Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not apologise to sibling

725 replies

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:09

It's another inheritance one!

My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's.

DM died earlier this year somewhat unexpectedly and didn't leave any legal will. We then found a draft will naming sibling as taking the bulk of the estate and leaving me a small remainder. This tallies with what DM told me i would be left, as she phoned me up before she died and told me she was trying to 'make it fair' between us.

Initially I told sibling to sort out all the administrative stuff for DM's estate as I was about to have my first DC and was too busy to take it on. Sibling initially was communicative, let me know what was happening. Involved me in the funeral etc.

After a few weeks I told sibling I wanted 50% of mum's estate as per the law since there was no valid will and that i would buy sibling out of their share of the house. Sibling then mostly stopped talking to me, I couldn't find out what was happening with the estate etc. and we argued several times. Sibling was insisting I was doing the wrong thing for pushing for my 50% and they kept mentioning DF's will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he's even passed. Sibling wanted to put DM's house up for auction and said they'd be in touch when the estate admin was sorted and would follow the intestacy rules. Then they started selling off assets e.g. the car without consulting me.

I went and got a solicitor to send a letter to my sibling as I wasn't getting any detail about the estate and they were refusing to have me buy out 50% of their share of the house. The solicitor sent a few letters and eventually now sibling has agreed I can buy out their share.

They're now not talking to me though and have refused to see me over Christmas etc. until I 'acknowledge what I've done'. I don't see that I've done anything wrong, I've just pushed for my legal inheritance, and sibling cut contact first. So AIBU?

OP posts:
KittyFinlay · 10/12/2025 13:05

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:14

Yes @Solentsolo because I am following the intestacy rules, the draft will/ verbal agreement isn't valid.

So you openly admit that you are a liar and your word is not to be trusted?

LilacReader · 10/12/2025 13:05

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:18

I sought legal advice and they confirmed I should follow the legal process i.e. claim um rightful 50%.

For background, sibling hasn't bothered with DF for months. They never visit anymore and is spreading nasty lies about his 'abuse'. Whereas I see him regularly, help out with his care etc.

Stop trying to justify - this is just plain ugly of you!

Vinvertebrate · 10/12/2025 13:05

But that's all by the by, we have to follow the law and what is stated there.

Solicitor here. You are misunderstanding (rather conveniently) the purpose of intestacy laws. There are fallback rules when a person dies intestate, that prevent the courts from having to referee family bun fights over inheritance. You are not required to slavishly adhere to them on pain of penalty. They are really not the “gotcha” you seem to think they are. Your hands are not tied in any way, but I really can’t see you doing the right thing by your sibling here.

Oreosareawful · 10/12/2025 13:06

What a vile person you are. I echo everything others have said here.

Lollypop701 · 10/12/2025 13:07

It sounds like you agreed to the verbal agreement of you get dads and sibling gets mums inheritance so mum wouldn’t bother with a formal will, and you could financially screw sibling over.

This post is to brag about what you are doing… could be made up or a reverse also. I hope made up, because if not you are a morally bankrupt bitch op

coleslaws · 10/12/2025 13:07

This has to be a reverse as I don’t think anyone in real life could be so selfish and cruel

Olive72 · 10/12/2025 13:07

I can’t actually believe I am reading this. You made a verbal agreement to let your brother or sister inherit your Mum’s estate as you were inheriting your Dad’s. And now it comes down to it you are pushing for your share because there wasn’t a will in place. Bet you were rubbing your hands in glee when you realised it was only a draft. Did you get on with your Mum? Help with her care? I think it’s a vile, morally wrong thing you are doing and I don’t know how you can sleep at night

BreadInCaptivity · 10/12/2025 13:07

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:26

I'm surprised people are ignoring the law here. With no valid will, the estate is split 50/50. Sibling knew this but chose to ignore me while they carried on with the administration. Without the solicitors intervening they may have sold off the house at too low a price for us both.

Anyway re: DF. He used to drink a lot, swear etc! He treated us all badly. But sibling got a good job and moved away for a few years. When they moved back, DF told sibling that they weren't in his will because I'd helped him out more. Now sibling is very bitter over this, keeps going on about therapy etc. The rest of the family keep saying they need to get over it

Nobody is ignoring the law from what I have read.

Whats being said is that though you legally have the right to claim 50% of your mothers estate, morally it’s pretty damn reprehensible on the basis:

  1. The draft will and verbal communication you had with your mother means you are not respecting her wishes.
  2. You are backtracking on the agreement you had made with your sibling.

Added to which you are being highly dismissive of your siblings experiences with your father.

You seem to be of the view that the legal position absolves you of any moral judgment about your actions. It does not.

arcticpandas · 10/12/2025 13:07

MaggieBsBoat · 10/12/2025 12:58

Wow.
I am a lawyer and so well aware of the importance of rules. But the spirit of the law is entirely absent here. If doing a legally correct thing is more important to you than your sister then this says a lot.

You lack humanity and decency in my opinion and I am glad you aren’t my client.

