If you didn't have kids, would you still be with your husband?

[ChampagneProblem]

I wouldn't. We're together for the kids. Six more years until I'm free.

Am I the only one??

I wouldn’t be, no. We both have our issues so I’m not laying the blame at his door completely, but it’s just become so toxic.
To everyone on the outside looking in, it all seems like the perfect life. If only they knew.

Why don't you leave now?

Do you really want your children to be brought up in an unhappy marriage?

6 years, that's 6 years of arguments, sniping, pretending to be happy. That's awful for your children

As the child of divorce, I would always say that while both are awful, usually a child is better off dealing with divorce than living in a household filled with argument, ill feeling and a sense of depression that lingers over the house. Kids always pick up so much. Unless you are particularly good at pretending - and your partner is blissfully unaware too - it’s probably better you find happiness than carrying on in a marriage that you hate.

Poor children. Been together over 40 years wouldn't change a thing.

Yes. We're each other's 'person'. The children are an amazing bonus. I'm happy to be modelling a healthy relationship to them for their future choices.

Yes absolutely. I can't see us ever being apart.

I absolutely adore my husband. There are moments he drives me crazy, but most days I can’t believe how lucky I am.

Do I not have a moral obligation to stay together? To give my kids the best possible chance? Don't kids of separated parents have worse outcomes?

Yes, I hope so - in that I hope the pain of infertility wouldn’t have pulled us apart.

I love him dearly. He is the best of men.

So sorry things aren’t so good for you - can we help?

I wonder how many people are the other way around? “If we didn’t have kids we’d still be together.”

100% he’s my best friends

Yes, definitely. Of course we argue, I think most couples do. But they are productive arguments which bring us closer to each other, never mean arguments. He is definitely 'my person' and I can't imagine being without him.

Same. I think so and hope so but infertility was a real black hole. Dd is such a miracle

It’s not a definite that they would be worse off…I know children of parents who are together who have many issues!! And equally I know children of divorced parents who turned out great. Think of all the successful people out there who came from separated/divorced parents and all of those who had both who ended up with addiction problems, or did nothing with their lives. Are you not able to realise it’s not a one size fits all??

Same here!

We have been together over 30 years and are Childfree by choice. We’d not have survived if one of us had changed our minds.

And fwiw no i didn’t…I divorced him. My dc are doing great so far!

100% yes.

I love him. Love our time together, love our weekends away, can't wait for our future.

Don't get me wrong he drives me insane, I could bury a hammer in his head most days haha 😆

But he's mine.

No you don’t have a moral obligation to sacrifice your life and happiness, just to not rock your children’s boat.

Financially most people with children have to stay together. It’s more of a financial business decision than a moral one. Most people I know would split up if they had the money.

@ChampagneProblem - I think when we think about that we're talking about comparing children who've grown up with parents in happy healthy relationships with those who are not. If you children are exposed to you and your H being unhappy together think about what you are modelling to them about relationships. I also, like a PP, grew up with 2 parents who were very unhappy together and with each other and it's been deeply damaging. My step kids by contrast parents split up when they were young, I'm not saying it was easy for them but they've grown into happy healthy young people who have good relationships with both parents (and me!).

You have an obligation to try your best to make it work. You don't have an obligation to stay with someone who is unkind to you, who doesn't pull their weight, who doesn't view you as an equal partner.
If you are routinely arguing thats also not good for your children. If you seperate whilst things are semi amicable you my be able to co parent better than if you reach a toxic breaking point. Children can thrive in Co parenting situations where they are put first. A friend of mine has a 'nesting' situation - children stay in family home and the parents move in and out of it to look after their children. They also own a small 2 bed flat where each has own bedroom and they move between that and family home

I will never understand anyone that says, we/i stay together for the kids or money.
Backwards thinking is what i call it.

I was thinking this. I feel more like leaving my DP now we’ve got kids 😂

Kids from all sorts of backgrouds have differnt outcomes.
Ive seen adults that have had single mums and dads raised without the other parent ever being their, and done bloody well for themselfs.
Ive also seen them from 2 parent homes and not do so well.
Some grow up and and cant settle because all they now is how their parents hated each other, but stayed together for the kids.

Yes without a shadow of a doubt. He is my everything and I can’t imagine life without him and now I share this love with our children, part of me and part of him. But I completely understand how blessed I am to be in this situation. I am a child of divorce so made it my mission to ensure I picked the man I could model healthy relationships with the most for our then future kids.

but I am extremely lucky and if you’re not in this situation you must do what prioritises yourself and the kids at the same time❤️