If she makes even one wrong move, you know where to find me. AIBU?

[hinchleye]

I attended my dp's work christmas party. He has a colleague who he's worked with for a few years and has admitted that he finds her attractive. To be fair to him, this only came up during banter/ a game with friends. She is single and very attractive. Clearly has the hots for DP.

When at the Christmas party, people got very drunk. I don't drink. DP's work colleague didn't realise I could hear what she was saying, but she told DP that "if she makes even one wrong move, you know where to find me".

I asked DP what this meant. He said that they were joking that on paper and in another universe they would have been married. AIBU to think WTF?

Tell him you wish to agree future division of assets now. It's called a post nup.
And tell him that if you ever have any reasonvto suspect him in future he's out on his ear.

Let her have him OP, it’s coming.

I would have called her out right there ! I'm sorry, but you are being disrespected and made to look a fool , because I can almost guarantee others will have noticed , and if you heard others likely did too .

You sound like Dwight Shrute

At any point in our lives, we can meet someone we might be with in another life. It could be that he's met someone in this category but he would still choose you.

The point now is what happens next. He has crossed a line having this conversation with her because it's set a connection between them, and it's disrespectful to you. But they were drunk, he told you about it, perhaps that can be put down to him being over excited and it's a mistake.

I would ask him what he thinks he should do about the situation next, now that they've both admitted they're attracted to each other. The correct answer is for him to hold her at arm's length, be polite and professional but avoid any social or unnecessary chat, absolutely nothing out of office hours or online. Potentially even set boundaries directly with her if she's likely to push it. If he answers "oh nothing, we're friends, it's just banter etc" and dismisses it, that's where there's a potential problem. That connection they have now could only strengthen more, each extra step becomes normalised and then it's a small step over the last boundary into an affair. That could be an emotional affair, not just physical.

You know him best OP, I think there's a chink of light you could be ok but his next move will say it all.

How so? It’s a ridiculous suggestion to chuck him and his belongings out.

He sounds worse that her as he is in a relationship- tosser

I threw my exh out via text for being a lying twat. Both names on the tenancy.. He knew his place. Back to his dm's where he was previously..

Sorry OP but you are wasting your time now. You have to dump him.

I would bite that as them both taking the piss out of me, my DH would’ve been in very serious trouble’

*I would view this

You'd think so.

Why are people who are supposedly committed to one another, speaking with others in this way?

He & she can disappear off to that place they'd both like to be.

The problem is his reaction. He should have closed her down, not told you he would have been married to her if circumstances were different! Honestly vile. You deserve better.

So he's your DP - but would go as far as marrying her? But doesn't want to marry you? Hasn't proposed? Into the bin with him.

Depends on what he said back to her I think.

If he let it go, I wouldn't be, but I wouldn't have let it slide as soon as the words left her mouth I don't think.

How thoughtful of him to explain their private joke. So nice for you to be included in the prelude to their affair. His blood has drained so far from his brain he actually thinks it was ok to tell you that. Fuck wit.

He's testing your reaction. Go ballistic now!

"if she makes even one wrong move, you know where to find me".
I asked DP what this meant. He said that they were joking that on paper and in another universe they would have been married. AIBU to think WTF?

Umm… I’d struggle to come back from that. I know this because my ex had similar “banter” type conversations with women he clearly fancied (or vice versa) and it ate away at my self esteem over the years. As did his actual cheating.

Your husband is either grossly insensitive and stupid or is cheating at the very least emotionally with this frankly desperate sounding woman. Not sure the former is better than the latter tbh.

Pack him off with a rocket up his arse rather than on it to the other universe!

100% agree with this..... you're not married, he sounds like an absolute cock womble, and she sounds just like a cunt......

However, I'm probably older than you, perimenopausal, and have absolutely no fucks to give to arseholes.

If I was you, I'd be starting 2026 single x

Get your ducks in order. See a lawyer to know your rights if you're married.

Your husband/partner is not committed to you.

Get an exit plan ready to go because he's got his eye on his coworker.

Well, she really fancies herself doesn’t she? What a dreadful thing to say in the presence of someone’s partner, in drink or sober…..this is so unacceptable! You have more patience than me as I would have been down her throat in a flash!
Make sure DH knows exactly how you feel and if he wants her then he fucks off right now and doesn’t come back!

Everyone is so disrespectful. Between the lack of boundaries and the verbal diarrhoea, they're both just icky.

She's either extremely brazen, or hos boundaries are such that she felt comfortable saying this shit in front of you.
Either way, this probably could've been avoided if he'd shut down the earlier conversations.

He’s fantasising about another universe in which they can be together. Give it to him.

Love yourself enough to get him gone.