AIBU to be fed up of defending my choice to use formula

[Sequinbow]

I just want a bit of a rant, I’m fed up of having to defend formula feeding my little girl. She is 5 months old and thriving 💓 she absolutely loves her bottle and it’s wonderful to feed her she’s happy and content.

but….

I’ve had a stranger tell me (whilst I was feeding my LO) ‘breast is best’ and i should try harder to breast feed. I’ve also had colleagues and other mums pointing out ‘oh you’re not breastfeeding’ when I get her bottle out and asking why im not breast feeding.

There is a lot of chat in the mums WhatsApp group about how they are beside themselves to make the decision to bring in one bottle per day of formula to top up their supply and how they need to come to terms with it etc I find myself wanting to defend formula feeding my baby. And it’s the implication that my little girl is at a disadvantage because of me, her mum.
I wonder what do they think of me if they’re so caught up with adding just one bottle of formula when I exclusively formula fed.

im really fed up of having to defend my choices and having to provide a reason for formula feeding. I feel looked down on for formula feeding my daughter x

The phrase, I give zero fucks about your opinion, is your friend here..

But the other poster is absolutely right. The difference (accounting for all other factors) is absolutely minimal.

There are FAR more important things we could be focused on.

I'm speaking as someone who BF, loved BFing and is a big advocate of BFing. But there should be no shame or guilt in formula, which is an absolutely excellent alternative.

It might be the optimal way to feed babies - might - I don’t have strong opinions either way. But the benefits in terms of breast cancer risk reduction are definitely oversold. I had breast cancer in my late 20s after exclusively breastfeeding and I know someone who had breast cancer after breastfeeding seven children. It’s dangerous advice that breastfeeding prevents breast cancer. Statistically there may be less overall risk, but midwives and health visitors stating this as fact are irresponsible.

I agree!

I agree the benefits are amazing on paper but if you quantify them they’re very small. I was breastfed as a baby until last 1, DH was never breastfed at all and straight to formula. I’m riddled with autoimmune type conditions, pick up colds etc, DH has zero conditions and never catches anything. And this is with presumably a primitive formula from the 70s.

I get it, you don’t want to put in all that effort to be told it makes not much difference from something you can buy in Tesco, but that’s fact. Of course on a population level it makes a difference and that’s why they push it, which I understand.

Completely agree 100%.

Frankly I get ‘upset’ at seeing toddlers being given Greggs and cans of vimto for lunch, or sucking on Chupa chups.

I know a lot of breastfed babies who are now clearly heading for obesity after their mums took their foot off the gas when it came to their actual diet.

There are far more important daily optimal choices to worry about.

It’s a personal choice and no one should make anyone feel guilty. I’ve never understood why people tear each other down for making different choices.

I would be saying random shit back to them.

'I'm a trans man'
'you can't breast feed when you've had a double mastectomy'
'do you know what expressed breast milk looks like when it's in a bottle? Pretty much exactly like this'
'the last time I breast fed in public a judgemental asshole told me to put them away. He looked a bit like you actually.'

But nobody wants to hear your parenting journey it has no relevance to anybody else.

My DC had Greggs a couple of times a week as a toddler and has a BMI of 19!

Can confirm this is true. I’m breastfeeding a baby born in May. I get stares and comments, I get people moving seats in cafes so they don’t have to
be near me. My family comment that I need to pump or give formula so they can feed a bottle. It’s not about how you feed. It’s about the fact you’ve made a choice. How dare we.

YANBU. The whole breast is best ideology is a flimsily concealed facade designed as yet another way to subjugate and control women, keep them at home, keep them chained to their baby and providing 100% of the childcare when they're little. Ironically it's often other women pushing it because they've fallen for it too and enjoy feeling superior and smug. Internalised misogyny is a bugger. They just can't bear to see a happy, confident mum choosing to feed her baby how she feels is best instead of kowtowing to lactivists.

It's disgraceful and I call it out every time I see it, and I say that as a mum that breastfed for a long time and loved it. There is no universal best way to feed your baby, and anyone trying to force their views onto you when you and your baby are healthy and thriving needs their intentions examined.

Breastfeeding broke my metal health, I lasted 2days. I never wanted to do it (made this decision years before dd was born) but felt pressured and midwife at hospital literally pulled baby out and grabbed my breast to get her to latch on 😱
I was miserable, dd was miserable, promptly switched to formula and she took to it like a dream! I now have a very happy and very healthy 4yr old whom I’m very close to and have a fantastic bond.
Breast is NOT BEST.
Fed is BEST!!!
Do what’s right for you! Your wellbeing and happiness is imperative and if that suffers so will baby.
This is 2025, each to their own, everyone has a choice!