This. You are truly a despicable person OP.

ShallWeDance · 10/12/2025 13:08

ComfortFoodCafe · 10/12/2025 11:18

Clearly just being pleasant to their dad for their will! Hopefully he clocks on and writes them out.

Show quote history

Isn't it the father who is 'pleasant now'?

Admittedly, a slightly confusing post with the references to sibling (maybe less 'outing'?) instead of brother or sister.

Nearly50omg · 10/12/2025 13:08

Your sister is trying to cut you out of getting anything!! Selling things without telling you and most likely this won’t be told to the solicitor either as to how much she’s getting for any of this stuff!

Anyahyacinth · 10/12/2025 13:09

Seems like avarice took over your actions ..very sad

InMyOodie · 10/12/2025 13:10

There's nothing worse than one sibling telling another they should just 'get over' parental abuse. Not every child is treated the same by parents, sometimes a parent saves most of their venom for one child who can see the parent for who they are.

Even if all children were mistreated equally, just because one wants to sweep it under the carpet it doesn't mean they have the moral superiority.

LuncheonInThePark · 10/12/2025 13:10

Why do you keep banging on about how you have to follow the law as if you'll end up in prison for not taking half your Mum's money?! You can quite easily pass your legal claim on to your sibling - like you agreed and your Mum wanted.

Imagine saying it's your sibling who isn't thinking about the family!

You sound awful, greedy and selfish. I'm surprised your sibling is even giving you the chance to apologise, she's the only one who sounds decent out of you and your family. She needs to 'get over it' while you go against your own mother's wishes and renege on a verbal agreement.

Also I'm not sure where you are, but your sibling may be able to get some of your Dad's estate whether she is in the will or not. I hope she does.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 10/12/2025 13:11

Theslummymummy · 10/12/2025 12:52

You are a horrible person

Succinct, straight to the point and entirely accurate. Greedy and grabby. I dont know how you sleep at night op

ShallWeDance · 10/12/2025 13:12

Some really harsh comments on this thread.

OP--how much do you value an ongoing relationship with your sibling?

SpaceRaccoon · 10/12/2025 13:14

Either you're not very bright or you're using the law as an excuse. You're not legally obliged to keep the money, there is no law stopping you ensuring it goes to your sibling in accordance with your mother's wishes.

Enjoy that money, I hope it was worth it.

Unicorntearsofgin · 10/12/2025 13:14

You are vile OP

DriveboyDogboy · 10/12/2025 13:14

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:26

I'm surprised people are ignoring the law here. With no valid will, the estate is split 50/50. Sibling knew this but chose to ignore me while they carried on with the administration. Without the solicitors intervening they may have sold off the house at too low a price for us both.

Anyway re: DF. He used to drink a lot, swear etc! He treated us all badly. But sibling got a good job and moved away for a few years. When they moved back, DF told sibling that they weren't in his will because I'd helped him out more. Now sibling is very bitter over this, keeps going on about therapy etc. The rest of the family keep saying they need to get over it

I'm equally surprised that you are ignoring your mothers wishes. They were discussed with you and instead of honouring them you're using 'tHE rULEs' to support your financial greed. Legally, you're fine. Morally, vile.

Frynye · 10/12/2025 13:15

Oh come on. Obvious reverse. Yes your sibling is terrible. Are you happy now.

Devuelta81 · 10/12/2025 13:15

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:30

@Solentsolo DM wasn't well when she made her draft will reducing my share. She was well known to fall out with people

So you think her 'falling out' with people should be ignored, and your dad's 'falling out' with your sibling because they (understandably) helped him less shouldn't be?

I don't know what's more astonishing, your lack of morals or your lack of self-awareness. It doesn't matter what the law says, you made a verbal agreement based on honour and integrity. Clearly that's meaningless to you, so why did you make it in the first place? Surely the whole point was that the agreement would take precedent over the legal arrangement.

Anyahyacinth · 10/12/2025 13:15

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:42

Yes @ittakes2 it was naive in hindsight but the two estates are likely very similar in value. Sibling and I discussed this quite a bit at the time but we didn't expect the will not to be valid; reality and the law changes things.

The strict legalities didn’t need to change the ethics and morality of the situation which you shared in your post, then you decided to make a greedy decision..so much so, I’m not sure this post is real e.g renovating for a profit seems rage bait. You could have easily given your share as previously agreed to your sibling….instead 🤷‍♀️ I’m hoping your sibling is comforted by having the honour in the situation

TheTaupeScroller · 10/12/2025 13:15

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:58

Honestly surprised at most of (not all!) of the responses here. My majority of the family are on my side. It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family

why are you posting on here?

You have decided to have 75% of everything.

my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family - YOU are not prioritise anyone but yourself, the cheek 😂

MrTiddlesTheCat · 10/12/2025 13:16

I wouldn't do this to any of my siblings, and I don't even like them or have contact with them. What you're doing is grubby and immoral.

OneOpenMouse · 10/12/2025 13:16

You come across terribly in this situation OP.