We can’t help if it’s impossible to !!!

[Greyspiders]

Today we have had a massive argument with MIL. She has uninvited us from visiting on Boxing Day due to what she describes as our selfish and cruel behaviour towards her.

Dh was miles away at a hospital appointment with oldest dc. I was at home and then picking up youngest dc from school. MIL phoned me in a panic saying she couldn’t get hold of her son-I explained hes at the hospital and probably can’t answer / no signal? She wanted immediate help to get to the emergency vet and wanted dh , she said she couldn’t even lift the dog (and also she doesn’t drive) and SIL was at work and she refused to disturb her. I said how sorry I was and could I help by sending her the taxi money ? She said it’s impossible to get a taxi that will take a sick dog and that she can’t carry him anyway so what use was that. She said she will keep trying dh and I need to as well as he needed to come straight back. She then said I should be doing things like appointments it’s ’not a mans job’ !!!

I asked was there not some kind of emergency vet that could visit and again said if cost was an issue we would help. She hung up on me. Dh then started messaging as said she was calling him and he couldn’t answer and had messaged her saying he will
call when out of hospital but she kept calling and did I know if she was ok.

She’s now said that I’m stopping her ever having support from her son ?? Which isn’t true as he does a lot for her . She messaged ‘don’t bother visiting on Boxing Day I’ve had enough of you’ .

AIBU as how can she have a go at us for not helping when we were not able to do what she needed ? If he had been here he would have !!

It seems SIL has her measure and would have refused to leave work to provide DDog with transport and that’s why MIL refused to ring her. Give your DH a Christmas gift and cut the apron strings and let him continue to be a reliable father to your DC without all the drama.

Rearrange a hospital appointment? Seriously, is this something you would recommended? Seriously??

Im really hoping your dc is ok after the hospital appointment

How old is MIL?

I bet she gets panicky as she is feeling stranded when things go wrong and having alternative suggestions given to her isn't wha she wants. MIL doesn't want to cope on her own, she wants HER son to put it right

all this silly business of he was there to help before he had a wife/dp and children of his own...

Her solutions weren’t shit 😵‍💫😵‍💫
What exactly should OP have done? 🤔🤔🙄🙄

Accept this wonderful gift and enjoy boxing day 😁

FFS she sounds unhinged.
The less you have to do with her the better.

I really think DH needs to be sterner with her and lay out her behaviours very clearly.

I also think she needs to be told that she is being incredibly selfish in expecting DH to drop his actual children to run to her dog and to not even ASK how her GC got on at the hospital is just unbelievable.

This little routine of regular panic tantrums needs to end.

I hope he doesn't go to her on boxing day. She needs to sit in her discomfort and realise her actions are pushing you all away.

So the dog is more important than GC? You tried to help and find a solution but your MIL was only going to be satisfied by everything being dropped to rescue her.
in my experience people who disinvite people from things are doing so to control and manipulate. If you don’t give in to her demands then you take away her power - enjoy your Boxing Day at home and let her be miserable - she created this and has shown her true feelings towards you and the family that you and your DH have created. She thinks she and SIL are more important than you and your DC

I understand her panicking.
This was her ‘child’ who she thought was going to die - none of us would be calm.

But she was very rude and as you don’t drive then it was not your problem and it’s unfair she took it out on you.
Although she’d still BU, if she was going to take it out on anyone then it should be her actual kids.

I would absolutely not be going for Boxing Day unless she was extremely apologetic and even then I would do it for DH/the kids.
I would likely just get DH to take the kids and stay home.

😂

@Manroout of interest what do you think OP could have offered as another solution?

OP, how far/near is your SIL? Does she do the sort of work it’s difficult to step away from (nurse, police, etc) or could she have helped if called upon. Just curious.

@KTMeetsTheRsUptown id agree with you except she wouldn't interrupt her daughter at work. So her priorities are daughters work, dog, grandchild.

What solution would you have offered, that OP didn’t?!

Right?! For a child, especially when they were ALREADY THERE! I can see how people like the MIL exist, there seem to be a few on this thread….

I think the batshit dog crew have arrived. Dogs above all else.

Don’t go to Boxing Day, you need to establish some boundaries here. I’d call her and say don’t you ever tell my husband off for being at his child’s medical appointment, we will always prioritise our children’s health over your dog, every single time and I never ever want to have this discussion again. We aren’t coming Boxing Day, we don’t want to come over and visit or celebrate when you don’t think dh should be at hospital with his own child. You should be happy your son is a good dad instead of trying to make him less of a good dad and abandon his children.

Last time my dm flounced u didn't see her for 10 years. Twas bloody marvellous..
Leave her to it op.
I hope dh has a go at her for not asking after your dc...
Make Boxing day plans. Then if she comes crawling back it's too late. You are busy.
. I really hope dh has your back here..

Oh my God. Your update has really changed my opinion of her. She wants her son to prioritise her over his child?! She is very selfish and controlling. You gave 3 perfectly good choices, her daughter, taxi or home visit from the vet. It was nice of you to offer some money. I can't believe she's excluding you from boxing day! I'd stay home with your husband and enjoy it! I don't think I'd bother visiting her again

Feels like this. Plus she’s manufacturing / demanding situations to make him “pick” her. What decent person wants a child to miss out on a hospital appointment (which they may have waited months or years for) because she can’t do adulting. She’s ridiculous. Glad your husband has your back and his priorities in order -unlike his mother

All of that being true doesn't make the way she's treated the OP acceptable.

She then said I should be doing things like appointments it’s ’not a mans job’ !!!

Yet she wants him to take her to a vets appointment?

So, some appointments are a man's job 😂

Even if Op's solution's were shit, it wasn't her problem to sort out.

What did DH say to her when she said only he was invited to boxing say and not you?

Seems you have a day free to do what you want. Freedom, get some planning done.

So @Greyspiders I take it you didn't cunningly plan to get a hospital appointment for DC at the same time as MIL's dog became ill ? yet it's all your fault that DH wasn't available because he was at the hospital with his child and it's also all your fault because he didn't respond in the way she wanted him too ?.

Out of interest would she have expected him to leave work in that situation, but wouldn't trouble SIL at work ?