

I don't blame you at all op the flu sounds awful...I'm worried.

I definitely reduce contacts whilst so many people are saying they are ill to avoid ruining Christmas…many friends do the same OP …personal choice

The two vaccinations are completely different so the one thing you could have done to avoid flu you didn't do !

i don’t think you’re being ridiculous. Last year on a flight to New York (I’m convinced due to the amount of clearly sick people) I caught norovirus and my wife caught Covid. A few days later we gave them to each other and I had the worst Christmas in a tiny hotel room in New York lol.

we have a big work meeting next week. I know people will drag themselves in with flu as is making the rounds. I really don’t want to go. I am tempted to try and get out of it and work from home next week as we’re going away again at Christmas and I really don’t want to be ill.

However it’s your MILs bday and your DH isn’t onboard so even I think you’re just going to have to suck it up and if anyone’s got a cough sit away from then and keep your fingers crossed

Are you going to keep your children off school for the next 6 days of school?

By working and going to school, you are socialising! 🤦🏻‍♀️

No you’re attending mandatory things. Socialising is optional

Actually I think your SIL is BU for bringing sick kids out to events, as she has done in the past. That would be pretty selfish, knowingly giving all the family a bug just before Christmas. Honestly I'd be tempted to have a word beforehand about whether they are well enough to come, but then I am quite gobby.

You're catastrophising by deciding in advance that you'll all get ill and it will ruin Christmas. Go and celebrate with family. Enjoy yourselves. Just wash DC's hands thoroughly, or get them to if they are old enough, before they eat anything, and when they get home. Use First Defence if anyone has even the slightest sign of a sniffle.

Flu is rife this year! Some of the Northern hospitals are full to overflowing (on BBC News today) so it would be good to get a jab if you’re concerned. I didn’t have any reaction to the flu vaccine this year but was laid up for 5-6 days with the Covid one.

My husband and I got married 5 days before Christmas in 2020 (Covid times). Every single one of our guests made it and all was good 😀

You were planning on not attending your MIL's party but haven't bothered to get the flu vaccine? Have your kids had the flu vaccine?

I do feel sorry for your mother-in-law, anyone whose birthday is around Christmas time understands that they will get a lot of cancellations for their party...
It's not her fault her birthday is a week before Christmas.

But, I understand your position, if you are really trying to minimize the amount of public places that you spend time in a week before Christmas so to minimize the probability that you'll pick something up and be sick for Christmas.

Then I ask, do you Go to work? Does your partner go to work? Do you have kids and do they go to school? When you go grocery shopping or other shopping that you might do, do you order everything online to be delivered so you don't have to go into a store?
If the answer is yes, that you and your husband take the week before Christmas off, and yank your kids if any out of school, and refuse to step foot outside the house for the fear of catching any germs, then no, you should not go to this party.

If you're still going to work and your kids are still going to school and you're still leaving the house and going shopping in other places, then what difference does it make? You just don't want to attend your mother-in-law's party

So just to be clear, you never go anywhere incase your family it’s sick?