To not apologise to sibling

[Bearingsbear20]

It's another inheritance one!

My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's.

DM died earlier this year somewhat unexpectedly and didn't leave any legal will. We then found a draft will naming sibling as taking the bulk of the estate and leaving me a small remainder. This tallies with what DM told me i would be left, as she phoned me up before she died and told me she was trying to 'make it fair' between us.

Initially I told sibling to sort out all the administrative stuff for DM's estate as I was about to have my first DC and was too busy to take it on. Sibling initially was communicative, let me know what was happening. Involved me in the funeral etc.

After a few weeks I told sibling I wanted 50% of mum's estate as per the law since there was no valid will and that i would buy sibling out of their share of the house. Sibling then mostly stopped talking to me, I couldn't find out what was happening with the estate etc. and we argued several times. Sibling was insisting I was doing the wrong thing for pushing for my 50% and they kept mentioning DF's will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he's even passed. Sibling wanted to put DM's house up for auction and said they'd be in touch when the estate admin was sorted and would follow the intestacy rules. Then they started selling off assets e.g. the car without consulting me.

I went and got a solicitor to send a letter to my sibling as I wasn't getting any detail about the estate and they were refusing to have me buy out 50% of their share of the house. The solicitor sent a few letters and eventually now sibling has agreed I can buy out their share.

They're now not talking to me though and have refused to see me over Christmas etc. until I 'acknowledge what I've done'. I don't see that I've done anything wrong, I've just pushed for my legal inheritance, and sibling cut contact first. So AIBU?

You hav ent dine anything wring. They are just pissed off coz you asked for half.

Good grief - this thread is an eye opener! I’m so thankful that I didn’t have the OP as my sibling when my parents died.

You and your family sound toxic. I feel sorry for your sibling

Like others on here I trained in law but never practiced in probate…I think the draft will could possibly be taken into account IF the sibling wanted to really push it…wills have been accepted on scraps of paper before now. The reality is though solicitors fees can eat up any inheritance so it’s an impractical course to take..so relying on the “law” as your justification OP is not even a completely legitimate position

You know what your mum wanted

You know what your dad will do

Presumably you have reassured your sibling that you will ignore your dads will and give them 50% of his estate

Or are you nitpicking so you can have your cake and eat it?

You are being greedy, you could just stop, apologise and move on

So your sibling was abused by your father. And because he’s nice now they should forget about it???

You said to make it fair you will take your fathers and sibling will have your mothers. Now you have decided to be greedy and want half of your mothers.

I would no longer speak to you either. I wouldn’t let you buy me out either, I’d up the price I’d want.

What a selfish, greedy, uncaring person you are.

Greed is not a good look.

Legally you are correct but morally. Your mum's wishes are going to be overridden while you stakebyour claim on half her estate. And not only do you bleat about the legal side you lamely use the justification that your mum had a tendency to fall out with people. Guess you do too. Nature (genetics) or nurture (learning different ways to fall out with people)? And given your assertion that your dad has improved indicates he was worse in his earlier years. I wonder whether he truly feels remorse this his 'improvement ' or is just trying to get one over on his victim, your sibling. It maybe he's setting you up as a carer. Now you are sucking up to him in glee about the inheritance he said he was leaving you. Think you aren't too different from him either. Nature or nurture?
Frankly I hope he is simply abusing your anticipation of an inheritance and either spends it all or leaves it to his mates/other woman/home for abandoned slugs and you get fuck all. Given his dangling of his wealth to you makes me suspect this may be be the case. How funny if it is. And it would be perfect if your sibling went on to win the lottery or develop a stunningly successful business and makes millions. And gives you nothing.

Legally you are in the right, but you must be able to see why your sibling is upset with you? You have reneged on your verbal agreement for your DM’s estate to go to them. Your mother is most at fault for not sorting out her will properly, but I wouldn’t speak to you either if I was your sibling.

Considering after all this you also appear to be bitching about her behind her back, why on earth do you think she'd want anything to do with you? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. You're an abuser.

If this goes to the courts, then they should grant you the 50% of your mothers estate but also instruct you that your verbal agreement was a legal contract and that you are to therefore pay that 50% to your sibling. That would be both just and legal.

Oh and the courts should hopefully make you pay all the court fees (both yours and your siblings).

