We can’t help if it’s impossible to !!!

[Greyspiders]

Today we have had a massive argument with MIL. She has uninvited us from visiting on Boxing Day due to what she describes as our selfish and cruel behaviour towards her.

Dh was miles away at a hospital appointment with oldest dc. I was at home and then picking up youngest dc from school. MIL phoned me in a panic saying she couldn’t get hold of her son-I explained hes at the hospital and probably can’t answer / no signal? She wanted immediate help to get to the emergency vet and wanted dh , she said she couldn’t even lift the dog (and also she doesn’t drive) and SIL was at work and she refused to disturb her. I said how sorry I was and could I help by sending her the taxi money ? She said it’s impossible to get a taxi that will take a sick dog and that she can’t carry him anyway so what use was that. She said she will keep trying dh and I need to as well as he needed to come straight back. She then said I should be doing things like appointments it’s ’not a mans job’ !!!

I asked was there not some kind of emergency vet that could visit and again said if cost was an issue we would help. She hung up on me. Dh then started messaging as said she was calling him and he couldn’t answer and had messaged her saying he will
call when out of hospital but she kept calling and did I know if she was ok.

She’s now said that I’m stopping her ever having support from her son ?? Which isn’t true as he does a lot for her . She messaged ‘don’t bother visiting on Boxing Day I’ve had enough of you’ .

AIBU as how can she have a go at us for not helping when we were not able to do what she needed ? If he had been here he would have !!

She could have called a taxi and let them know she had a sick dog. Taxi firms usually oblige.

I'm guessing MIL will change her mind just before Xmas and invite you... and then be all upset when you say you've made other plans now.

Honestly I know someone a bit like your mil. They are lovely 90% of the time but if something is going wrong in their life and they feel that they have to get the solution they want. Even if it is not possible. They behave in quite a nasty manner. In my experience they are getting worse and worse and I am distancing myself from them as much as possible.

MIL shouldn't have a pet if she can't respond correctly in an emergency.

‘don’t bother visiting on Boxing Day I’ve had enough of you

Let her have this last word...and see how long it is until she contacts you again.

Selfish old bat! I would have phone SIL and asked her to go help. Yes, the dog is important and she was in a panic at the time, but if you live away, then she should have sought closer help surely? Has she upset her neighbours so much that she could not ask them for help?

Remind her that while the dog is important, her grandchild is more so. Ask her how she would feel if her parents had prioritised a pet over her children. Then tell her that HER behaviour made you decide not to come anyway. If you have a good relationship with SIL, invite her for Boxing Day to yours.

Think back, is it always like this or is SIL so fed up with constant demands that she will no longer help, or has MIL always asked your DH because his sister is not a helpful person? Tell your children the truth - that Grandma is having a tantrum and they will not see her over Christmas until she behaves.

She sounds like a nasty horror.
How you move on from someone speaking to you like that, I certainly can't imagine.

I would do this, but I would also follow it up with "unfortunately we've now made other plans" when she turns around next week and changes her mind

I would do this, but I would also follow it up with "unfortunately we've now made other plans" when she turns around next week and changes her mind

Maybe without the "unfortunately"?

Agree with this. If someone doesn’t drive that doesn’t mean people with cars are obliged to respond to requests for lifts. There are taxis for emergencies- most areas have more than one.

What a cowbag. Have a lovely time without her 💐

She sounds unhinged to have fallen out with you over that when you did nothing wrong. I don't see how you were responsible for getting your husband away but he wasn't responsible for answering her calls.

Enjoy your boxing day. Plan something nice :)

This is so awful for you OP, sounds like you offered calm reasonable solutions whilst you were also looking after one child and probably worrying about the other one. Glad your husband is_on the same page as well (as he should be!). She sounds like that classic jealous boy mum :'you took my precious boy away from me'. Very manipulative and immature. I'm a single parent and although I have help and support from my parents, I've learned to do stuff on my own, and when I'm old I know that it's not my daughter's job to be at my beck and call!

yes, or a neighbour or a friend. I'm determined to not be that old lady who solely relies on her kids to run around after her.

FFS did you bother reading ANY of the OP's posts before replying with such asinine drivel??🙄

Presumably DH took one DC to hospital appt as you needed to collect the other DC from school. If you were at the hospital then DH wouldn’t have been also to rush to her aid anyway as he’d have to collect DC from school. Frankly expecting people with jobs and small children to be able to drop everything to assist in an emergency is ludicrous!

The fact that she thinks the woman should
drop everything to take a child to a hospital appts tells me everything I need to know! Seems your DH doesn’t have her outdated parenting views, which is good news for you.

Leave her to it and if she says anything remind her that she told you not to bother as you are ‘selfish’.

I can't be the only poster who is wondering what happened with getting the dog to the vet in the end?

OP did say the SIL took her after work.

i’d be over the moon with this, not only did you do nothing wrong so you’ve got nothing to be guilty about but you also don’t have to visit on boxing day and she’s going to have to break the silence first

I got uninvited from my mum's Boxing Day lunch last year. I had done nothing wrong. She couldn't be arsed, basically. I was delighted. Sorry, this is totally irrelevant to your thread, OP.

Same here - this is brilliant, you get Boxing Day to yourself and dont have to spend it with this miserable old cow. Bonus too that she will have to be the one to come grovelling to make it up or to see you again because it was her petulant decision.

Excellent work OP!

I'm so sorry OP, that must be such a disappointing realisation.

No, I have a life and a job. Maybe you should try it.

Offered ti help take the dog to the vet maybe?!?

What age is she?