If she makes even one wrong move, you know where to find me. AIBU?

[hinchleye]

I attended my dp's work christmas party. He has a colleague who he's worked with for a few years and has admitted that he finds her attractive. To be fair to him, this only came up during banter/ a game with friends. She is single and very attractive. Clearly has the hots for DP.

When at the Christmas party, people got very drunk. I don't drink. DP's work colleague didn't realise I could hear what she was saying, but she told DP that "if she makes even one wrong move, you know where to find me".

I asked DP what this meant. He said that they were joking that on paper and in another universe they would have been married. AIBU to think WTF?

I'm very black and white.
I would have dropped his stuff in her garden by now.

Ew.

Let her have him.

I would be furious!

Not a sensible reaction. How does that work in real life when she likely has no more right to the place they live in than he does?

“He said that they were joking that on paper and in another universe they would have been married.”

That is not a joke I would accept my partner making with another woman. Off you pop and live in that universe, bye 👋🏻.

Dump him!

Another dud of a man...you are better off without him. He doesn't respect you - if he did, he would have shut her down immediately.

You're a stronger woman than me, I'd have gone over and asked her what she meant by that, loudly. I'm quite happy to make a scene and embarrass everyone.

Ha ha she sounds charming (not).
She’s bang out of order (and I’d be ‘calmly’ telling her.
On a side note, very few fantasy relationships, ever passed the test of time, when faced with the mundane and nitty gritty of real life.

She fancies him, he thinks she’s attractive but yet they’re still working together with no boundaries in place.

Are you serious? All the cool women will come along and tell you he’s a good one and that he takes you to the events so there’s nothing going on blah blah.

Let her have him if he’s so desperate to stay friends with someone that doesn’t respect his relationship. Makes me laugh though, they would last about 5 minutes once they realise they aren’t both the people they present themselves as at work. You know, washed, well dressed, fit and well, good mood etc etc etc. let her see his messiness, his farting, laziness and his see her when she’s not in competition with someone else (you) etc.

She felt comfortable enough to say this so there’s some element of emotional intimacy between them already. What you do about that is your decision now.

I'd be very tempted to spark her out!

What was your dps response??

Quite honestly, this would make me feel pretty shitty too, and I think that if your husband is openly joking with this woman that they should have been together, then that is extremely disrespectful that it's not been immediately shut down.
I would be taking it seriously

He’d be left on her doorstep with a bow, if it was me.

Don’t get sucked into a pick me dance op. You deserve better than that. How fucking dare he?

It’s not so much the woman’s silly drunken comment as your DP’s response that would get me: “in another universe we would be married”. Horrible - it sounds as if he’s saying ‘you weren’t in the way I’d be married to that woman’.

First post nails it.

Do you understand hyperbole?

If they both fancy each other and she has felt comfortable enough to say that to him I’d be really worried. Your DH has also felt comfortable enough to let you know he fancies her too - this has trouble written all over it, I’m sorry to say.

Christ, he's an arsehole! What a shit attitude.
I've got the ick from here.
If you're financially entwined, get your ducks in a row. If not, tell him to do one. 💐

Yeah, me too. My life is way too precious to waste months maybe even years losing my relationship bit by bit.
OP, he has the hots for her and she's actively encouraging him. It's really only a matter of time now. Because men are perfectly capable of being very clear to other women that they are not interested and that the woman has no chance with them. When they don't bother to do that, they are keeping their options open.

Your next actions depend on what your circumstances are. It isn't unusual for someone with a close relationship to develop attraction most married couples I know have had to deal with a situation like this. My friend developed the most intense crush on her builder.

Personally, I would be letting him know that his behaviour has crossed the line and that if there is any chance that he would be involved with her further the door would be closed and firmly locked shut. I would also let him know that his behavoiur in public is embarassing to you and he should apologise.

What he does after that is up to him.

Oh and as always get your ducks in a row.

Of course. Pretty pointless as a response here though

Imo the one who fucks up a relationship should be the one to move out surely?

It’s an affair waiting to happen. He’s telling you that he would love to fuck her if only you weren’t in the way.

I would too, and not in bags 🤣

and back in the real world that has no legal basis