If you didn't have kids, would you still be with your husband?

[ChampagneProblem]

I wouldn't. We're together for the kids. Six more years until I'm free.

Am I the only one??

I wish my parents had divorced when I was a kid. It was hell living with my dad.

Yes we would still be together, nobody is perfect and we’ve had tough times but we’ve pulled through and it’s been worthed!

I stayed with my H for at least 3 years thinking it was the best for my children. Until May this year when I realised that us being together is actually far worse for them, so I left in July. The difference in how I feel can’t be anything other than positive and the change in household atmosphere is unbelievable.

I think its a personal decision, based on the situation you are in. I was very unhappy and although it was a shock, my children are in a better position to achieve as I have been able to support them much more on my own than I ever would have been able to married.

I'm genuinely not sure. We're happy enough but I'm not sure how we'll be when our daughter has flown the nest.

Actually, I do think I'd be quite happy on my own and I can see that in my future, but not because being with DH is terrible.

I probably wouldn't have left without children and put up with the behaviour. Once children came along his behaviour was in sharp focus and non negotiable and open to school and children service view.

I think the OP obviously can, but on the balance of probability things will likely lead to worse outcomes than if a tolerable, amicable partnership can be maintained.

Absolutely. Yes we have our moments and there have been two times in the past where we have had to really sit down and work out our issues. But we both really love being together and I look forward to our child free years in the future where we can travel more.

Yes, I'd still choose to be with my husband regardless if we had a child or not. I love my husband, he's my rock. Yes, he drives me crazy at times, but then I'm sure I drive him just as crazy! He's a fantastic husband and Dad to our son.

Yes. 100%. I adore him and he me.

However, I do wish my mother had left my father. Or my father had left.
Anything other than the toxic hell they made us live in. And now they're dead. What a fucking waste.
But times were different then. I get that. I get why she didnt. Doesn't change the shit house of my childhood though.

Absolutely. He's lush

No!

No, we wouldn't. We get on though and work well as a team so there doesn't seem to he a good enough reason to leave. There is zero affection or intimacy though, which I do worry about as a model for relationships.

I got divorced in 2010 when mine were 10 and 13. They are doing absolutely brilliantly now.

Do you really believe you have to stay stuck in an unhappy marriage because you have children?

Yes 31 years later 2 kids and I wouldn't be without him. He is amazing. Yes we have our "days" but he is one very special person.
Love him and respect him to bits

No. Quite the opposite. If you really put the kids best interest first, it’s better to divorce while they’re younger/ not out of the house yet.
If you divorce now/ while they’re at home, their core support is still available to them- you as parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc and they continue to receive the love they’d normally do while dealing with the split.
if you divorce when they leave to university/ finish school, on top of the split they have to navigate leaving the home, finding jobs and generally figuring out their place in the auditing world.
id argue the latter is way harder and can affect them worse.

We’d be together.

Our young adult children are now in the process of leaving home. Dd1 already has her own place with her dp and dd2 bought a flat today! Ds is still here.

So we spend more time just the 2 of us these days and it’s great. 35 years together and we’ve still not run out of things to talk about!

Yes I’m pretty sure I’d still be married. My ex husband specifically cited our bus family life and our children for his reason for leaving

What specific morality or morals do you have in mind? At the moment you’re lying to your husband and to your children.

If you say this because of some notion of what is often referred to as “family values”, then I suggest it would be helpful if you’re explicit about what these are, because for the most part that’s a term that’s used by politicians to dog whistle those who yearn for an ideal of simplicity and exclusivity without wishing to think too deeply.

Absolutely not.

Difficult to say because it was having a child that broke us, so we probably wouldn't have had a reason to break up if we didn't have a child, but it's also what keeps us from actually separating. I'm still hoping things might improve in the future but it seems unlikely.

Probably not, no. 16 years in. There have been many issues in the past that I won't go into. Add to that 5 years of infertility and finally we got our miracle child. I do still love him. We've just grown apart, can't seem to go a day without bickering and don't seem to be compatible any more (which I don't think is anyone's fault). He is a great dad, super hands-on, does loads around the house and our daughter adores him. We put her first and put all our energy into making her happy. For years we thought we'd never have a child.

But more and more I worry and feel guilty about her not growing up in a household where she sees her parents being affectionate, happy and laughing together that much. We've never had blazing rows in front of her but I'm sure she can pick up on some of the tension. I feel horribly guilty for that. Some days I can't really believe it ended up this way and I feel really sad I'm not with someone that's 100% right for me anymore. But gosh it's so easy to say: just up and leave! Our daughter is very young. We are not rich. Despite both working our backsides off, finances can still be tight. I'm so glad if others have been able to walk away but I'm sure there are others like me for whom that hasn't been feasible. I think we'll see what the future holds. Solidarity to anyone else in the same position as it can be really tough 😢

Yes, I adore my husband. Our DC are young adults now and we still love each other madly. If I didn't I would have divorced DC or not. Unhappy marriages model horrible relationships for your children. Staying together will not help your children at all.

No

No? Who told you you did?

I’d rather my children dealt with the divorce than grew up watching their parents barely tolerate each other. You’re modelling relationships and how to love another to your children; are you modelling something that you’d be happy for them to emulate as adults?