AIBU about baby activity table

[Whiteoleander2]

Recieved message yesterday whilst out from OH of an audioclip of our almost 10 month old crying and a message saying your shallowness followed by I'm sick of your retarded choices...grow up...fu*king mature...it's enough...you're my enemy...I'd asked what happened but he wouldn't say just kept messaging messages like above... When he did answer he said baby had wobbled and hit temple on activity table then he said your dumb fuck activity table has no benefit to him, just your shallow self to make you feel good...our baby has been poorly so has been abit unstable on his feet and falling over more often, I knew that as he'd had a wobble during the morning when I was looking after him so was having to stand holding him. OH claims he was right next to him holding him but then continued to say it was a dumb investment along with the new dining table I purchased... for reference it's just a metal frame with wooden top and 2 benches... We've removed the benches as baby kept using them to pull up on and OH was worried about injury and also came back to find my Christmas table arch removed as he also said that's a stupid investment also. I didn't put a tree up this year obviously because of 10 month old, but have put a table arch with garland and some other Christmassy bits around up high of the floor. I continued to get aggressive messages calling it shallow, stupid fuckery that doesn't prioritise baby and that he's had enough of my absolute fucking immature mindset and fuck me and my ideas. When I came home he told me I didn't deserve to have children. Surely an activity table and a dining table are pretty standard things and not wild ideas? I think he's being precious and absolutely crazy, but interested to hear others POV as maybe I am being unreasonable.

Someone who is in the frame of mind to send that kind of abuse should not be left in sole charge of a baby.

Amazing. He'd do anything for our baby, he adores him. Just not so amazing with the way he speaks to me

He is abusing his children. Can you not see that?

Sorry I was just worried as have sometimes sent a voice note by mistake and wondered if this was a similar but more concerning situation

Yeah he’ll do anything for him except provide him with an emotionally secure, warm happy childhood.

You are kidding yourself. Amazing fathers do not treat their baby’s mother like a piece of shit. When they are caring for their babies, they are focused on their babies. They are not busy typing abusive messages while their baby is crying and needing comfort.

Abusing you is abusing the children.

Allowing children to grow up in a home where there is domestic abuse is abuse in itself, even if you think he "wouldn't do it to the kids".

Oh god, OP, I’ve just seen your thread from 2024 when you were pregnant.

You need to leave, otherwise you’re going to be here in another year’s time and in the meantime your children will be abused more and more.

I'm lost for words @Whiteoleander2

So amazing that he abuses their mother amd you're happy with that?

He’s abusive, and a very bad dad. Don’t for a minute think differently. Good dads don’t verbally abuse the mother of their children and their partner.

Even if you are absolutely certain that your DH will never lose his temper with one of the children (and I'm not sure how you can be), your children are living in an abusive household because they see and hear how he treats you.

That is emotional abuse of the children and a safeguarding issue.

You need to be the better parent and seek help to leave the marriage in the best interests of your children.

Once you have left you will start to wonder how and why you put up with his behaviour all that time.

Yes really, but if you want to think that, that is your opinion. You would have to know him to know he treats the baby very preciously but agree I think he is a piece of shit the way he speaks to me.

Here’s women’s aid. https://womensaid.org.uk/

And why do you accept it?
Is this really how you want you children being brought up.

Please @Whiteoleander2 for their sake. Seek some help.

Your sons will grow up to treat you and their future partners exactly the same way if this is the model of relationships you both give them.
You are doing your children lifelong damage by subjecting them to a toxic relationship.

I totally understand that you are the victim and it often isn't as easy as just leaving, but you have the opportunity to prioritise your children. This isn't any way for them to grow up.

If a child lives in a household with an adult who is being absuive to another member of the household then that child is considered to be being abused. He is abusing your children and you’re allowing it.

This is the impact it will have in your children
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xh1XmLghCws&pp=ygUqa2FsZWlkb3Njb3BlIGNoYXJpdHkgZW1vdGlvbmFsIGNoaWxkIGFidXNl

The baby had an accident on HIS watch and here you are wondering if you’re to blame.

He’s got inside your head OP. Absolute madness to even consider if you are even slightly unreasonable.

Also, your baby will grow up thinking that you’re worthless if he hears his dad berating you like this.

That's fine, you don't seem to taking this seriously or care at all, let your children grow up with their first view of women and how to act in a relationship being verbal and emotional abuse.
You're making threads on it, you know it isn't right. You need to read up on verbal abuse and what it does to the brain and body and tell someone you trust
He is damaging your kids and you
No amount of careful or amazing parenting can make up for how they are going to understand that love and affection = shouting and name calling and berating someone
That's the type of adults you're going to raise.
Tell him to go to the DR and seek help or medication because you're not putting up with it anymore
If he refuses then it's your move to start squirrelling money away and leave. Benefits are generous and there's no price on a peaceful home

If my DH spoke to me like this even once I would leave him.

Which is enough to make him a piece of shit and a very, very bad father. Very.

Please think more of yourself than this. He was bad when you were pregnant. He’s worse now. Your older son will be watching and learning, and eventually, you know he will speak to the children like this.

Please find some self respect and leave him. You deserve far better than this. Imagine your poor 9 year old hearing his father speak to his mother like that, he must be in turmoil 😔

I guess because I need the help. I'd struggle to be a predominantly single parent due to my mental and physical health and he does do alot of the parenting and helping out. I just hate the way he speaks to me and treats me and that our children hear it and I've mentioned it numerous times but it just gets blamed on me that if I didn't do xyz then he wouldn't have to speak that way which obviously I know is bullshit

Surely struggling would be better than this?

I really hope you seek help @Whiteoleander2 I really do.

So you need to seek out alternative support. Women’s Aid would be a good start - they support women who are being abused. Your local authority may also be able to help.

Your children are overhearing domestic abuse which means they are also on the receiving end of the abuse.

i bet your mental health would improve significantly when you don’t live with him.

This is one of those decisions where you have to do the right thing for your children- even if it’s a really hard thing.