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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If she makes even one wrong move, you know where to find me. AIBU?

117 replies

hinchleye · 07/12/2025 19:06

I attended my dp's work christmas party. He has a colleague who he's worked with for a few years and has admitted that he finds her attractive. To be fair to him, this only came up during banter/ a game with friends. She is single and very attractive. Clearly has the hots for DP.

When at the Christmas party, people got very drunk. I don't drink. DP's work colleague didn't realise I could hear what she was saying, but she told DP that "if she makes even one wrong move, you know where to find me".

I asked DP what this meant. He said that they were joking that on paper and in another universe they would have been married. AIBU to think WTF?

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 08/12/2025 16:59

WasthatwrongIfeelmeannow · 07/12/2025 21:44

How so? It’s a ridiculous suggestion to chuck him and his belongings out.

Do you take everything literally, or just this?

bizkittt · 08/12/2025 17:02

He wants to dip his wick in the company ink

Hippobot · 08/12/2025 17:03

I'm aghast! Fuck the pair of them. I would divorce him on the spot.

Hippobot · 08/12/2025 17:07

AdjustingVideoFrameRate · 07/12/2025 19:29

It’s not so much the woman’s silly drunken comment as your DP’s response that would get me: “in another universe we would be married”. Horrible - it sounds as if he’s saying ‘you weren’t in the way I’d be married to that woman’.

Exactly! He's saying, I'd rather be married to her but unfortunately I met you 1st so I'm saddled with you but longing to be with her and I don't even respect you enough to hide it.

TheatricalLife · 08/12/2025 17:11

🤮
Grim. I'd let her have him if they are that desperate to be together. I'm sure he's not quite as perfect as she imagines him to be when the shine is off the excitement of a potential affair. Bet he's getting a right kick out of being wanted by two women. Don't be one of those two women.

TheatricalLife · 08/12/2025 17:12

🤮
Grim. I'd let her have him if they are that desperate to be together. I'm sure he's not quite as perfect as she imagines him to be when the shine is off the excitement of a potential affair. Bet he's getting a right kick out of being wanted by two women. Don't be one of those two women.

krustykittens · 08/12/2025 17:12

Hippobot · 08/12/2025 17:07

Exactly! He's saying, I'd rather be married to her but unfortunately I met you 1st so I'm saddled with you but longing to be with her and I don't even respect you enough to hide it.

Yep. All of this. Fuck me, OP, you are a better woman than me. I am going nuclear here on your behalf, there is no way I would have contained myself at the work do when the two of them were coming out with this shit. Get him gone.

ginasevern · 08/12/2025 17:19

One way ticket to the other universe for him then.

FOJN · 08/12/2025 17:19

Drunk or not no one says things like that to a colleague unless they have received some encouragement and he's as good as admitted he gave her that encouragement. He doesn't respect you or your relationship so if he doesn't cheat with her he will with someone else. Let him go to his other "universe" and save yourself the worry about what he's doing at work.

Findingithardnow · 08/12/2025 18:13

DP should have said back that she's not to worry too much, you won't be making any wrong moves and put her in her place.

Dancingintherain09 · 08/12/2025 18:21

That crosses so many boundariea. Its not just a joke its fully disrespectful and hes allowing her to disrespect you as his wife. Therefore he is disrespecting you too.
If that were my husband my respnse would be, " well shows how much respect you have for me, to allow some desperate women to disrespect me and our marriage." Just because she's lonely and obviusly desperate wnough to chase someone elses husband for some cheap attention.

The1990club · 08/12/2025 18:22

Although to some it appears harmless drunken banter but I am really open minded and not the jealous type but this kind of thing really really crosses the line. I couldn't get past this. I think I would have turned around and said, dont let me stop you. Honestly everybody deserves better than this! Let him have her and you go live your best life with your self respect!

AmberRose86 · 08/12/2025 18:23

What the fuck is this shit? What are you actually still doing there?!

AmberRose86 · 08/12/2025 18:24

Hippobot · 08/12/2025 17:07

Exactly! He's saying, I'd rather be married to her but unfortunately I met you 1st so I'm saddled with you but longing to be with her and I don't even respect you enough to hide it.

