If you didn't have kids, would you still be with your husband?

[ChampagneProblem]

I wouldn't. We're together for the kids. Six more years until I'm free.

Am I the only one??

Yes, we're happy together and I look forward to growing old with him and having more couple time with him when the dcs are older/have left home. Been together 18 years and still feels fresh.

Yes because of the physical side of the relationship, we are more in love with each now than when we got married. There's a lot of fun to be had as a couple in our 40s and 50s....I can't keep my hands off of him.

Yes absolutely.

We decided not to have kids together and I can’t imagine actually having them together. We are aligned in so many ways and our morals the same but our parenting styles are not. I have the ultimate say with mine and him with his but we have clashed on what we both thought appropriate over the years especially when they were teens. I think had we had kids together it may have been the thing we couldn’t work through

Same 💐

It’s hard to say because the last 16 years would have been so different if we hadn’t had kids. Maybe life would have pulled us apart rather than pushed us together. I’d like to think we’d still be together but I can see scenarios where it wouldn’t have lasted.

Oh goodness, yes. He’s fantastic, kind and dependable and thoroughly good. He’s also an incredibly hard worker, sharp as a tack and fucking gorgeous to boot.

I am sorry you’re unhappy in your marriage. I can’t help but feel it’s a worse example to set to your children that marriage is to be endured and not enjoyed than it is to separate and coparent as best you can.

Same position as you. I left and my kids are a million times happier. You’re thinking it’s more stable to stay for their sake but what example are you setting them? No matter how miserable you are it’s tough you have to stick it out. That’s not a lesson I wanted to teach my kids.

Your modeling an unhappy marriage

No I don't think I would. That's sad to say but i think the only thing we have in common is the kids. He irritates the life out of me most of the time but he's a great dad and a good provider.

Nope

Yes.

I love spending time with my DH. It can be on a cruise or pottering about in the garden or a breakfast out at Spoons, I just love us being together, chatting making plans and just enjoying each others company. He makes me feel cherished and loved and appreciated. I hope I make him feel the same way. We like to spoil each other. He brings me tea in bed. I make positive noises about his football team.

I wouldn't be with my husband. There's not any arguing and we get along fine, but I don't dream of our future together once the kids leave.
I'm not unhappy, we just rub along.
He's a good dad and good provider.

Lovely to hear from those who are so in love with their husbands and who are treated and cared for.
Can't imagine what that feels like. Not a complaint but a statement of fact.
I raised my son alone so very independent and self sufficient.
Lots of negatives in single parenthood that isn't always acknowledged.
Sending strength to those who are unhappy in their marriages.

No kids to stay together for, but still together after more than 20 years.

My husband shows up and really tries, to listen. Support, understand etc. It’s that energy and emotional work (we both do) that keeps us together. Don’t get me wrong we have had massive rows and stalked off for an hour to cool down shouting divorce etc, but we always come back and regulate through things together.

If we ever stopped that then I’d guess our days would be numbered. But also I’d be ok with that because partner who can’t be arsed showing up isn’t worth having. My husband grew up in a separated home with extreme dysfunction, and he is a wonderful man who has achieved so much
and is such a decent person. Don’t make yourself miserable thinking it’s noble and it’s giving the kids a better start, they absorb everything. Better to see strong healthy boundaries and a focus on inner happiness than years of distortion and a ‘happy marriage’.

Probably not, he tries his best to suck the joy out of everything. He would absolutely go for 50% custody if we split and I can't imagine DC spending half their childhood with someone who would never do anything with them, take them anywhere, make a big deal of special occasions, play with them, laugh with them etc etc. So I stay and do my best to fill their and my lives with happiness. I'm hoping it's a phase but it seems to be getting worse as he gets older and his mum is just like that too so maybe it's not.

No but not because we have an awful relationship or dont want to be together, more because we have worked through some really really difficult times and experiences that I dont think we would have worked through had it not been for having children together. We have really worked hard at our relationship and I know we wouldnt have put in that work if we didnt have kids. It hasn't been easy but I feel proud of ourselves and the home and family we have created as a result so I always say, don't stay for the children but put in the work for them. If after putting in the work it's still not the way it should be, then you leave.

We'd be friends but not necessarily trying to run a household together. We're like eachother's comfiest slippers, but there are aspects to his personality which, over the years, have slowed me down and caused me to make choices which, although not terrible, did not always further my betterment and wellbeing but benefited us and by extension, him. He will always be in my life but I'm almost certain we will let eachother go with love and blessings at some point.

I have a good relationship with DH but no, without my DC we would not still be together. He kind of bores me now. We were different people twenty odd years ago and he also has let himself go a bit (sorry I know that is shallow), but also can't sit down for ten minutes without falling asleep. I feel like I am married to his dad. He also goes to bed at 9pm and wonders why we don't have sex much when our teen is still up and sometimes having dinner with me.......

its hard to say because before we had kids we were unbelievably happy so likely yes. But if we were like we are now probably not, our relationship isn’t bad or negative we are just not very connected. If this had happened in a relationship before I had kids i would have moved on.

Yes, without a shadow of a doubt. The only real difference is we would get better sleep and would travel more.

I think so, yes. We'd have had a very different life though, so who knows what that might have thrown up over the years.

Yes. 100%.