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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not apologise to sibling

725 replies

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:09

It's another inheritance one!

My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's.

DM died earlier this year somewhat unexpectedly and didn't leave any legal will. We then found a draft will naming sibling as taking the bulk of the estate and leaving me a small remainder. This tallies with what DM told me i would be left, as she phoned me up before she died and told me she was trying to 'make it fair' between us.

Initially I told sibling to sort out all the administrative stuff for DM's estate as I was about to have my first DC and was too busy to take it on. Sibling initially was communicative, let me know what was happening. Involved me in the funeral etc.

After a few weeks I told sibling I wanted 50% of mum's estate as per the law since there was no valid will and that i would buy sibling out of their share of the house. Sibling then mostly stopped talking to me, I couldn't find out what was happening with the estate etc. and we argued several times. Sibling was insisting I was doing the wrong thing for pushing for my 50% and they kept mentioning DF's will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he's even passed. Sibling wanted to put DM's house up for auction and said they'd be in touch when the estate admin was sorted and would follow the intestacy rules. Then they started selling off assets e.g. the car without consulting me.

I went and got a solicitor to send a letter to my sibling as I wasn't getting any detail about the estate and they were refusing to have me buy out 50% of their share of the house. The solicitor sent a few letters and eventually now sibling has agreed I can buy out their share.

They're now not talking to me though and have refused to see me over Christmas etc. until I 'acknowledge what I've done'. I don't see that I've done anything wrong, I've just pushed for my legal inheritance, and sibling cut contact first. So AIBU?

OP posts:
Blizzardofleaves · 10/12/2025 12:54

96% of posters think you are unreasonable op. That’s the conclusion here. So almost everyone is in total agreement that you are being unreasonable, which is quite rare.

Why don’t you forward this thread over to your sister? Invite her for a coffee and talk it through. You must have got on well at some point, as you seem to have come to a good agreement before your mother died.

What would your mother make of this?

MyTattooIsBetterThanYours · 10/12/2025 12:54

I hope this is a reverse because the OP is a massive c u next Tuesday.

scrimblescramble · 10/12/2025 12:54

Just admit you're a shitty person OP, because you are. You really really are

YellowCherry · 10/12/2025 12:54

@Bearingsbear20 what I don't understand is why you made the agreement in the first place if you aren't going to honour it? What was the point?

lazyarse123 · 10/12/2025 12:55

Another odd thing is why you are doubting that your sister feels she needs these boundaries with her dad. You have no right to tell her how she should feel about her childhood.

Blizzardofleaves · 10/12/2025 12:56

YellowCherry · 10/12/2025 12:54

@Bearingsbear20 what I don't understand is why you made the agreement in the first place if you aren't going to honour it? What was the point?

It was an agreement made before she realised the will wasn’t fully ready and she could take full advantage.

JudgeBread · 10/12/2025 12:56

I know this comment is going to get deleted and I apologise in advance mods for my language but honestly this is the language one employs when dealing with such buffoonery. I just hope you read it before it's deleted @Bearingsbear20

If this is real and not a reverse, you are a complete and utter piece of shit.

21ZIGGY · 10/12/2025 12:56

You dont have to follow the law. You want to for your own selfish gain. I wouldnt talk to you again either.

Cherrysoup · 10/12/2025 12:57

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:14

Yes @Solentsolo because I am following the intestacy rules, the draft will/ verbal agreement isn't valid.

But morally, that isn't at all fair, particularly if you are proposing to take 100% of your dad's estate. How can you justify this?

Matronic6 · 10/12/2025 12:57

Agree with the consensus in here. You are withing your legal rights but morally, what your are doing is disgusting. You know what your mothers wishes were and why she made them. You don't have to pursue the money, you could have honoured your agreement and your mothers wishes but the money is more important.

Monty34 · 10/12/2025 12:57

If anything is a lesson with this thread it is the parents who needed to get their Wills properly done via a Solicitor, witnessed etc. And clear about leaving what to whom.
It is one of the most important documents of your life. Get it done properly.

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 10/12/2025 12:57

I went NC with my father about 13 years ago, he was abusive to my mum and his wife after that. He was never really bothered about contact - was done through his parents, never paid any maintenance or helped with my upbringing, didn't see him for a few years in early twenties, then back in touch but always me doing the running. He then slagged off the man who raised me like one of his own and that's when I went NC. His grandchildren would not recognise him in the street.

He has 3 other children, I believe he is in contact with at least 2 of them. If he passes, I want my share of his estate because of all the hurt he has caused me in the past and my grandparents would have wanted that also as we were close.

MaggieBsBoat · 10/12/2025 12:58

Wow.
I am a lawyer and so well aware of the importance of rules. But the spirit of the law is entirely absent here. If doing a legally correct thing is more important to you than your sister then this says a lot.

You lack humanity and decency in my opinion and I am glad you aren’t my client.

