Family drama | Mumsnet

Freddobar · 2025-12-07T22:06:50+00:00

So today was meant to be a family day out into the city for some Christmas shopping, food and enjoy the Christmas lights. Date has been marked on the calendar for a month. Yesterday teen(13) got into a huff over school work he left till the last minute and Christmas exams starting next week. So I got up early this morning as planned, woke teen and dh then went and made tea/breakfast. Teen got up with a face on him, moaning I woke him, didn't want what was made for breakfast(sausages, toast). Dh said nothing just ate his breakfast in silence. So I went got ready and walked out of the house, said nothing just left. Went off shopping by myself, had a pretty shit day so went into my parents on the way home. Stayed for a couple of hours got a takeaway with them then went home. Got home around 8.30. Had argument with dh as he told me I ruined the day out by storming out and sulking. That I should be prioritising teens schoolwork not waltzing around shops. (This attitude does not apply to football training or matches only when I want to do something) Not once today did I receive a phone call or text to see if I was alright or where I was. Teen has form for kicking off when he doesn't want to do something and I end up giving in and not going/doing things. Unless it's football related he just doesn't care about anything else. WIBU to just go on day out as planned even if I went alone? Awful atmosphere in the house now. Last time we did anything together as a family was last Christmas and that was going to nandos after a football match.

Loubelou71 · 07/12/2025 22:09

Sounds like you should have at least explained where you were going. You didn't give them much of a chance.

TinselTitts · 07/12/2025 22:09

Yes, I think YABU in the way you stormed off and made everyone feel guilty.

Why are you trying to force a teenager to do Christmas things that they no longer enjoy?

Arrange to go with a friend next year or a family member who will really look forward to it.

JudgeBread · 07/12/2025 22:12

Why did you just storm out instead of communicating like an adult? You're complaining about your kid huffing and having a face on him, and then you're behaving exactly the same, so is it any wonder he thinks that's a normal way to express frustration?

Twittwoooodoyou · 07/12/2025 22:13

I have 3 Ds and 1 teen DD and it is very difficult to get all of them to do something they don't want to do. We will have family talk and decide together what we all want to do.

I don't think you have been unreasonable to carry on with the day. I think your DH was a bit of a dick to say you need to prioritise school work. Even with real exams DC should have some down time to help manage the stress.

Maybe have a chat and decide together what your next family outing should be and make it clear that once agreed upon everyone will attend without fuss.

Untailored · 07/12/2025 22:14

Sounds like poor communication all round.

They didn’t want to do what you wanted to do. But they should’ve said so, not just sulked about it.

But you walked out without any discussion which was also petty behaviour.

You need to find something that everyone wants to do (and they should be helping with ideas for that).

TooBusyGazingAtStarss · 07/12/2025 22:19

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to go as planned. Probably wouldn’t have stayed out so long though personally.

Eenameenadeeka · 07/12/2025 22:20

Oh dear. Sounds like everyone is stressed out. I would think that the school work was more important than shopping if it needs doing and the 13 year old didn't sound like they actually wanted to go shopping. Not unreasonable to have gone alone, but surely you could have communicated - that you could see that it wasn't going to work for them so you would head out on your own? You didn't receive a call or txt, but did you send any? You could all communicate better.

Arlanymor · 07/12/2025 22:25

You just left, didn’t tell anyone, but expect them to be contacting you? I totally get your frustration but no one is really being the adult here. You’re modelling the behaviour that is ‘acceptable’ - doing this won’t make stuff better will it? I’m not blaming you but it’s a bad way of responding to the situation, surely it just makes stuff worse? Did you text them? If no then why did they have to text you. It just seems tit for tat.

Original poster

Freddobar · 07/12/2025 22:32

We all agreed to go for a Christmas family day out over a month ago. The schoolwork DS has to hand in on Thursday was given out 4 weeks ago, he told us he had finished it last weekend. So he has had plenty of time to research and do his project instead his priorities were football and gaming.
I don't want to go to football matches and freeze for 3 hours every week but I still do it. I'm sick of just doing what everyone else wants to do. Not once this year have either one of them done anything with me like going to the cinema, concert, family events or visiting parents. I'm like a single woman.

OP posts:

Landlubber2019 · 07/12/2025 22:33

I hope you had a nice day despite the challenges. Unfortunately teenagers are notoriously selfish, so expecting a 13yr old boy to enjoy a Christmas shopping day sounds like a big ask.

Unfortunately I think your expectations were ill managed however, you leaving without saying a word is awful behaviour for your child to model. I suggest you apologise, acknowledge that you were wrong and promise never to do it again. If you fail to do this, he will think it's ok and when you annoy/irritate him you do not want him to leave without communicating and to go off grid.

Rachie1973 · 07/12/2025 22:35

I think it was fine to go alone, but you should have said you were going.

Musicalmistress · 07/12/2025 22:37

F@ck that sh!t! Well done for just continuing on with your day as planned - doesn’t sound like you stormed out, just followed through on your plans when DS & DH didn’t. Good for you you!

HardworkSendHelp · 07/12/2025 22:38

It’s exam time for teens and I honestly would not be asking them to go round the shops.

ThirdStorm · 07/12/2025 22:41

That I should be prioritising teens schoolwork not waltzing around shops.

why you? He was home all day he could help with the homework although at your son’s age, he just needs to crack on and take responsibility with his parents being involved imo. I get why you did it, the point needed making as they are taking you for granted.