This this this. Thank god someone said it.

staceyflack · 08/12/2025 18:30

Wow, what a complete arsehole, and utter bitch. I imagine he'll be nonchalant and attempt to gaslight you into thinking you're unreasonable - jealous / possessive. Don't buy it! This is 💯 them being fkg awful people. Kick him to the kerb and find someone who respects you and deserves you. These two horrors deserve eachother 🤮

Gertle · 08/12/2025 19:16

They both openly fancy each other and have made it clear they'd do something about it if he weren't with you

Imagine they're alone on a night out, drunk, and she leans in to kiss him. What do you genuinely think would happen? The likelihood is he would cheat, right? But EVEN if not, I am pretty sure it would go down something like this:

He says no but there's a whole lot of sexual tension and lip biting and "oh we can't... it'd be really bad... I really wish we could". They talk about the things they'd do to each other if it wasn't so wrong. They spend the night making "fuck me" eyes at each other, and go home and think about each other while they masturbate.

On Monday morning, they do this whole faux-awkward giddy apology to each other, confirming that although it would indeed be the best sex ever, they mustn't ever let it happen, and they were right not to give into temptation. They both applaud themselves for such self-control and he genuinely believes he deserves a medal and you're very lucky to have him.

This happens every single time they go on a night out. They find more and more reasons to be alone, drunk together, while things keep "nearly" happening. At work, she makes tantalising comments to him on purpose that she insists are innocent and blames his dirty mind. They're flirting constantly to the point all of their colleagues are aware of it.

They get closer and any time he has an argument with you, he thinks about the idealised fantasy with her, because they only know the good parts of each other. It's likely he'll start confiding in her.

By the time they do actually cross a physical line, they're both completely convinced that they really tried their best to stop it, but they fell in love and never meant it to happen and never meant you to get hurt.

I've seen it play out so many times.

It's a no from me.

I think "it's normal to find people attractive" gets stretched a bit too far. Normal is walking down the street and having a fleeting thought that someone is attractive. Normal is thinking that a colleague at work is good-looking, even though you hardly know them and never think of them other than when you need to ask them why their spreadsheet makes no sense.

I really think these situations, where two people have a close, intimate friendship and clearly fancy each other is not normal or acceptable. If you fancy someone to the point you think about them when they're not around, you feel giddy around them, want to find a reason to talk about them all the time, like a teenager? It's not okay in a relationship and needs shutting down right away.

I would genuinely expect someone to move jobs/move teams and block this person if they'd gotten themselves in this far. If not possible, I'd expect some iron boundaries and absolutely zero interaction outside of professional requirements.

ZeldaFighter · 08/12/2025 19:30

We're always laughing about how Jim would be better off married to Sue as they're both neat freaks, etc etc

I wouldn't be too bothered

ZeldaFighter · 08/12/2025 19:32

Gertle · 08/12/2025 19:16

They both openly fancy each other and have made it clear they'd do something about it if he weren't with you

Imagine they're alone on a night out, drunk, and she leans in to kiss him. What do you genuinely think would happen? The likelihood is he would cheat, right? But EVEN if not, I am pretty sure it would go down something like this:

He says no but there's a whole lot of sexual tension and lip biting and "oh we can't... it'd be really bad... I really wish we could". They talk about the things they'd do to each other if it wasn't so wrong. They spend the night making "fuck me" eyes at each other, and go home and think about each other while they masturbate.

On Monday morning, they do this whole faux-awkward giddy apology to each other, confirming that although it would indeed be the best sex ever, they mustn't ever let it happen, and they were right not to give into temptation. They both applaud themselves for such self-control and he genuinely believes he deserves a medal and you're very lucky to have him.

This happens every single time they go on a night out. They find more and more reasons to be alone, drunk together, while things keep "nearly" happening. At work, she makes tantalising comments to him on purpose that she insists are innocent and blames his dirty mind. They're flirting constantly to the point all of their colleagues are aware of it.

They get closer and any time he has an argument with you, he thinks about the idealised fantasy with her, because they only know the good parts of each other. It's likely he'll start confiding in her.

By the time they do actually cross a physical line, they're both completely convinced that they really tried their best to stop it, but they fell in love and never meant it to happen and never meant you to get hurt.

I've seen it play out so many times.

It's a no from me.

