To think some people are taking life advice from dysfunctional people and wrecking good relationships?

[YourJadeLion]

I’m seeing more and more women online and in real life leave loyal, supportive partners because someone on the internet told them they “deserve more” or “shouldn’t settle.” And the people giving that advice are often living chaotic, emotionally unstable or completely unaccountable lives. Some of these women had husbands who were faithful, consistent and kind but got convinced that because their relationship wasn’t hyper-romantic or perfectly Instagrammable, it wasn’t enough.

I’m all for leaving toxic or abusive relationships. But AIBU to think a lot of women are being manipulated by dysfunction disguised as empowerment and they’ll end up lonely, regretting it and wondering where it all went wrong?

(Not anti-feminism. Just pro-critical thinking.)

Are you Male or Female Op?

LTB is a favourite on here.

Post about a happy marriage and you'll get told he's probably having an affair/will leave you/they're all the same etc.

Sad how even the littlest thing gets LTB comments when sometimes the OP just wants to vent a bit.

YABU.

erday 20:59
I’m seeing more and more women online and in real life leave loyal, supportive partners because someone on the internet told them they “deserve more” or “shouldn’t settle.”

This does not happen

Also you have zero idea what a relationship you are not part of is like

Is that happening?! If it is then I'd say if people are going to take advice of some wannabe carcrash on the Internet, then more fool them. And quite honestly, the guys in question have dodged a bullet.

See I used to think that too. But i don't know if it's because I've been here a while or just posts are getting worse. But I seem to notice more these days someone asks a simple enough question about 'AIBU to be annoyed my husband has gone out for the evening'. But then the background info to the relationship sounds like an absolute shit show! The actual problem they've asked about is the last thing they should be concerned with!

There seems to be a lot of public panic about women (and women alone) leaving partnerships they are unhappy with or choosing not to enter into relationships. Whether it’s the latest incel King, Scott Galloway and his panic about the impact of women’s preferences on men’s dating options or people like OP panicking over allegedly happy women, leaving allegedly bad relationships due to allegedly bad advice from allegedly “bitter and single” women (that old misogynist canard) I do wonder where this recent panicking is coming from.

This!!!

Patronising and condescending as hell.

I agree with you, YourJadeLion. The government is full of them - liars, cheats, tax dodgers, frauds who surround the biggest hypocrite of all at the helm of a rudderless boat who all dictate "Do as I say, no as I do"

I don't think anyone's leaving a good relationship because someone told them to.

I do think these kinds of conversations sow discontent, and things that might previously have equalled a perfectly fine relationship, with a bit of give and take, begin to be seen as unfullfilling or overly demanding.

That may or may not be a good thing.

On the surface and to the outside world my exDH looked amazing! Generous, funny, successful, adoring. But the reality was that he was an alcoholic in total denial, a needy hypochondriac and unreasonably jealous and insecure. I did ltb. A year ago. And I’ve had the best year ever!!!

Unfortunately, all too often, 'work through' actually means learn to settle and put up with things - with the burden on this placed on the woman with the man just carrying on as before.

A friend of mine said to me, in her cultural background, a “good” marriage was often one where the husband was happy and the woman was enduring whatever it took to make the marriage work/last.

It’s weird you state she remained single as if it was a cautionary tale.

Almost as common as accusing posters who disagree with OP as being bitter and single.

I do wonder where this recent panicking is coming from

Exactly. It isn't women who are worrying.

We are either happily married and don't need to listen to randomised voices on the internet.

OR

Happily single.

No one leaves a functional relationship because someone we don't know says LTB on the internet.

@YourJadeLion if this is of a concern to you, chances are you're either a man who has been left or a bloke trying to control a woman.

You are totally right. You are better off doing the thinking for yourself rather than ask the randos on the internet who you probably wouldn't talk to in real life.

You’re right! There’s much more likelihood of seeing ‘Bin that bastard, sister. He’s a walking red flag!’ or ‘He must be having an affair! There’s no other explanation for it’ posts on here, rather than ‘Have you talked it through with him and explained how you feel?’ or ‘Have you considered couples therapy’ posts.
I’ve also noticed a huge tendency to only consider one side of the story and a cult of women who will send these guys to damnation, even when there COULD BE a totally plausible explanation.
It’s a bit like a nasty school girl gang sometimes and can be hard to read at times.

What MN is best at, is peeling away layers of dysfunction that's not even apparent to the OP.

Amd if the Internet makes you leave a good relationship, you should probably step away from the Internet and work on your confidence, self-trust and resilience.

You mean like
My BF brushed past the lady at the newsagents now I am paranoid

highly intelligent replies
Oh he fancies her
watch out he is up to no good
OMG he is cheating definitely
he goes there to have a secret affair with her
they have secret love children
check he is not hiding money under the bed they are running a scam
you need to get out there is so many red flags grey rock him

I’ve been on mn for 17 years, mostly too much.
I have NEVER seen a LTB from what seems like a small snapshot, be incorrect, as the op adds more info.
I think the difference is that some responders haven’t the experience to realise how that one snapshot will play out in other facets of life, and the ltb-ers can spot it a mile off.

This thread shows how scary it is for some people that women these days can make the choice to be happily single or to leave unhappy/abusive/unequal relationships...

So unsettled are these people that they have to suggest that these women must be "bitter" and "unhappy" to fit their agenda.

Nothing scarier it seems for some that an independent, confident and happy woman who refuses to put up with shitty men.

It’s easy for an outsider to say LTB based on a snapshot of a marriage. The reality of unravelling lives is much more complicated. People sometimes post in the heat of the moment. Obviously if the marriage is one of sustained abuse or deep unhappiness that’s different but then the person posting knows that themselves.

It's either from men or women with very low standards who think other women should stay in crap relationships like they are, poor things.

This.

People need to comment on the actual posts rather than starting separate threads with silly comments about other women being bitter and lonely if they don't have really low standards when it comes to men.