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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

704 replies

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:26

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

OP posts:
Velveletteslonleylonelygirlami · 06/12/2025 20:25

Nanny0gg · 06/12/2025 20:24

Then I'd have a problem.

Show quote history

Most definitely ..that has the potential to be years of debt.

LBFseBrom · 06/12/2025 20:26

Motheranddaughter · 06/12/2025 18:29

I would be fine with this if you can afford it
Its a major event

i agree and the two year old's birthday can be celebrated with dad before or after the trip.

To the op: It's not something I could imagine, husband and I never had that sort of money to spare but if we had, we'd have spent it on whatever we liked, why not? It's not selfish to treat yourself if you can afford it as long as you are discreetly helpful to others too,

If your son was eighteen it would be different - but then he might want to go too, that would be a very nice celebration for a football fan :-).

Why don't you go? You could take a nanny to mind your little one during the games. Just a thought.

C152 · 06/12/2025 20:26

It's not the spending £7k that would bother me; it's the getting in debt that would be the problem for me. If it's really going to take him a year to pay that off, then that obviously impacts on the money needed to family things, like home repairs etc.

Haaaaaaan · 06/12/2025 20:27

Yeah having now read updates I'd be furious and be pointing out the huge impact on your and your daughter's life.

Nanny0gg · 06/12/2025 20:28

LBFseBrom · 06/12/2025 20:26

i agree and the two year old's birthday can be celebrated with dad before or after the trip.

To the op: It's not something I could imagine, husband and I never had that sort of money to spare but if we had, we'd have spent it on whatever we liked, why not? It's not selfish to treat yourself if you can afford it as long as you are discreetly helpful to others too,

If your son was eighteen it would be different - but then he might want to go too, that would be a very nice celebration for a football fan :-).

Why don't you go? You could take a nanny to mind your little one during the games. Just a thought.

Show quote history

It's not spare and I doubt they can afford a short-term nanny

RafaFan · 06/12/2025 20:28

ChristmasHug · 06/12/2025 18:29

Yes I would, as a once in a lifetime thing with friends or family. So that answers your question.

But not missing dds birthday. Not at that age. I'd be livid.

The birthday thing doesn't have to be huge though. It's not as if a two-year-old will even really be aware that it's their birthday, or that dad wasn't there, and they can always do something together before or after the trip. If he's a generally a good husband and father, then I don't see the issue with it.

Swissmeringue · 06/12/2025 20:30

I'd be fine with DH doing this as a one off, but only provided we had the money available in savings. If he was going to get into debt and we would have to miss out on family holidays it would be a hell no. Also, I wouldn't be ok with him just telling me he's doing it, rather than approaching it as a discussion of "I'd love to do this, what do you reckon?" And potentially exploring options for me and DC to go with him if that worked for us all.

In your circumstances I'd be livid.

Ladyymuck · 06/12/2025 20:30

If you can afford it and it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity I honestly wouldn’t mind. My DH has missed many birthdays, special occasions, Christmas days, etc, throughout the years due to work and can be away for months at a time so maybe that’s what gives me a different outlook.

Tiswa · 06/12/2025 20:32

Oldntired · 06/12/2025 20:25

Yes I feel your pain op. Scotland are playing in Boston and Miami
DP has not stopped talking about it - in our house and with his family and friends.
but I’ve been clear - if he’s going me and DD3 are coming too. We will amuse ourselves quite happily while he is at the games (if he gets tickets)

They are NOT playing in Boston, they are playing an hour train journey away at the Patriots/Revolution stadium in Foxborough.

Any trip needs to take that into account the trains and train times or hiring a car.

Same Miami it’s Fort Lauderdale so again 45/1hr outside of Miami although that one is easier to stay at

DS loves the Patriots and Inter Miami so I have checked out the stadiums!

Pasly · 06/12/2025 20:32

I would be fine with this I would hate if my partner made things like this difficult for me to do or made me feel guilty for going. There will be tens of thousands travelling to watch their Teams in the world cup it is a once in a lifetime experience.

Your daughter is 2 celebrate her birthday when he's there she ain't going to know is she 🙄

Vaxtable · 06/12/2025 20:32

Unless he has the money saved now I would be furious that he is prepared to put himself in debt and not contribute to things needed for the house/familyholidays

if he insists on going then whatever is needed for the house will have to wait, but I would still goon holiday with DD and he can stay at home and decorate!

Hohumdedum · 06/12/2025 20:33

I wouldn't be happy with him putting it on credit card and not discussing it beforehand.

If he'd saved the money, it didn't affect affording family holidays and he'd discussed it beforehand then I'd be OK with it. Both my DH and I go on separate holidays. I also have taken DC on holiday without DH as a preschooler and had great time.

