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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU about baby activity table

145 replies

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 16:42

Recieved message yesterday whilst out from OH of an audioclip of our almost 10 month old crying and a message saying your shallowness followed by I'm sick of your retarded choices...grow up...fu*king mature...it's enough...you're my enemy...I'd asked what happened but he wouldn't say just kept messaging messages like above... When he did answer he said baby had wobbled and hit temple on activity table then he said your dumb fuck activity table has no benefit to him, just your shallow self to make you feel good...our baby has been poorly so has been abit unstable on his feet and falling over more often, I knew that as he'd had a wobble during the morning when I was looking after him so was having to stand holding him. OH claims he was right next to him holding him but then continued to say it was a dumb investment along with the new dining table I purchased... for reference it's just a metal frame with wooden top and 2 benches... We've removed the benches as baby kept using them to pull up on and OH was worried about injury and also came back to find my Christmas table arch removed as he also said that's a stupid investment also. I didn't put a tree up this year obviously because of 10 month old, but have put a table arch with garland and some other Christmassy bits around up high of the floor. I continued to get aggressive messages calling it shallow, stupid fuckery that doesn't prioritise baby and that he's had enough of my absolute fucking immature mindset and fuck me and my ideas. When I came home he told me I didn't deserve to have children. Surely an activity table and a dining table are pretty standard things and not wild ideas? I think he's being precious and absolutely crazy, but interested to hear others POV as maybe I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 20:09

IwishIcouldconfess · 08/12/2025 19:58

What can't you physically do after having a baby?

I'm genuinely interested?

Would physio help?

I'm already under a physio but my first appointment was only about 2 weeks ago and my follow up isn't until January. I also have still tried to go to the gym since may but I have just been really struggling with my body post partum as I was a active gym goer up until 1 month before he was born. Since he's been born I've had issues with my ribs, tingling down my back and really bad back pain which I've been on painkillers for, weak legs. Sometimes I struggle to even pick/hold/carry the baby and can't hold him for more than a few minutes. More recently I've been struggling to walk. His dad does a large chunk of looking after him which obviously gives me chance to rest my body

OP posts:
Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 20:11

IwishIcouldconfess · 08/12/2025 19:58

How old are you @Whiteoleander2

35

OP posts:
MarmorCake · 08/12/2025 20:11

Ddakji · 08/12/2025 20:07

You’re being abused by your partner. That’s exactly what women’s aid are there for - to help you extricate yourself from this situation. Please do get in touch with them.

Absolutely!
Honestly OP, I'm worried about you. Please speak to Women's Aid. When did his change in behaviour start? Since your youngest was born and you're more dependent on him?

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 20:12

Fdsew · 08/12/2025 19:59

Yet you are still having sex with him?
Having another child when your older child does not have a good relationship is a strange decision?
He sounds awful.

There relationship has broken down more recently.

OP posts:
Ddakji · 08/12/2025 20:15

MarmorCake · 08/12/2025 20:11

Absolutely!
Honestly OP, I'm worried about you. Please speak to Women's Aid. When did his change in behaviour start? Since your youngest was born and you're more dependent on him?

He was behaving like this when she was pregnant with the second - she posted about him in 2024.

IwishIcouldconfess · 08/12/2025 20:15

Send him to his dads

IwishIcouldconfess · 08/12/2025 20:15

Send him to his dads

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 20:28

MarmorCake · 08/12/2025 20:11

Absolutely!
Honestly OP, I'm worried about you. Please speak to Women's Aid. When did his change in behaviour start? Since your youngest was born and you're more dependent on him?

Thanks, I will do. Honestly it's been a slow change, but one thing was he used to atleast own up to when he was in the wrong and apologize and now he never even bothers to say sorry as he is convinced he's never in the wrong anymore and has nothing to be sorry for so that was a rapid shift that came out of nowhere.

