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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU about baby activity table

145 replies

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 16:42

Recieved message yesterday whilst out from OH of an audioclip of our almost 10 month old crying and a message saying your shallowness followed by I'm sick of your retarded choices...grow up...fu*king mature...it's enough...you're my enemy...I'd asked what happened but he wouldn't say just kept messaging messages like above... When he did answer he said baby had wobbled and hit temple on activity table then he said your dumb fuck activity table has no benefit to him, just your shallow self to make you feel good...our baby has been poorly so has been abit unstable on his feet and falling over more often, I knew that as he'd had a wobble during the morning when I was looking after him so was having to stand holding him. OH claims he was right next to him holding him but then continued to say it was a dumb investment along with the new dining table I purchased... for reference it's just a metal frame with wooden top and 2 benches... We've removed the benches as baby kept using them to pull up on and OH was worried about injury and also came back to find my Christmas table arch removed as he also said that's a stupid investment also. I didn't put a tree up this year obviously because of 10 month old, but have put a table arch with garland and some other Christmassy bits around up high of the floor. I continued to get aggressive messages calling it shallow, stupid fuckery that doesn't prioritise baby and that he's had enough of my absolute fucking immature mindset and fuck me and my ideas. When I came home he told me I didn't deserve to have children. Surely an activity table and a dining table are pretty standard things and not wild ideas? I think he's being precious and absolutely crazy, but interested to hear others POV as maybe I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 17:44

Normalorproblem · 08/12/2025 17:24

Are you sure he wasn’t saying this to your baby and accidentally recorded himself ? And was the accident actually an accident? I’d be extremely worried he was covering up and saying about tables as he accidentally sent a voice note verbally abusing your child and was covering his tracks

Oh no, the voice note was just a short clip of baby crying, the rest was typed messages that were definitely to me and I'm 100 percent certain he didn't hurt the baby and our baby did just wobble and bump his head

OP posts:
Ddakji · 08/12/2025 17:45

You need to leave this absolutely abusive shit of a man now.

Lookingforthejoy · 08/12/2025 17:46

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 17:42

To clear up some comments and concerns. Yes I am used to his behaviour. We also have a 9 year old and I've no concerns about him around the baby, he's never been angry at either of them and adores the baby just I get the blame if baby gets injured or gets too upset, for example one night he was overtired and crying and I got a barrage of abuse over that too and a few days ago he was stood talking to me and baby was standing at baby gate (he could also see this and didn't move him away) baby fell and hurt himself and that was my fault because I was trying to listen and pay attention to what he was talking to me about that I hadn't moved quick enough to catch baby but he was literally also right there so could have also responded. He was not like this with our 9 year old when he was a baby, he has changed alot over the years.

You should be concerned. Your children are being emotionally abused and you’re failing to protect them from abuse.

Thewhywhybird · 08/12/2025 17:47

What on earth are you doing with this man? This is abuse.

SchrodingersKoala · 08/12/2025 17:49

It doesn't matter what he was like 9 years ago, he is acting like an abusive twat towards you and I'd have concerns about his temper around a very small child. I'd look to leave him. Your furniture and decor choices are not the issue here.

Btowngirl · 08/12/2025 17:51

Sounds awful. Also why wouldn’t you have normal household items with babies? We have a tree and our baby loves it…

ItsDarkNow · 08/12/2025 17:51

@Whiteoleander2
Go back and read your own thread from August 2024. You got pages of advice telling you he is abusive.
Your children get one chance at childhood.
For their sakes get help to leave him.

NerrSnerr · 08/12/2025 17:53

He is awful. His behaviour will rub off on your children and it’s likely he’ll start abusing them as they get older (unless he already is and the OP is so conditioned to his behaviour she doesn’t see it). Please don’t choose to stay with a man who treats you so badly.

IwishIcouldconfess · 08/12/2025 17:53

Jesus Christ OP, yes the activity table is the issue here clearly!

Not the fact you are with an abusive man!

For goodness sake protect yourself and your children.

Why do people accept such low standards, why?

IwishIcouldconfess · 08/12/2025 17:53

ItsDarkNow · 08/12/2025 17:51

@Whiteoleander2
Go back and read your own thread from August 2024. You got pages of advice telling you he is abusive.
Your children get one chance at childhood.
For their sakes get help to leave him.

Please can you link it?

Glowingup · 08/12/2025 17:53

Err yeah, so he sounds like a good person to be in a relationship with and have children with. 👍

cocog · 08/12/2025 17:56

Tell him your dumb idea was getting with him, he was supposed to be supervising the child all the failures are on him also tell him to take a look and reread the text message he sent you and tell him if he sends nasty spiteful messages to you because he was finding it hard to cope with his own child he will be single he doesn't get to blame you when he has a parenting failure. He sounds awful don’t let him get away with treating you like this or he will do it again and it will escalate he sounds abusive.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 08/12/2025 17:59

YABU for not taking immediate steps to leave this man.

2026 could be so different for you if you end this relationship.

Please, seek help and advice to get away from him.

Wishimaywishimight · 08/12/2025 18:00

Why are you even engaging with this thing you call an OH?

MrsMoastyToasty · 08/12/2025 18:04

What if HE has injured the baby and is trying to pass it off as an accident? Think about that for a second...

IwishIcouldconfess · 08/12/2025 18:07

What will be your tipping point @Whiteoleander2 ?
When will you wake up to the fact you are being abused?
Why are you happy for your children to witness you being abused?
Why?

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 18:12

MrsMoastyToasty · 08/12/2025 18:04

What if HE has injured the baby and is trying to pass it off as an accident? Think about that for a second...

I don't need a second to think about it because I know it wouldn't happen. He's not like that not to babies and children anyway. Baby is fine and doesn't have a mark on him, he'd also wobbled and nearly fell on the activity table the same morning on me but I caught him in time guessing OH didn't. It was obviously a superficial bump where he fell and cried for a few seconds but OH likes to be dramatic about things.

OP posts:
Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 18:13

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 18:12

I don't need a second to think about it because I know it wouldn't happen. He's not like that not to babies and children anyway. Baby is fine and doesn't have a mark on him, he'd also wobbled and nearly fell on the activity table the same morning on me but I caught him in time guessing OH didn't. It was obviously a superficial bump where he fell and cried for a few seconds but OH likes to be dramatic about things.

Basically if he hadn't of messaged me I wouldn't have been any the wiser

OP posts:
Newsenmum · 08/12/2025 18:13

If he’s that abusive to you I dred to think what he’s like with that baby.

ItsDarkNow · 08/12/2025 18:13

He messaged you to abuse you.

Treatingmyself · 08/12/2025 18:13

Your poor poor kids.

Newsenmum · 08/12/2025 18:14

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 18:12

I don't need a second to think about it because I know it wouldn't happen. He's not like that not to babies and children anyway. Baby is fine and doesn't have a mark on him, he'd also wobbled and nearly fell on the activity table the same morning on me but I caught him in time guessing OH didn't. It was obviously a superficial bump where he fell and cried for a few seconds but OH likes to be dramatic about things.

Really? That’s what people always think. He’s clearly a piece of shit.

StickWars · 08/12/2025 18:16

You shouldn't put up with this. He's verbally abusive.

Your kids are learning to treat people like this or be treated like this in their adult relationships. This is their normal. Leave him and show them that it's not normal and shouldn't be accepted as a normal way to treat other people.

titchy · 08/12/2025 18:18

You know both your kids are going to grow up into abusive partners don’t you? Please find the strength to leave.