AIBU about baby activity table

[Whiteoleander2]

Recieved message yesterday whilst out from OH of an audioclip of our almost 10 month old crying and a message saying your shallowness followed by I'm sick of your retarded choices...grow up...fu*king mature...it's enough...you're my enemy...I'd asked what happened but he wouldn't say just kept messaging messages like above... When he did answer he said baby had wobbled and hit temple on activity table then he said your dumb fuck activity table has no benefit to him, just your shallow self to make you feel good...our baby has been poorly so has been abit unstable on his feet and falling over more often, I knew that as he'd had a wobble during the morning when I was looking after him so was having to stand holding him. OH claims he was right next to him holding him but then continued to say it was a dumb investment along with the new dining table I purchased... for reference it's just a metal frame with wooden top and 2 benches... We've removed the benches as baby kept using them to pull up on and OH was worried about injury and also came back to find my Christmas table arch removed as he also said that's a stupid investment also. I didn't put a tree up this year obviously because of 10 month old, but have put a table arch with garland and some other Christmassy bits around up high of the floor. I continued to get aggressive messages calling it shallow, stupid fuckery that doesn't prioritise baby and that he's had enough of my absolute fucking immature mindset and fuck me and my ideas. When I came home he told me I didn't deserve to have children. Surely an activity table and a dining table are pretty standard things and not wild ideas? I think he's being precious and absolutely crazy, but interested to hear others POV as maybe I am being unreasonable.

Your 9 year old may disclose the abuse to a teacher or a friend’s parent. That is a real possibility.

I hope for all their sakes he does.

ok so your kids aren't physically at risk but what about the emotionally abusive household they're living in?

That's ok.

he's a HUGE reason your have mental health problems. and splitting up doesn't mean he stops parenting, unless he actually doesn't love the kids

But your children can hear him, they are victims of his anger just as much as you are. Growing up with angry parents is absolutely shit.
You're going to stay with him and put up with it though, aren't you?

He may never lay a finger on them OP, but if they are witnessing him abusing you they will be affected by this. It sounds to me like he was annoyed you had gone out and didn’t need much of an excuse to start sending you horrible messages.

But watching abuse is still abuse…

I know it's shit as I grew up in an environment where I never knew what kind of mood my dad was going to come home in and if he was going to start being abusive towards my mum. I just feel trapped as I can't leave and he says he's happy to leave but then acts nice and normal and the cycle just repeats.

I don’t understand how you believe he would never hurt or abuse the children in any way but talks to you like utter shit. You can’t stay with this man. I feel so sad for your kids.

Until you are ready to see his majorly psychological abusive behaviour towards you absolutely effests your children, particularly your nine year old, nobody can really help you. We can give advice and support on here but ultimately it's up to you.
When you are ready call Women's Aid, they will help you.
But you have to help yourself first and realise you are in an deeply abusive relationship with an abusive man and your children are being directly affected everyday of their childhood.

You grew up with abuse and you have chosen the same kind of man; your children will grow up to repeat the cycle unless you change things now.

Amd you're accepting the same for your children.

If you don't leave him your children are likely to end up the same way. Do you really want to look ahead 20 years and picture them in abusive relationships. You have the power to stop this by leaving him. Otherwise they're going to presume this abuse of normal and expect it in their own relationships.

Ok. Break down why you can’t leave. Because it’s probably not as closed off as you might think it is.

Make your starting point - I can’t stay with this abusive man.

I said he wasn't hurting or abusing the baby nor did he hurt or abuse our other son as a baby/toddler. Now our son is older they don't have a good relationship and he is quite rude to our older son also. Our older son is also very rude to me but I guess he has seen his dad behave that way. I don't doubt that if the baby disappoints him in someway as he grows up and makes mistakes he also won't receive the same treatment but abusive as in hurting the baby, absolutely not. He wouldn't lay a finger on the baby.

What are your reasons for not ditching him? He sounds awful. You are minimising and making excuse for his behaviour. I wouldn’t hesitate to either kick him out or leave myself.

Re read that OP.
The evidence you need is right in front of you.
But you have no plans to do anything about it.
Your poor bloody kids.

That's not really fair. Op said he wasn't like this with their oldest. He's ramped it up, and changed.

We don't know the nature of op's health problems.

And that is why you are in this sort of relationship now. Your mum didn’t find the strength to leave. By staying with him you’re ensuring the cycle continues to your boys unless you find the strength.

So your arsehole husband has created a carbon copy of himself for the future generation of girls to deal with! You need to get the fuck away from him. Things will only get worse

It's not that I don't see it. I worry that no one will help as I mentioned to my midwife when I was pregnant and asked if I could get a letter to help with housing so he could move out and was told she couldn't help because it would be helping him get housing and not me. I'm classed as sufficiently housed by my local council. I've already spoken with them and they also are aware of the situation, gp has done a supporting letter which details the arguments Infront of the children and the abusive name calling towards me etc but for the foreseeable there's no chance of him moving out the property until he can get somewhere suitable from the council.

That’s really good you’ve started a paper trail.

Do you have these messages saved? I would go back to the GP with that, or to the council - so they have someone who deals with domestic abuse victims?

No one is going to rehouse an abusive single man.
What's the situation with you home, is it rented and in whose names?

When I chose him he was nothing like my dad and the kind of man who doted on me and would have done anything for me, but I've watched him slowly change over the years and become a shell of the person I knew