DH and I also have separate finances so I'm not averse to separate finances or separate holidays, but we still work as a team. And are both averse to debt. Certainly wouldn't spend £7k without discussion and agreement. I feel the World Cup is a symbol that you are not a team.

godmum56 · 06/12/2025 20:33

Zero2ten · 06/12/2025 20:08

I see where he’s coming from. It’d be a great trip and possibly not quite once in a lifetime but certainly no guarantee they’ll qualify for 2030 which would be much more manageable cost wise.
I’d suggest he properly researched flight costs, there will be various ways of doing it which might make it cheaper. Get him researching basic air bnb’s, he’s hardly going to be in the accommodation.

Think I’d be going on my own holiday while he’s away though, go with a friend or your mum maybe?

who will have the kids?

Tiswa · 06/12/2025 20:34

That said surely a beach trip to Lauderdale would fit in much better there are some AMAZING villas around the area that everyone could stay in

Zanatdy · 06/12/2025 20:34

I wouldn’t be impressed. Missing his child’s bday for me is totally out of order. Even my football obsessed ex wouldn’t have gone over one of the DC’s bday’s. He did go to the Caribbean though when DD was 9 months for a sport he played casually so pretty selfish leaving me for a week with 2 kids but my mum came down.

Vaxtable · 06/12/2025 20:34

Pasly · 06/12/2025 20:32

I would be fine with this I would hate if my partner made things like this difficult for me to do or made me feel guilty for going. There will be tens of thousands travelling to watch their Teams in the world cup it is a once in a lifetime experience.

Your daughter is 2 celebrate her birthday when he's there she ain't going to know is she 🙄

So you would happy that your partner gets into serious debt as he doesn’t have the money saved, will not be able to contribute to things needed for the house, so either you pay or it doesn’t get done, or go on family holidays, unless you pay for all

Really?

godmum56 · 06/12/2025 20:34

Pasly · 06/12/2025 20:32

I would be fine with this I would hate if my partner made things like this difficult for me to do or made me feel guilty for going. There will be tens of thousands travelling to watch their Teams in the world cup it is a once in a lifetime experience.

Your daughter is 2 celebrate her birthday when he's there she ain't going to know is she 🙄

would you do it if it took money from family finances and had to be put on a credit card?

Frugalgal · 06/12/2025 20:35

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:26

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

Seeing your updates he absolutely cannot afford that and the whole family will make sacrifices as a result.

Absolutely no way would I accept that in those circs. 2k spending money seems ridiculous as well.

The selfish pig.

Hohumdedum · 06/12/2025 20:36

Pasly · 06/12/2025 20:32

I would be fine with this I would hate if my partner made things like this difficult for me to do or made me feel guilty for going. There will be tens of thousands travelling to watch their Teams in the world cup it is a once in a lifetime experience.

Your daughter is 2 celebrate her birthday when he's there she ain't going to know is she 🙄

It's not once in a lifetime though is it. It happens quite regularly. He could go a) when it's closer and therefore cheaper, b) when he's actually saved up for it.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 06/12/2025 20:36

When is he having dd for 10 days for your trip away?

Midnights68 · 06/12/2025 20:36

Yes, I’d have a huge problem with a partner incurring debt of nearly 20% of their annual gross salary for a solo holiday.

And missing their child’s birthday to do it would be the icing on the cake.

Citylady88 · 06/12/2025 20:37

If he's a big fan & this is genuinely something he's wanted to do always, then now might be the only chance, so I say he should go. He won't be thinking about carpets on his death bed but he might be remembering the World Cup. DD won't remember her 2nd birthday or be aware he's absent. In terms of finances - some things go on hold like carpets, holidays you take DD yourself with another family member or friend, and he also now gives up any subscriptions, nights out etc. So he can recoup the loss asap. Life is dull & sometimes we need a moment of madness for these rare things. That said look at the budget with him - he can definitely do it cheaper.

Errahstop · 06/12/2025 20:38

Nevernonono · 06/12/2025 18:35

Best age to do it, she won’t have a clue!

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If I could afford to go to the World Cup, I would go. My whole family will enter the lottery for tickets (Irish so we haven'tt even qualified..YET!) and if anyone gets some we'll decide who is best placed to go. Many's a year I have used a credit card to go on hoiday so would have no qualms about that. We are football lovers though. It would be the trip of a lifetime. A 2year olds bday is way more important to the people around them than the child themselves. If it's not a financial issue, let him go. BUT, if you are not going or have no interest, you should say that you are going to do a big trip the following yea..without him or the kids and start planning now.

BunnyLake · 06/12/2025 20:38

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:34

Whilst we don’t have joint finances we have joint savings goals. For example, new carpets, get the garden done which now we won’t be able to afford to do because he’s getting himself in to debt and will spent the next however long paying it off. We also won’t be able to afford a family holiday for the next couple of years because I’m not prepared to pay for all of us. He doesn’t have £7k or anywhere close in savings so it will be going on a credit card

I wouldn't be happy about that. Running up a credit card debt like that would infuriate me far more than if he was using his available ‘spending money’, that was his to do as he wished.

RickertyRocker · 06/12/2025 20:41

Yanbu

Totally selfish of your DH to treat himself to. £7,000 holiday. He knows you cannot do that and your home projects and holidays. What is his plan for paying for this and his other commitments?;

You need to make a new financial plan.