OP posts:
Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 20:30

IwishIcouldconfess · 08/12/2025 20:15

Send him to his dads

He doesn't have a relationship with his own dad. His dad lives in a different country and he hasn't seen him in about 15 years.

OP posts:
IwishIcouldconfess · 08/12/2025 20:33

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 20:30

He doesn't have a relationship with his own dad. His dad lives in a different country and he hasn't seen him in about 15 years.

You said earlier his dad does a large chunk of childcare??

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 20:41

IwishIcouldconfess · 08/12/2025 20:33

You said earlier his dad does a large chunk of childcare??

Oh sorry I thought you meant send OH to his dad's 😂 yeah OH does a large chunk of the childcare with the baby but obviously if he's got nowhere to move out to then I can't send the baby.

OP posts:
Nearly50omg · 08/12/2025 20:45

Go see an experienced osteopath and get yourself sorted out. This isn’t something a physio can do anything about

Pumpkinmagic · 08/12/2025 20:49

He sounds absolutely crazy, I’d have left already. There isn’t any going back after he spoke to you like this.

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 21:51

Nearly50omg · 08/12/2025 20:45

Go see an experienced osteopath and get yourself sorted out. This isn’t something a physio can do anything about

I will look into it, thankyou 😊

OP posts:
FarmGirl78 · 08/12/2025 21:53

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:59

I am aware of that but it is for me to worry about when he's not doing anything to get himself sorted because he can't afford to private rent and hes not a priority to be moved by the council, meaning I'm currently stuck in this situation until something changes...

No. It's not for you to worry about. You get him to leave, either voluntarily or with Police or Womens Aids help, and HE worries about where he sleeps that night. Not you. You're putting the priorities of an abuser above those of yourself and your children.

MarmorCake · 09/12/2025 06:40

Pumpkinmagic · 08/12/2025 20:49

He sounds absolutely crazy, I’d have left already. There isn’t any going back after he spoke to you like this.

Would you though? I didn't. I only saw it for what it was when the verbal abuse turned physical. Until then you hope that the man he once was will come back.
Please OP, don't be me. I know it's hard, but there are people who can and will help.

Newsenmum · 09/12/2025 07:57

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:10

I said he wasn't hurting or abusing the baby nor did he hurt or abuse our other son as a baby/toddler. Now our son is older they don't have a good relationship and he is quite rude to our older son also. Our older son is also very rude to me but I guess he has seen his dad behave that way. I don't doubt that if the baby disappoints him in someway as he grows up and makes mistakes he also won't receive the same treatment but abusive as in hurting the baby, absolutely not. He wouldn't lay a finger on the baby.

Well youve just shown us that your older son doesn’t have a good relationship with his dad. This is so sad. So he’s not a good dad is he.

gogomomo2 · 09/12/2025 08:01

Not only are they normal but a dining room table is also really important to teach table manners, sitting together to eat is so important. Get help

Sartre · 09/12/2025 08:17

All 10 month old babies are wobbly! I distinctly remember considering getting mine a helmet because he fell so much. It’s common, they’re learning. The activity table and dining table have absolutely nothing to do with this. Your DP is abusive.

LWP · 09/12/2025 08:32

What a cruel man! Im so so sorry OP but if he loved you he wouldn’t speak to you this way. It seems as though he’s venting some frustration about something else onto you, do you have any financial worry?

also - what mother doesn’t want to make the home a lovely environment at Christmas, he should feel thankful that you’ve clearly taken the time to think about these decisions! I would do my best to stand firm and don’t back down on any of the decisions you’ve made, if you do then it’ll only get worse. A Christmas tree is normal with a 10 month old, is this man the grinch?

I won’t tell you ‘leave’ but I will tell you that having an escape plan is golden. Just in case you hit breaking point at an unexpected moment.

in the meantime, focus on baby, yourself and live for the happy times. This period won’t last forever, no matter what you choose. I hope you have someone you can reach out to, if in doubt a women’s charity would be able to support you through as this is abuse!!!

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