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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not apologise to sibling

725 replies

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:09

It's another inheritance one!

My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's.

DM died earlier this year somewhat unexpectedly and didn't leave any legal will. We then found a draft will naming sibling as taking the bulk of the estate and leaving me a small remainder. This tallies with what DM told me i would be left, as she phoned me up before she died and told me she was trying to 'make it fair' between us.

Initially I told sibling to sort out all the administrative stuff for DM's estate as I was about to have my first DC and was too busy to take it on. Sibling initially was communicative, let me know what was happening. Involved me in the funeral etc.

After a few weeks I told sibling I wanted 50% of mum's estate as per the law since there was no valid will and that i would buy sibling out of their share of the house. Sibling then mostly stopped talking to me, I couldn't find out what was happening with the estate etc. and we argued several times. Sibling was insisting I was doing the wrong thing for pushing for my 50% and they kept mentioning DF's will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he's even passed. Sibling wanted to put DM's house up for auction and said they'd be in touch when the estate admin was sorted and would follow the intestacy rules. Then they started selling off assets e.g. the car without consulting me.

I went and got a solicitor to send a letter to my sibling as I wasn't getting any detail about the estate and they were refusing to have me buy out 50% of their share of the house. The solicitor sent a few letters and eventually now sibling has agreed I can buy out their share.

They're now not talking to me though and have refused to see me over Christmas etc. until I 'acknowledge what I've done'. I don't see that I've done anything wrong, I've just pushed for my legal inheritance, and sibling cut contact first. So AIBU?

OP posts:
SpaceRaccoon · 10/12/2025 13:16

It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family

And you think you are? Oh dear.

friedeggrunny · 10/12/2025 13:17

You are a grabby CF.

Shame on you.

MatronPomfrey · 10/12/2025 13:17

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. There was no will so it is split 50:50. Children don’t get to decide who their parents leave their wealth to.
You don’t know what will happen with DF. He may have to pay for care in the future and there could be very little left when he passes. If your sibling gets more now would they even up the inheritance if you get very little from DF?

TheCosyViewer · 10/12/2025 13:18

ShallWeDance · 10/12/2025 13:12

Some really harsh comments on this thread.

OP--how much do you value an ongoing relationship with your sibling?

Isn’t it more than obvious, she doesn’t value the relationship with her sister at all, money is more important to her.

TheTaupeScroller · 10/12/2025 13:18

coleslaws · 10/12/2025 13:07

This has to be a reverse as I don’t think anyone in real life could be so selfish and cruel

so many are...

How many posters decide to give 80% to one child, and 20% to the other because child A has more children?

Or posters thinking they should have more inheritance because their siblings are "wealthy" ie earning slightly more than they are.

Nothing bring people's selfishness and nastiness faster than inheritance.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 10/12/2025 13:18

It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family

Says the person who has greedily set off a grenade in the middle of their family. You have destroyed your relationship with your sibling. Was it worth it?

99bottlesofkombucha · 10/12/2025 13:19

well, you had a sister. I hope the outcome of your greed was worth the relationship.if you have more than one child, may your children care for each other 100,000x as much as you care for your sister, may your children not lie when they make agreements with each other and then screw the other around as much as legally possible; but if they do I hope you take lots of comfort knowing the law says it’s fine.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/12/2025 13:19

What about the draft will that clearly sets out the mum’s wishes, @MatronPomfrey? And the fact that the OP is reneging on the agreement she had with her sibling, to grab an extra share of the money?

AliceMcK · 10/12/2025 13:20

So your drunk abusive father abused your sibling as a child, they escaped and made a life for themselves. You stayed, maybe you were abused and decided you could deal with it or maybe you were the golden child who never got the brunt of the abuse. Either way you made your decision and they made theirs, you don’t get to criticise mock and put down their trauma or decision to stay away from their abuser. As for what was your comment “It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family” do you want to re read that back to yourself because it screams hypocrisy to me.

You went back on a verbal agreement with your sibling when it suited you all because your mother didn’t make her will the way she wanted to legally, you think because the law is technically on your side your right, well maybe in a court of law, but in the court of public opinion and morality your… well I better not say as my post will get deleted.

As for your other relatives, that means nothing, many victims have to no no contact with extended relatives who allowed abuse to happen then used the lines move on, it happened years ago, get over it and so on, which is exactly what you are all doing.

You think your sibling stopping engaging with you is wrong when you are doing nothing but enabling continued abuse and trauma for them and after you backed out of an agreement, is out of order, to quote the great Al Pocino “your out of order” Any sane person would stop dealing with you after your behaviour.

In summary

You mock and dismiss your siblings trauma
You have a family of flying monkeys who do the same
You back out of a verbal agreement for money even though you knew it was your mothers wish for the will in play to benefit your sibling
You are quite frankly not a very nice person hiding behind a legal technicality

Hollietree · 10/12/2025 13:20

If you are so certain and adamant that you are 100% in the right…… plus all these relatives and friends who are telling you that you are the one in the right……… why are you online asking us if you should apologise or not?

I suggest that deep down you know that you are behaving horribly. But are desperate to justify your actions, for other people to tell you that what you have done to your sibling is ok. It’s not.

Yes legally you haven’t done anything wrong. But morally you have swindled your sibling and gone against what you know was your Mother’s wishes. If I were your sibling I would never speak to you again.