Feelingrotten · 10/12/2025 12:58

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/12/2025 12:47

Where someone posts about a situation as if they are the other person in the situation, @Feelingrotten . So in this case, the OP would actually be the sibling who is getting rooked out of half their mum’s estate, not the one who has chosen to go back on the previous agreement.

It can be quite a manipulative thing to do.

Show quote history

Ok. Thank you. Weird

PapaSatanicus · 10/12/2025 12:59

Your lawyer should have advised you that your verbal contract with your borther was a legal contract. Your brother should challenge you in court and see if you purjure yourself in court…

You should never have made such a silly verbal legal contract.

ClawedButler · 10/12/2025 12:59

Either this is a reverse, and you're being disingenuous with us all, which is manipulative and really not nice to keep going so long

OR

You're the world's biggest, nastiest arsehole.

No way is anyone genuinely this thick, greedy and spiteful.

Blizzardofleaves · 10/12/2025 12:59

I feel awful for the sister she was abused as a child, has no relationship with her father. Her mother died suddenly and her sister has just sold her out. I hope she has a good therapist. What terrible luck.

Glowingup · 10/12/2025 13:00

If I was the sibling, I’d grit my teeth, “make up” with the abusive dad, act the caring and doting daughter, all the while subtly dropping hints about the horrible things the OP has said about him and how she’s been laughing about how she will be rolling in it once he’s gone. I’d do this until I had alienated the OP from her dad, support him in getting his new will drawn up and then, once he was gone, I’d go round to the OP’s house and gloat before telling her never to darken my door again.

CraftySeal · 10/12/2025 13:01

Surely a reverse.

Legally: "you" may well be in the right.
But what is legal does not determine what is moral.

Go ahead with claiming all of your legal due if you want, but you have no basis to then expect your sister not to feel hurt and betrayed, and not to want the same relationship with you any more.

feellikeanalien · 10/12/2025 13:01

If this is true then, if I was your sibling, once your mum's estate was completed I would be cutting contact with you and the rest of the family and having a peaceful life away from such nasty backstabbing people.

To me one of the worst things here is not the money but the fact that you are minimising your sister's childhood experiences .

If she suddenly decided to be like you and suck up childhood abuse in order to inherit and your father changed his will to 50/50 I bet you wouldn't be happy.

In any event are you sure that your previously abusive and now lovely father has actually drawn up his will as you think? Maybe he is stringing you along so that you will look after him.

Imagine how you would feel if that turns out to be the case.

Blizzardofleaves · 10/12/2025 13:01

Glowingup · 10/12/2025 13:00

If I was the sibling, I’d grit my teeth, “make up” with the abusive dad, act the caring and doting daughter, all the while subtly dropping hints about the horrible things the OP has said about him and how she’s been laughing about how she will be rolling in it once he’s gone. I’d do this until I had alienated the OP from her dad, support him in getting his new will drawn up and then, once he was gone, I’d go round to the OP’s house and gloat before telling her never to darken my door again.

Fight fire with fire.

Ijwwm · 10/12/2025 13:03

You are being totally unreasonable. Totally money-grabbing. I can’t say what else I think, I’d probably be banned!

Having lost my mum recently, and not having a great relationship with my dad, your posts have actually made me feel quite sick.

Enjoy your money.

Appleblum · 10/12/2025 13:03

You're so greedy. I'm glad you're not my sibling.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 10/12/2025 13:04

OP is this a joke??

sibling felt abused by dad. (Regardless of what happened - this is siblings view and I feel like you and the other family members are saying just suck it up)

sibling left for a bit. Dad removed him from the will whilst you and solicitor created will with dad. Does this feel a bit manipulative.

you then verbally agreed with sibling that as you are taking dads money; they will have mums

mum’s wishes were as above to make it fair. She phoned you to tell you this.

mum passes - sibling sorts the legal bits. You can’t as due a baby. You ask them to deal with. Then get annoyed when you’re not involved.

You then ignore agreement and try to get 50% and send letters to your sibling who eventually caves.

You are not going to share dad’s money so will end up with 100%.

is this a reverse?? - it’s so immoral and grabby and you’re ignoring trauma from your sibling and now mums wishes. Sibling likely feels ganged up on by you and dad.

Threewordname · 10/12/2025 13:04

You are falling back on "having to follow the law".

What normal people, people of integrity who honour agreements they have made, do in this sort of situation is follow the law, then sort it out between themselves, with part of the inheritance moving from one individual to another. That’s what has happened in the case of your mother.

Your complaint about lack of communication and your sibling settling debts etc. is ridiculous. You said yourself that you wanted them to be the administrator, but now you don’t like it when they do what an administrator is meant to do.

I don’t know how you can live with yourself, knowing that you have deliberately disregarded your mother's wishes about her property. Your excuse that she wasn’t well when she made her will is feeble in the extreme. You don’t seem so determined to simply "follow the law" when it’s not to your advantage.