Oh man, my toddler had Greggs for lunch yesterday 🤷‍♀️ guess I should be home cooking home cooked meals every day.

This is really true. The benefits are minor and short term, and disappear by the time the baby is one. It literally makes no longterm difference to the child. The only evidenced longterm difference is a smaller risk of certain cancers for the mother. That's it.

I've noticed people often react really strongly against the evidence around this, I totally get that if it's been incredibly difficult and you kept going and got lots of pats on the back from people saying well done it can be hard to recognise that actually, it doesn't matter for your child either way, especially if you persevered because you were under the impression it was a magical substance that would cause them to grow up slim, smart, successful and in perfect health. But the evidence doesn't lie. The best way to feed your baby is the way that works for you and your baby. If they're getting enough calories of formula milk or breast milk they'll thrive.

OP, if you had been clear in your first post that you wanted to breast-feed but were unable before saying that your daughter is doing really well on formula and you wish other mums would not go on about breast being better, the responses might have been quite different.

What a load of bollocks.

@HoneyParsnipSoup Have you quoted the wrong post?

Phwoar, what a thread.

It’s hard to know what’s a useful contribution here, but I’ll try.

OP: to get back to your original post, as others have said you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t, so try to let the comments from strangers and colleagues wash off like water off a ducks back. That’ll put you in good stead for a lot of the criticisms ahead of you as a parent too. However, as others have said, the Mums in your Watsapp group have every right to share their concerns about feeding too, without being judged by you (which is what you do when you criticise them for being concerned). Try not to let it drive a wedge between you and them.

Beyond this, I think there’s far too much personal anecdote and lot of hyperbole in this thread and too little actual evidence - especially from those claiming the benefits of breast milk have been oversold - if you state this can you please share receipts? Because all the authoritative sources I have found say the following:

• In terms of baby nutrition, fed is best. Both have health & social & economic pros and cons and it’s ultimately down to parental preference. That’s the official and very neutral line across the board, in UK & US at least.
• There’s still indeed enough reliable research to show at both individual and population level further health benefits to mum & baby from breastfeeding, that have not been reliably disproved (short and long term immunity and resilience, bonding, quicker post partum recovery, reduced risks of obesity, diabetes, and cancers, etc). See NHS and Mayo Clinic for references (especially the latter). In my view anyone claiming the opposite is on par with anti-vaccers unless they share their sources. And no, one persons personal & unique experience/opinion is not the same as data collated and scrutinized from a 1000+ patient sample studied by medical researchers and subject to peer review publication. Come on people use your noggins.
• Lastly, the UK has one of the lowest rates of breastfeeding in the world - this thread illustrates why. We have a culture that at best does not support breastfeeding and at worst is downright hostile to it, and trades in misinformation that discourages breastfeeding.

I’m also mindful of the Nestle Baby Formula scandal in the 1970s - it seems misinformation they spread (that formula is superior to breast milk) is still going strong, generations later. I didn’t realise that the boycott was ongoing & that they had recently been criticised for adding honey to baby food too.

That's a very sad case but clearly a very particular set or circumstances and the woman went against clear medical advice. It's completely deranged to say that that is a likely outcome for breastfed babies or that breastfeeding is dangerous.

Babies are very delicate and can develop issues for all sorts of reasons. DS was born with severe hypoglycaemia and being on a feeding regime of formula saved his life or at least stopped him from being brain damaged. Then we switched to EBF when he was a week old and he completely thrived. So I'm not anti formula at all but I am pro supporting breastfeeding and completely anti wacky misinformation.

Very useful summary thank you! Agree this thread has got completely out of control.

Sorry but this is ridiculous, nobody has said breast isn’t best but that lots of things are best for babies and children and breast v formula is but one of many parenting choices. This choice has been blown hugely out of proportion in comparison to other decisions far more worthy of scrutiny.

The misinformation, hostility and scaremongering is towards formula.

I breastfed for years, and I wouldn’t have an issue either way, your baby, your choice, most important thing for babies is to have a happy mum, and these people’s comments don’t help at all. Ignore them.

She was following medical advice, that is the whole reason why the fed is best foundation exists.