Joeylove88 · 10/12/2025 13:20

I have read all of your posts and some posts from others on here and its really obvious you are using the law as an excuse to take the majority of inheritance for yourself! You went back on an agreement made between you, your sibling and even your mum as you so clearly explained it was her wish for your sibling to have most of her inheritance to make things fair.

Your sibling sounds bitter and quite rightly because it seems they have been pushed out by your father and now by you and the majority of your family. Why would your sibling want to care or have any relationship with your father when he made it clear they arent included in his will because they didnt do enough for him! You dont have children with the expectation they do lots of stuff for you and you dont use inheritance as a weapon for making people do things or to divide family members which is now exactly what has happened.

Try to be a better person and do what is morally right to your sibling and what your mother wanted!

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 10/12/2025 13:20

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:30

@Solentsolo DM wasn't well when she made her draft will reducing my share. She was well known to fall out with people

You agreed the terms with your sister and now you have renaged on that agreement. You are a woman without honour.

LIbertyCharles · 10/12/2025 13:21

You came on here asking if you were being unreasonable. Every poster in here has replied that yes, you are. Now you are trying to argue back and justify your actions because of the law.

im glad i dont have to look your face in the mirror every morning.

ShallWeDance · 10/12/2025 13:21

TheCosyViewer · 10/12/2025 13:18

Isn’t it more than obvious, she doesn’t value the relationship with her sister at all, money is more important to her.

Show quote history

It's obviously quite difficult to communicate on a forum the history and the nature of a sibling relationship. Perhaps if the relationship were stronger the OP would not have considered this route?

supersuppers · 10/12/2025 13:22

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:54

I don't see why I should share any profit or share of my 50% with a sibling who doesn't communicate with me. What is the sense in that? If they want some of it, they should be building bridges with me, not the other way round.

but they were communicating with you, right up until you told them you wanted your 50%. You damaged the bridges the moment you went back on the verbal agreement.

Epidote · 10/12/2025 13:23

YABU.
You made a verbal agreement, your mother told you and wrote a draft you ignored, you left everything to your sibling to sort out and when you were ready you took 50% of it. No wonder why your sibling is not talking to you.
Is all about you isn't it?
Even if you were taking a 0.5% more than your mother told you to take I would be pissed off with your attitude.
There are manners and yours have been poor.

Anyahyacinth · 10/12/2025 13:24

Glowingup · 10/12/2025 13:00

If I was the sibling, I’d grit my teeth, “make up” with the abusive dad, act the caring and doting daughter, all the while subtly dropping hints about the horrible things the OP has said about him and how she’s been laughing about how she will be rolling in it once he’s gone. I’d do this until I had alienated the OP from her dad, support him in getting his new will drawn up and then, once he was gone, I’d go round to the OP’s house and gloat before telling her never to darken my door again.

Nice fantasy but when someone has been abused they risk mental and physical collapse by being around their abuser

usernameinserthere · 10/12/2025 13:25

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:14

Yes @Solentsolo because I am following the intestacy rules, the draft will/ verbal agreement isn't valid.

You said you have a verbal agreement.

You reneged on that.

You want the money have it. But you lose the sibling.

I feel for them.

Mother dead.
Sister a greedy liar who gets 75% of parents estates.
Father an abuser.

Runs in the family maybe?

Effitall · 10/12/2025 13:25

It sounds like you are your fathers daughter.

Do your sibling a favour when you finish taking the faux moral high ground and pretending you are just being a law abiding citizen rather than ignoring your late mothers wishes for pure greed, stay away from them forever.

Your sibling may not receive what was wished by your mother, but being rid of the toxic and unscrupulous being you appear to be will be better than any financial award on their life moving forward.

Don’t apologise because you don’t mean it.

Hankunamatata · 10/12/2025 13:25

Your mother left a draft will letting g he wishes be known and you are ignoring it because your a money grabbing nowt

Twinkylightsg · 10/12/2025 13:25

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:18

I sought legal advice and they confirmed I should follow the legal process i.e. claim um rightful 50%.

For background, sibling hasn't bothered with DF for months. They never visit anymore and is spreading nasty lies about his 'abuse'. Whereas I see him regularly, help out with his care etc.

Doesn't matter. Your word is your bond and you broke it. Which means you are not trustworthy.

JanetareyouokareyouokJanet · 10/12/2025 13:25

Absolute shi*housery. You know your being a scoundrel but your blinded by the £££

chocorabbit · 10/12/2025 13:26

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:45

Look, to those mentioning DF, it's separate and I admit I was foolish to make the verbal agreement and play along with siblings initial wishes. DF isn't even dead yet, and sibling kept going on about his will as if they were entitled to half even when they didn't visit him!
This is about DM and what is legally valid.

OP, do you understand that you have the option to refuse the will? Getting 50% is your legal right but you refusing your share is NOT illegal and it is another legal option!

Clefable · 10/12/2025 13:27

Ah inheritance. Always brings out a person’s true nature.

Ewock · 10/12/2025 13:27

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 12:43

No, I don't see why I should when sibling doesn't help out with DF.

Show quote history

So you're getting 100% of your dad's inheritance and agreed with your sibling they could have 100% of your mums.
Now it comes to light that there isn't a fixed will for your mum so youve decided screw the agreement, I want 100% of dad's and 50% of mums?
If that is correct you are a vile, money grabbing, nasty piece of work. I hope you enjoy the money as it means more to you than anything else. Christ youre disgusting