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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not apologise to sibling

725 replies

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:09

It's another inheritance one!

My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's.

DM died earlier this year somewhat unexpectedly and didn't leave any legal will. We then found a draft will naming sibling as taking the bulk of the estate and leaving me a small remainder. This tallies with what DM told me i would be left, as she phoned me up before she died and told me she was trying to 'make it fair' between us.

Initially I told sibling to sort out all the administrative stuff for DM's estate as I was about to have my first DC and was too busy to take it on. Sibling initially was communicative, let me know what was happening. Involved me in the funeral etc.

After a few weeks I told sibling I wanted 50% of mum's estate as per the law since there was no valid will and that i would buy sibling out of their share of the house. Sibling then mostly stopped talking to me, I couldn't find out what was happening with the estate etc. and we argued several times. Sibling was insisting I was doing the wrong thing for pushing for my 50% and they kept mentioning DF's will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he's even passed. Sibling wanted to put DM's house up for auction and said they'd be in touch when the estate admin was sorted and would follow the intestacy rules. Then they started selling off assets e.g. the car without consulting me.

I went and got a solicitor to send a letter to my sibling as I wasn't getting any detail about the estate and they were refusing to have me buy out 50% of their share of the house. The solicitor sent a few letters and eventually now sibling has agreed I can buy out their share.

They're now not talking to me though and have refused to see me over Christmas etc. until I 'acknowledge what I've done'. I don't see that I've done anything wrong, I've just pushed for my legal inheritance, and sibling cut contact first. So AIBU?

OP posts:
Pereniallyannoyed · 10/12/2025 13:49

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:26

I'm surprised people are ignoring the law here. With no valid will, the estate is split 50/50. Sibling knew this but chose to ignore me while they carried on with the administration. Without the solicitors intervening they may have sold off the house at too low a price for us both.

Anyway re: DF. He used to drink a lot, swear etc! He treated us all badly. But sibling got a good job and moved away for a few years. When they moved back, DF told sibling that they weren't in his will because I'd helped him out more. Now sibling is very bitter over this, keeps going on about therapy etc. The rest of the family keep saying they need to get over it

God, you really sound like a pretty awful human.
I see you’re sticking to ‘it’s the law!’ to justify appalling behaviour, but there’s nothing to stop you handing over 50% of your half to your sibling so they get 75%. I see you appear to have no plan to do so either.
My brother did this and I’ve not spoken to him more than once in 8 years. The whole family knows what he did. That shit sticks to you.
Enjoy festering with money you know your mother never intended for you.

ShiftingSand · 10/12/2025 13:50

Moral of this story is to get a legal Will in place as soon as you can, especially if you have dependents. My assets will be split equally between my children for clarity. I don’t want to worry about any arguments once I’m no longer around.

bumptybum · 10/12/2025 13:50

this must be a reverse. OP you have said you and sibling had an agreement. You’ve also said the unsigned draft will states exactly what you understood it would say, that sibling got the bulk.

but now because the law is on your side you are going against your agreement and against what you acknowledge your mother intended and wanted but somehow you think you are in the moral position?

this has got to be a reverse

Theunamedcat · 10/12/2025 13:51

Until he dies there is no "estate" and if he is unwell it could be eaten up in costs anyway

Sharptonguedwoman · 10/12/2025 13:51

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:58

Honestly surprised at most of (not all!) of the responses here. My majority of the family are on my side. It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family

Well it's not best for them, is it? Half your mother's estate and all of your father's. Whatever the law might say, I find that shocking.

Itsseweasy · 10/12/2025 13:52

What a horrible family you all are. I feel so sorry for your poor sibling.
Abused and being brave enough to set boundaries with their father but you tell them their silly because “Dad’s nice now”.
You, greedy and selfish, stealing what is rightfully theirs from your deceased Mum.
You, bad-mouthing them to all your family members to get them all on side with you.
You sound like a nasty little narcissist - feeling entitled to everything and no conscience or empathy towards your sibling at all.
I’d guess you learned to be this way from your Dad, and your poor sibling is chronically always the scapegoat/black sheep of the family. No wonder they moved away from you all.

I’d say I don’t know how you live with yourself, but narcissists are incapable of self reflection so there’s literally no point to this thread as you won’t listen to any of us.

SockBanana · 10/12/2025 13:52

I could understand this is you were under pressure to agree to your sibling inheriting your mothers estate, even though you didn't agree.
Not that it's for you or your sibling to decide. That was your mother's decision, if it was that important to her she would have made sure she had a legal will. Do you feel like what you are doing is in line with your mother's wishes, or against them?

Your best defence here, is that if your sibling inherited 100% of your mother's estate and then your father has to use his estate for care costs you could end up with nothing. That wouldn't seem fair.

Honestly though, what you've done and your attitude towards it seems incredibly grabby. Both of you really, with your sibling selling of assets. I hope my kids don't fight over my inheritance, before or after I'm dead. Neither of you deserve it.

treesandsun · 10/12/2025 13:54

Despite your parents wishes and what you've previously agreed verbally You want a 75% share of your parents wealth and for your sibling to get 25%. you're happy to disregard your mum's wishes but no doubt will stick to your father's wishes because it's in your favour. You sound awful and I'm not surprised your sibling isn't talking to you.

Havingaswimmoose · 10/12/2025 13:55

Maybe, hopefully, your Father will find a way to honour you Mother's wishes as to the money she wanted your sibling to have.

When your Father sees that you have grabbed half your Mother’s money I hope he does the right thing and changes his will to include your sibling.

It will serve you right if he can be the voice of fairness and morality.
You clearly aren't.

friedeggrunny · 10/12/2025 13:56

Clefable · 10/12/2025 13:27

Ah inheritance. Always brings out a person’s true nature.

