AIBU to be fed up of defending my choice to use formula

[Sequinbow]

I just want a bit of a rant, I’m fed up of having to defend formula feeding my little girl. She is 5 months old and thriving 💓 she absolutely loves her bottle and it’s wonderful to feed her she’s happy and content.

but….

I’ve had a stranger tell me (whilst I was feeding my LO) ‘breast is best’ and i should try harder to breast feed. I’ve also had colleagues and other mums pointing out ‘oh you’re not breastfeeding’ when I get her bottle out and asking why im not breast feeding.

There is a lot of chat in the mums WhatsApp group about how they are beside themselves to make the decision to bring in one bottle per day of formula to top up their supply and how they need to come to terms with it etc I find myself wanting to defend formula feeding my baby. And it’s the implication that my little girl is at a disadvantage because of me, her mum.
I wonder what do they think of me if they’re so caught up with adding just one bottle of formula when I exclusively formula fed.

im really fed up of having to defend my choices and having to provide a reason for formula feeding. I feel looked down on for formula feeding my daughter x

One of my ff DC is now a senior hospital doctor. Nobody has ever asked ‘hey doctor, how did your Mum feed you as a small baby? Were you ever given a bottle?’ 😀

My kids are now 11 and 7 and trust me when I say, no one gives the slightest thought to how they were fed.

It feels like a big deal now. It really isn't.

How am I being dramatic? I wouldn't have discussed it with anyone except DH. But it is how I would have felt. I'd have got over it but I would have been really disappointed and sad. That's not unreasonable for me to feel and still isn't abd kind of value judgement.

Not my projection at all. They wouldn't be agonising or reluctant over formula if they didn't think it was inferior and wanted to avoid it. Insensitive to say that to someone who is FFing when the undertone is clear, and even more so if they don't know how they arrived at the decision to FFS!

I haven't read the whole thread @Sequinbow so apologies if this has already been shared but it always makes me chuckle

This post was not insane. It was reasonable and fair. No one on here has demonstrated any upset or rudeness. If you see it that way, it's possible you are feeling defensive. It's very rude of anyone to directly comment on your feeding choices and they are out of order for doing so. However it is absolutely also OK for people to have a different opinion to you on which type of feeding they want for their own situation and baby. Having a different opinion isnt putting you down. You've posted on here so will naturally get a variety of opinions, but the theme is that no one should be berating or questioning your personal choice.

Sorry, I've obviously read that wrong then. I think perhaps I'm very pragmatic about these things. DD got bottle and boob from day I as she was very little so I took the view that all food was good. I have no strong feelings about boob v bottle. Whatever works.

with respect OP this isn’t jumping down your throat it’s being factual about how EBF Mum’s feel. Just like the poster who posted about the the fact you must have known that bf is better than ff for the baby but made the choice that was right for you. It’s a fact not an opinion. Every time anyone presents a counter perspective you are the one jumping down their throats, getting offended.

I think the consensus is EBF mums get just as much critical and hassle and poor advice as you do. I know I did and when I was given inaccurate advice that I wasn’t providing enough milk or my baby wasn’t putting on enough weight and I should ‘top up’ - yes I was devastated about the idea of ff because it wasn’t what I wanted or even factual. Thankfully I listened to a BF counsellor and not the ill informed HV and continued to EBF because that’s what was right for me. Just as you made a decision to ff because it wasn’t right for you. And that’s ok but don’t get mad every time someone feels as passionate about EBF as you clearly feel about formula! It’s not an attack on you -it’s just how they feel.

A man once stopped me at the end of my street and asked me how old my daughter was - I think she was about five and had just started school at the time. He proceeded to tell me that he and his wife used to watch me taking her to nursery in the morning and that it was a bloody sin 😂

Formula fed my first, combi fed my second..Always felt far more harshly judged about formula feeding than breastfeeding. With my first, our NCT class wouldn't even discuss formula preparation.

The judgement plays a heavy hand in reluctance and how women feel about it. Same as with everything they agonise over. People can't just ignore that.