I’m not surprised your sibling won’t speak to you. You broke an agreement you had with them. You are being unfair and greedy, even if it’s all legal. I wouldn’t want it on my conscience but I hope the money will help you buy peace because you will no longer have a relationship with your sibling.
You don’t need to keep justifying it here, the consensus is clear and Mumsnet hasn’t given you the validation you wanted.

But the verbal agreement never had any legal force and was never going to guarantee a particular outcome in terms of who gets what. For example, after DM died, DF might have changed his will at some point to include your sibling, then you'd have been the angry one.
It's a really bad idea to believe you can make decisions based on an inheritance from someone who is still alive and may change their will or fail to make a will at all. Or their circumstances may change and they may have nothing to leave anyway.
If you and your sibling want inheritance to be equal, you might take half each of DM's estate as per the law, and agree between yourselves that you will also go halves on DF's estate when the time comes, whatever his will says. But it won't be legally binding, your sibling will have to trust you.
Shame to fall out like this, especially at Christmas and following a bereavement. I hope you can find a way to rescue to relationship.

YABU maybe find something better to do than waiting for people to die so you can have all their money

The law says you can. It doesn’t say you have to, nor that you should.

I haven’t read all the replies and I’d be surprised if no one has picked up on this.

Its all very well having a verbal agreement with your sibling about who gets whose estate before anyone is dead (how crass is that - both of you) but you’re now arguing over the law when the reality is your df could need care and you end up with nothing.

Honestly the best and most honest way of solving this is you go with the law now and split dm 50/50 but then split any inheritance from your df through deed of variation if necessary when your df passes.

you expecting 75% of the total inheritance is ridiculous and immoral.

You are refusing to acknowledge that you have reneged on your verbal agreement and your dying Mothers wishes.

You dismiss your siblings abuse which is awful and you pls to shaft them financially having made an agreement that your Mother wanted (ever considered your Mum knew something you don’t..!?!)

No, you don’t have to follow the law here. You are hiding and refusing to take responsibility for your choices here.

I hope that, when it comes to your Fathers estate, that the sibling contests it, the way you are battling them now.

"My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's."

And you wonder why your sibling is angry with you demanding half of your DM's assets. You may be LEGALLY entitled, but you are not MORALLY entitled. And then insisting on buying out your sibling's remaining share in the house so you can do it up and sell it is beyond greedy.

Your comments about your sibling not bothering with your DF are irrelevant - they are just an excuse to behave badly. Shame on you.

So why make a verbal agreement? And why not follow your mother's wishes of a small remainder?

There’s some missing details here that can be read between the lines, and make this all so much worse.
You say your DS is going to put the house to auction, this only happens for one reason, it’s too much of a shithole to go on the open market as it’s not mortgageable. Cash buyers only.
This is backed up by your desire to ‘do the place up and sell for a profit’ by buying out your DS. As the place is too much of a dump to sell in the usual way, what valuation are you using to buy out your sibling? Well there’s only the bargain basement auction estimate, isn’t there?
The only logical conclusion to this is that your reneging on the spoken agreement with your sibling to buy the place on the cheap, do it up (you obviously have the money to do both already or this wouldn’t be your plan, money that your DS doesn’t have or they’d do this themselves) and you’ll get the cream off the top when it’s in a suitable state to sell via an estate agent.

This isnt just amoral, despite the legalities, it’s downright Machiavellian.

Morally you have gone against your Mother’s known wishes, alienated your sibling because you have claimed 50% of an estate that you were legally entitled to.
I guess it boils down to if you want to be ‘right’ or ‘fair’.
Knowing your Mothers wishes you were unfair to claim your 50% especially as you know you will inherit your Fathers full estate. I wouldn’t have done it in your shoes regardless of my legal entitlement…..
Id be very surprised if you can fix the relationship with your sibling and can totally understand why she doesn’t wish to see you.

Hi, why did your mum and dad have separate Wills?

You're not just BU, you're being selfish and greedy.

You're willing to lose your relationship with your sister over your greed.

If I were your sister, I'd give you the money and then permanently cut off contact with you.

Wow, greed is a very ugly quality. You are wrong on so many levels.

This is not a situation where you "have to follow the law". The law gives you a right which you can choose to enforce, or not. No one's going to take you to court or send you tor prison for not claiming half of your intestate parent's estate.