Doesn’t it just!

LogicVoid · 10/12/2025 13:59

You've let greed override morals. Put it right.

Differentforgirls · 10/12/2025 13:59

Nearly50omg · 10/12/2025 13:08

Your sister is trying to cut you out of getting anything!! Selling things without telling you and most likely this won’t be told to the solicitor either as to how much she’s getting for any of this stuff!

😱

GreenCandleWax · 10/12/2025 14:01

Its not your "legal inheritance" though, is it? If your DM died intestate, her estate belongs to your DF, not you or your sibling.

QuaintCat · 10/12/2025 14:01

You can't decide what to do with your parent's estates, they decide and they can change their wills many times. I don't understand why you have a verbal agreement about anything that isn't yours yet.

BetterWithPockets · 10/12/2025 14:01

GilmoreGirly86 · 10/12/2025 12:53

Goodness, your poor sibling. So you verbally agreed to something then went back on it when you realised that you could profit from it financially. You left all the hard work of sorting everything when DM died to your sibling, and you knew your DM's wishes were for them to have a bigger share of hers to make it fair, but you went after it anyway. And you think you should get a bigger share of DF's because you still speak to him after what you have admitted is appalling behaviour in your childhood which your sibling is entitled not to forgive. Do you not see the hypocrisy in what you're saying/doing? You are money hungry and self seeking and you seem surprised at being called out on that. I feel for your sibling, I hope that they can draw a line under this sooner rather than later and never have anything to do with you ever again.

This.

MissDoubleU · 10/12/2025 14:01

I think your mum would be extremely disappointed in how youve handled this. You’ve not only went against her last wishes as she expressed them, you’ve betrayed the agreement you made with your own sister because you got greedy.

DF isn’t dead yet but you want a nice chunk now, eh? The only way you can rectify this is by agreeing to split your DF’s estate 50/50 when that time comes. And agree it in writing with a lawyer.

bobbythejobby · 10/12/2025 14:03

I very very rarely comment on threads but I feel so fucking sorry for your sister. You’re a disgrace.

Differentforgirls · 10/12/2025 14:03

TheTaupeScroller · 10/12/2025 13:18

so many are...

How many posters decide to give 80% to one child, and 20% to the other because child A has more children?

Or posters thinking they should have more inheritance because their siblings are "wealthy" ie earning slightly more than they are.

Nothing bring people's selfishness and nastiness faster than inheritance.

Show quote history

"For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil"

Shatteredallthetimelately · 10/12/2025 14:04

Honestly surprised at most of (not all!) of the responses here. My majority of the family are on my side. It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family

Does the majority of the family know only your side of the story?

Does your family know the agreement you had with your sibling over your mother's estate?

Does your family know how dishonest you have been/ are?

When you say it's sad your sibling doesn't seem to prioritise what's best for family you're thinking of what you want.

Unfortunately your sibling only had your word and you went back on that.

ToDamp0rNotToDamp · 10/12/2025 14:04

It sounds like your mum made a verbal statement of intent to you that she wanted to leave the bulk of her estate to your sister.

You also made a verbal statement of intent to honour this with your sister.

Sadly your mum didn’t then update or make a will to make this legally binding. But that wouldn’t matter to any decent person, who would gladly honour the wishes of their deceased parent and would not renege a promise to a sibling.

But not to worry, as you’re clearly not a decent person! So claim what’s legally your’s and take comfort that the rest of your family (who must also be pretty nasty) think you’re doing the right thing and you won’t have to have a relationship with your sister anymore who you clearly have no care or respect for.

Enjoy the money, Jane. I hope it makes you very happy 😊

Nevernonono · 10/12/2025 14:04

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:45

Look, to those mentioning DF, it's separate and I admit I was foolish to make the verbal agreement and play along with siblings initial wishes. DF isn't even dead yet, and sibling kept going on about his will as if they were entitled to half even when they didn't visit him!
This is about DM and what is legally valid.

Let’s hope DF goes into care and you get nothing!

You’re greedy and bossy, you “told” your sibling to deal with the admin of the estate? Not asked? Then decided you wanted 50% of it. Against your verbal agreement.

I wouldn’t be speaking or seeing you either!

Nevernonono · 10/12/2025 14:05

Shatteredallthetimelately · 10/12/2025 14:04

Honestly surprised at most of (not all!) of the responses here. My majority of the family are on my side. It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family

Does the majority of the family know only your side of the story?

Does your family know the agreement you had with your sibling over your mother's estate?

Does your family know how dishonest you have been/ are?

When you say it's sad your sibling doesn't seem to prioritise what's best for family you're thinking of what you want.

Unfortunately your sibling only had your word and you went back on that.

Exactly this, only knowing one side is useless!

MoFadaCromulent · 10/12/2025 14:06

Yeah I'd never speak to you again tbf

I waived my right to my hair of around 180k in the last six months as my dad yet told me his intention to leave the full amount to my sister when while he had written a letter to that effect he did not get a chance to update his will before passing.

Am805463 · 10/12/2025 14:06

You sound like an awful awful person, I feel very sorry for your sister. You should be ashamed of yourself, trying to convince yourself that it’s just the law - I think you’re quite disgusting and greedy.

AnotherForumUser · 10/12/2025 14:07

Differentforgirls · 10/12/2025 13:46

Hi, why did your mum and dad have separate Wills?

Show quote history

I don't think there's such a thing as a joint will. There can be mirror wills (fairly common, but either party or the survivor can change their will ) or mutual wills (much more rare). Few couples opt for mutual wills as they are fairly restrictive. No one is obliged to have mirror or mutual wills. Most people have their own wills separately to their spouse or partner. Those who do may change this if they separate. And it sounds as if they had parted.