Would people need a special certificate to be allowed to buy it by choice?
The benefits of breast feeding are at a population level. That's why you can't tell on an individual level who's been fed by what method. You need to multiply the effect many many times before you start to see a difference and even then it's hard to rule out other reasons.
@Sequinbow as long as your child is appropriately fed it's probably one of the least important decisions you'll make as a parent. It's a good one to get you used to being judged though. A mother's place is in the wrong and to blame for society's ills.

I have said this before on threads such as these:
I exclusively breast fed my son.
I then made him only organic food.
Then at 6 months old he escaped from a bumbo chair that was apparently secure (I went to the toilet) and in the time it took me to have a wee he had eaten the cat food.

With my second son he was also exclusively breast fed and I home made all his food when he was able to eat food. I was then very unwell and during that time he continually licked the drain in the garden as I did not have the energy to stop him.

We are all trying our best. Breast fed is better than formula fed but I am sure not licking drains and eating cat food is also better. Just try and ignore people. I am trying my absolute best now my children are teenagers but I am sure there are people who could criticise some choices I have made.

Also for 2 weeks after a recent bereavement me and my teenager who still lives at home have only been able to eat junk food as I didn’t have the head space to cook. We have survived although I don’t think I can ever eat McDonald’s again. Maybe just the cheese bites.

I noticed all the breastfed babies I knew always seemed more full of cold than my formula fed children were. Just an observation.

This can fuck all the way off and is a view that deserves no respect.

I breast fed one and bottle fed the other, and people passed judgemental remarks on both.

My experience was, every time I breastfed in front of of a FF mum, they would fall over themselves to explain why they didn’t. I couldn’t care less how other people feed their children and never once mentioned it or asked. In any public setting, I was by far in the minority when BFing.

You encountered one person who said a thing. Don’t overthink it.

What is it they say, fed is best ?!

I think the way breast is best is pushed on to new mums leaves many of them with a lot of negative baggage. Also agree with PP that for some EBF it does become an identity.

FF or BF is just another one in a long list of people trying to prove (probably to themselves) that they are better parents.

Everyone is just doing their own parenting journey. The key thing is to be secure and comfortable in the decisions you make for your child whether your pregnancy, labour, how they are fed as a baby, what clothes they wear, how they are weaned, what car seat is used, what age starting childcare, school performance etc.

Some people say 'fed is the bare minimum' which again carries heavy implied judgment. I don't have any patience for the pretence that it's not everywhere. And the only thing it achieves is to make mums feel shit at an already vulnerable and difficult time.

Please don’t let facts get in the way of @KittyFinlay making herself feel like a superior mother by kicking other women’s choices.

Breastfeeding is great, I really enjoyed it once I got going. And on a population level, there are some benefits. But anyone who thinks that breast or formula feeding will make any practical difference to their individual child’s welfare has obviously not taken the trouble to educate themselves properly on the subject.

It’s a highly emotive topic.

I bf 2 out of 3 of my babies. I felt upset not to be able to feed my son. Partly due to bad advice and he was tiny but then we all moved on and I went back to work.

It’s an ugly side of motherhood.

People having opinions on your birth. (None of mine came out the sun roof but plenty of opinions on that too. Like anyone can really choose?)

People having opinions on how you feed your baby. My DH loved being able to feed him and felt he missed out with DD as she was EBF until I went back to work.

My son is now 20 and I cook from scratch for him but don’t claim to be a superior mother.

Every parent does the best for their child.

Yes, projecting. I would have agonised over that decision and would have been interested in the experiences of others going through the same thing because I would have been sad for myself. Not because I think formula is inferior in any significant way but because I would have been sad I was not able to carry on doing something I enjoyed. The value judgement you are assuming they are making is pure projection.

I am sick of the breast is best hype. Yes it may be considered best but not everyone can or wants to breast feed

millions are formula fed with no issues

People should not ask any questions about how you choose to feed your child

the mantra should be. Fed is best