To expect financial support from my husband

[PoisedUmberCrab]

….during mat leave.

background - just finished mat leave with
DC2. Situation was the same with DC1.

both work full time typically and contribute 50/50 towards mortgage, bills and all other expenses.

during mat leave my salary was 46% of what I usually earn (ie less than half). DH expected me to continue paying 50% of mortgage, bills expenses. His rationale is that he was not earning any more than usual.

this has left me in a hard position financially whereby I borrowed from my family to get by.

AIBU to think that he should have increased his contributions whilst I was earning significantly less than usual (and looking after our child on mat leave for a year).

You're being unreasonable to not have a shared pot for all money.

That aside, he's completely in the wrong.

What a prick your husband is! He needs to step up!

What are your earnings, are they similar.

There should be a joint pot

Assume he has more savings now?

When i was preparing to for mat leave we both put money into a savings account and that was my spending money. My mat pay for statutory after 8 weeks.
That worked for us as we didn't have a joint account.

Honestly this is disgraceful OP. Absolutely disgraceful. Is he part of the family or not? I’d be tempted to tell him to stick the marriage his hole.

Wouldn't have had a second child until you had sorted out finances. I hope he equally contributes to childcare costs, other DC costs

He is financially abusing you. Why should you bear all the financial burden of taking maternity leave when I assume that you both wanted to have this baby.

We had a shared money and he continued my pension contributions. I don’t think that is generous. I think it should be normal.

Everyday someone posts an aibu where the answer is so so obviously to LTB.

You had this man's children and he can't look after you.

Leave, and insist on a 50/50 split. We'll see how much hes for equality then. The twat.

In all honesty, just leave. Go to your family and start again. And dont settle for a 'feminist' man who believes in 'equality'. Hes most likely a stingy twat. Yabu.

Having children is a joint effort and commitment.

Your husband is acting as if the cost of having children is entirely on the mother’s shoulders. Did he say to you, before you went through the aggro of giving him children, that you were expected to cover all costs of maternity?

I see too many cases like this. I feel like men have taken advantage of ‘feminism’ and turned it round such that we now see cases of women having to pay their ‘fair share’ of all the household costs and 100% of costs relating to children: the maternity leave, the nursery fees, the children’s clothing. Oh, and while women are now having a career, they’re still expected to do all the household chores.

Please tell me you are on the mortgage.

You’re being unreasonable to have had a second child after he pulled this stunt the first time

@PoisedUmberCrab i have to ask! Why did you have a second child with him?!

Bet you pay more towards all the kids stuff. You need shared finances once kids are in the picture, it's too easy for mum to be abused otherwise.

I can't understand men who are happy to see their partners suffer and struggle. That's not a partnership.

Why on earth did you have a child with this man?
Why are you funding his child for him?
He is completely out of order and seems to have no care or respect for you.

I wonder what he'd expect to happen if he lost his job, was unable to work etc.

Okay, what on earth made you do this twice?

I bet he didn’t do 50% of the housework and childcare did he

is everything split 50/50 now you are back

but seriously why did you stay an do it again

Have you billed him for half the costs of all the items for the new baby? On a non joking note this is really outrageous of your DH and you need to be having a serious conversation about joint account and joint spending. Unless there is a massive backstory eg you have a gambling addiction or hid debts from DH etc.

Isn't he ashamed to call himself a man or even someone's husband?
YANBU at all, but if you stick around, you know what to expect on the next MAT leave.

I can understand why women are withholding their wombs, because no-one should procreate with these wastrels.

Edit - good grief! You did this twice? YABU too. I can't even blame him entirely.

Thanks all. Apparently everyone he knows doesn’t contribute extra towards their wives/partner’s portion of the bills.

we earn similar amounts however he has a company whereby he takes dividends rather than a regular wage.

divorce is on the horizon for a host of similar reasons (I expect you get a gist of how he is / what a muppet I have been to date). Online form complete, it’s just growing a pair and finally clicking the “submit to court” button, without effectively ruining my young children’s lives.

That's shitty OP. You should charge him for childcare!

Yes married and joint tenants on the mortgage. He contributed the deposit and as a result has historically said that he wants the deposit back in full, and 60% of the equity as a result of his “investment”.

Why did you have a second dc when you knew how things would pan out financially OP. Marriage to me means a shared pot, you both should feel the pinch financially of having dc.

You won’t ruin their lives @PoisedUmberCrab they will
have issues either way to be honest…that’s the human condition.

You wont ruin their lives if you go now, rather than stay while it gets worse. Guarantee though, youll be doing most of the parenting

Better that way than staying in an unhappy marriage xx