Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

[Rigaboni]

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

If you have separate finances, with each contributing to joint expenses but are free to do whatever they wish with their own savings- which is surely the only logical reason to have separate finances- then the money is not your concern if he has the savings and it is not going to negatively impact on your household finances. Unless you would be happy for him to tell you what you could and could not spend your own personal savings on, I don’t think you could argue what he cannot spend money on a trip.

Therefore, your issue must be him going away for 10 days leaving you to look after your child- not necessarily something I would be against, but he has to agree this with you, not simply tell you he is going. At 2 years old, I doubt she’ll remember her birthday, let alone who was there, but I can see why it might be upsetting to you that he is not there. That said, it would not be totally unreasonable of him to go, I don’t.

Is your dh in a group chat with mine? Mine voiced going to boston too! However, all our finances are joint so that was rapidly shut down. We truly could not afford it. Even if we had separate finances id be annoyed if it came at the expense of the home/family. Your dh is being selfish especially if hes needing credit cards to do it

As long as he would be happy if you declared you were going away for a 10 day holiday without a proper discussion then I don’t see a problem. His money and sounds like a worthwhile trip. Unfortunately it lands on a special date but can’t be helped.

Life is short and opportunities don't arise often. I think he should go. Supporting your country is important. My dh (irish) went all the way to Japan for 2002 world cup when we were supposed to be saving for a house deposit. It pushed us back a couple of months but he still talks about it and it was one of the best experiences of his life.

I gave DH my full blessing on qualification to go if he wanted to but said I would only accompany if game was in Canada - I will not spend a rusty cent or set foot in US for a long time if ever again. However, looking at the costs and time involved DH is leaning toward not going - there are likely to be fan zones in Scotland as there were during the Euros that would be good fun experience. He went to the Euros last year and will again, including WC in 4 years as its Europe based. So I think, on balance, he probably won't next year. £7K is a crazy amount of money for a solo trip.

But is IS a financial issue. The trip will have to go on a credit card resulting in a drop in contributions to the joint pot savings.

As long as he has the money available after paying his portion of the bills, I’d say it’s fine. To go into debt for it! No.
But you need to book 10 nights away too, not necessarily all in one go, but you need your share.

Ok, sorry hadn’t read your update. He can’t afford it, end of discussion.

even if its all on a credit card and takes money out of the family's needs?

No I'd trust my dh to manage his finances if he's that much of a disaster the OP has far bigger problems to deal with. I took a once in a lifetime trip with friends a couple of years ago. My friends dh had passed the year before and it was a trip they were meant to do together so her close friends booked to do it with her. I did not have the money and wasn't going to go my dh said go it's once in a lifetime put it on the credit card we'll figure this out. And we did, the world didn't end I paid a bit off each month and I did without things not the family. That's the kind of relationship I want to be in.

but its NOT his money. He will be using a credit card to cover it and putting less into the joint savings pot as a consequence.

I agree. "I am doing this on credit regardless of what you think and it will result in my putting less in the family pot" is just a selfish arse.

I retracted after seeing the update

If HE can afford it okay, if he is going off your money not okay, if he will be broke and begging off you then not okay

Finance issue aside (he clearly cannot afford it) I'd be furious if my DP unilaterally decided he was going on an expensive trip. The fact it's at the expense of home improvements and a family holiday makes it even more selfish.

The fact he hasn't sat down and discussed it with you is beyind shit.

If he's saying he'll pay cc off in a year and if that down to the nearest pound to make it work .all it takes is something major in the house,car etc to go bang.
That plan is thrown right off course ..minimum payments beckon in debt for a while.

Thing is, in forty years time will he regret it? Probably not. A World Cup in the States will be epic, I’m not a football fan but it will be amazing.

the debt he’s getting in will mean the OP will be looking back and thinking that was the point where my life got harder

Yes, the debt could take years to pay off. And what if he loses his job, a not unrealistic scenario in this gloomy period we’re in?

OP, if you’re still reading this, do not marry this jerk.

or "that was the point where I dumped his sorry selfish arse"

Not sure about that the club world cup that was hosted there didn't go to well.

YANBU for the following reasons:

1. There was no discussion, he just decided and told you.
2. He doesn't actually have the money to pay for it.
3. He has to get into debt to go.
4. The debt and his lack of savings will set you back as a family.

His poor whimsical choices have consequences for you all as a family, and that is why he's out of order. It would be different if you were well off or had good savings, as then the only sticking point would be your child's birthday, although, as she's young enough to not remember, I'd probably be ok with it.

What's your housing situation like? Do you own or rent? Whose name is the house in? Are your financial views not aligned?

No I would not be happy for him to go into debt for this. If he cannot afford to repay I hope he isn’t expecting you to pay it off. As you say if he spends all his money on that trip and leaves nothing for a family holiday or new carpets then you all suffer. There is another World Cup in 4 years. Maybe he could save for that.

If he has the money and it isn't stopping a family thing (holiday, necessary home improvements etc) then I don't see the issue. And if he wouldn't mind you going away by yourself.

DH goes to a different F1 race every year, costs £3-5k but he has the money, and I get to go away with friends when I want to.

Now you've given more info YANBU.