I think "it's normal to find people attractive" gets stretched a bit too far. Normal is walking down the street and having a fleeting thought that someone is attractive. Normal is thinking that a colleague at work is good-looking, even though you hardly know them and never think of them other than when you need to ask them why their spreadsheet makes no sense.

I really think these situations, where two people have a close, intimate friendship and clearly fancy each other is not normal or acceptable. If you fancy someone to the point you think about them when they're not around, you feel giddy around them, want to find a reason to talk about them all the time, like a teenager? It's not okay in a relationship and needs shutting down right away.

I would genuinely expect someone to move jobs/move teams and block this person if they'd gotten themselves in this far. If not possible, I'd expect some iron boundaries and absolutely zero interaction outside of professional requirements.

That's genuinely convincing. I posted then read this. Now I've changed my mind.

What she said.

Evaka · 08/12/2025 19:33

They're weeks from an affair if not already there. Dump his sad, sorry arse.

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 08/12/2025 19:41

She said that right in front of you! What a bitch!

HipHopDontYouStop · 08/12/2025 19:44

Gertle · 08/12/2025 19:16

They both openly fancy each other and have made it clear they'd do something about it if he weren't with you

Imagine they're alone on a night out, drunk, and she leans in to kiss him. What do you genuinely think would happen? The likelihood is he would cheat, right? But EVEN if not, I am pretty sure it would go down something like this:

He says no but there's a whole lot of sexual tension and lip biting and "oh we can't... it'd be really bad... I really wish we could". They talk about the things they'd do to each other if it wasn't so wrong. They spend the night making "fuck me" eyes at each other, and go home and think about each other while they masturbate.

On Monday morning, they do this whole faux-awkward giddy apology to each other, confirming that although it would indeed be the best sex ever, they mustn't ever let it happen, and they were right not to give into temptation. They both applaud themselves for such self-control and he genuinely believes he deserves a medal and you're very lucky to have him.

This happens every single time they go on a night out. They find more and more reasons to be alone, drunk together, while things keep "nearly" happening. At work, she makes tantalising comments to him on purpose that she insists are innocent and blames his dirty mind. They're flirting constantly to the point all of their colleagues are aware of it.

They get closer and any time he has an argument with you, he thinks about the idealised fantasy with her, because they only know the good parts of each other. It's likely he'll start confiding in her.

By the time they do actually cross a physical line, they're both completely convinced that they really tried their best to stop it, but they fell in love and never meant it to happen and never meant you to get hurt.

I've seen it play out so many times.

It's a no from me.

I think "it's normal to find people attractive" gets stretched a bit too far. Normal is walking down the street and having a fleeting thought that someone is attractive. Normal is thinking that a colleague at work is good-looking, even though you hardly know them and never think of them other than when you need to ask them why their spreadsheet makes no sense.

I really think these situations, where two people have a close, intimate friendship and clearly fancy each other is not normal or acceptable. If you fancy someone to the point you think about them when they're not around, you feel giddy around them, want to find a reason to talk about them all the time, like a teenager? It's not okay in a relationship and needs shutting down right away.

I would genuinely expect someone to move jobs/move teams and block this person if they'd gotten themselves in this far. If not possible, I'd expect some iron boundaries and absolutely zero interaction outside of professional requirements.

This.

What they are doing is really creepy. They have discussed wanting to be together.

This is so disrespectful to you.

One wrong move? What a stupid cow.

Theslummymummy · 08/12/2025 19:51

So he's lining up your replacement? Let him

NewAgeNewMe · 08/12/2025 19:53

Do you have dcs? If so I hope you are married. He’s already moved on to her. Don’t do pick me. What a toerag.

NormasArse · 08/12/2025 19:54

You were close enough to hear? She must’ve been really drunk.

Ugh.

k8jr · 08/12/2025 20:03

You're definitely not wrong thinking Wtf! I thought that reading your post!

If someone had said that to my partner I'd have expected him to tell her it's inappropriate and to act accordingly - removing himself from her company and keeping his distance.
I'd also have a word with her saying she's had her one wrong move and she better back the f up....and I am not a confrontational person!

Did you hear how the conversation even got to that point?

I'd be further pissed if my partner then gaslit me into thinking this was just bants, and didn't take my feelings seriously.
Sorry to say but major 🚩🚩🚩