Twistedfirestarters · 07/12/2025 22:42

Freddobar · 07/12/2025 22:32

We all agreed to go for a Christmas family day out over a month ago. The schoolwork DS has to hand in on Thursday was given out 4 weeks ago, he told us he had finished it last weekend. So he has had plenty of time to research and do his project instead his priorities were football and gaming.
I don't want to go to football matches and freeze for 3 hours every week but I still do it. I'm sick of just doing what everyone else wants to do. Not once this year have either one of them done anything with me like going to the cinema, concert, family events or visiting parents. I'm like a single woman.

This is really shit of your husband. He needs to be leading the way here. If he can't show you any consideration then it's hardly surprising the 13 year old is following suit. He's being set a terrible example by his dad. You need to talk about it with your DH rather than sulking though

Arlanymor · 07/12/2025 22:44

Ok with the extra news… tell your husband that you’re going out as planned because you have stuff to get. And ask him to sort out the homework with your son. Not just walk out though.

ChikinLikin · 07/12/2025 22:46

If I were you I would make more of an effort with your friendships from now on. Make plans with them. Have fun with them. Maybe your DS will not want to do much with you for the next few years, but you can still have a good loving relationship with him. If you are having fun with friends and hobbies, that positivity will enhance your relationship with your DS and maybe even your DH.

TangerinePlate · 07/12/2025 22:47

School homework is only DS responsibility. If he chose to spend his time mucking around instead of doing it it’s on him and only him. Any consequences for him?

Your DH should be on the same page with you when it comes to parenting.

There are things to do together as a family but also solo, I can imagine shopping is probably not very appealing to DS.

You also don’t have to schlepp along for football matches if you don’t enjoy it.

CraftyPlayer · 07/12/2025 22:49

Your teens homework is his responsibility not yours. Your husband sounds like a bit of a knob.

Original poster

Freddobar · 07/12/2025 22:59

Landlubber2019 · 07/12/2025 22:33

I hope you had a nice day despite the challenges. Unfortunately teenagers are notoriously selfish, so expecting a 13yr old boy to enjoy a Christmas shopping day sounds like a big ask.

Unfortunately I think your expectations were ill managed however, you leaving without saying a word is awful behaviour for your child to model. I suggest you apologise, acknowledge that you were wrong and promise never to do it again. If you fail to do this, he will think it's ok and when you annoy/irritate him you do not want him to leave without communicating and to go off grid.

Are you having a laugh????
Apologise to him and promise not to do it again. Like I'm some naughty child, do you want me to go sit on the naughty step as well??? not a chance. I'm not giving him ammunition to treat me or any woman like that.

He has to learn it's up to him to buy Christmas presents for family and not expect the woman to do it for him.
I seen plenty of teens boys and girls today out shopping with their parents.
No wonder young people today thinks everyone owes them something and the whole world revolves around them.
Reality check .... It doesn't sometimes they just have to suck it up and do stuff they don't want to do.

OP posts:

RecordBreakers · 07/12/2025 22:59

TinselTitts · 07/12/2025 22:09

Yes, I think YABU in the way you stormed off and made everyone feel guilty.

Why are you trying to force a teenager to do Christmas things that they no longer enjoy?

Arrange to go with a friend next year or a family member who will really look forward to it.

This

aneelli · 07/12/2025 23:00

I completely get you, dh eating breakfast in silence would tip me over the edge and I’d do exactly what you did, it’s just rude, they both knew this day was pre planned, dh could’ve had a pleasant morning chit chat and if teen was insistent on not going then the pair of you could’ve gone. But ur dh giving silence was a way of him already showing he doesn’t want to go.
its good you went on ur own because why should they spoil a day you had already planned for. I hope I enjoyed ur meal with ur parents.

TinselTitts · 07/12/2025 23:01

Freddobar · 07/12/2025 22:32

We all agreed to go for a Christmas family day out over a month ago. The schoolwork DS has to hand in on Thursday was given out 4 weeks ago, he told us he had finished it last weekend. So he has had plenty of time to research and do his project instead his priorities were football and gaming.
I don't want to go to football matches and freeze for 3 hours every week but I still do it. I'm sick of just doing what everyone else wants to do. Not once this year have either one of them done anything with me like going to the cinema, concert, family events or visiting parents. I'm like a single woman.

Not once this year have either one of them done anything with me like going to the cinema, concert, family events or visiting parents. I'm like a single woman.

Well you should separate the two things there as your teenage son is not your husband, and nor is he responsible for entertaining you.

He's growing up, they change when they do that.

Original poster

Freddobar · 07/12/2025 23:01

I'm trying to teach him it's his responsibility to pick gifts out for loved ones at Christmas and not expect the woman of the house to do it for him.

OP posts:

RecordBreakers · 07/12/2025 23:03

JudgeBread · 07/12/2025 22:12

Why did you just storm out instead of communicating like an adult? You're complaining about your kid huffing and having a face on him, and then you're behaving exactly the same, so is it any wonder he thinks that's a normal way to express frustration?

and this.

YWBVU

Firstly to think it was ever going to be a fun thing to do, dragging a 13 yr old and your dh round the shops at any time of year, but more so in December.

Then to be so petulant and childish that you just walked out

Then, when you had had enough of shopping, to go to your parents

Then, to be getting a takeaway rather than communicating with the other members of your household about the plans for food.

So YWBU on 4 counts, but obviously going Christmas shopping on your own rather than trying to turn something like that into a 'fun family activity' YWNBU. However, you should have just planned it like that in the first place.