Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

[Rigaboni]

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

If he's going to do it, he needs to find a way to spend less than £7k on it. Flights probably are what they are. But there should be some savings to make on accommodation - would an Airbnb style option be better so he can cook? What's he planning on spending £2k on? Is he going with friends who can share some of the costs?

I can see the life-is-too-short argument but this is something he can't really afford, so he needs to do it in a cost effective way.

If this is the case then absolutely not and I'd be really seriously concerned that he was seriously considering it in the first instance. And that he'd be that selfish to take holidays and getting the family home sorted off the table while essentially use you as a cash cow in the process. Let alone putting himself into debt over this- what if you then had an emergency situation and couldn't borrow because of this debt.

The fact he isn't coming to you and saying I'd like to do this, what do you think and is there a way we can make this work is the most concerning bit about the whole thing. I don't think when you're living together and have kids together that you can make decisions about huge sums of money unilaterally - I think that should always be discussed and agreed in partnership. He needs to grow up or your relationship unfortunately may not have legs op.

I would be fine with this as long it was his own money and didn't have a huge financial impact on day to day life. It's a once in a lifetime type trip.

So your saving goals are diametrically opposed. He feels entitled to burn 20% of his wages then leech off you for years afterwards.
Decline funding his life. Is he an otherwise excellent boyfriend and parent?

YANBU. Presumably you have to look after your child on your own while he is away. It needs to be a discussion. Ask him when he is stepping up so you can go away with your friends.

A bit more context is needed here. Understand finances are seperate but will this still cripple him? Mean you have to pay for more things for the next few months? How would he feel if you went on a similar priced trip for 10 days? Presumably he'd be fine with it. Missing the birthday is another matter though - I'd be unhappy based on that one

Yeah life’s too short

and so is OP’s

My God some of the marriages you read about on here are like life sentences. So oppressive and clearly not much love between spouses.

Is he a member of the tartan army?
to me this makes a huge difference. First time in 28 years Scotland qualify so in that case yabu. If it’s England then meh. They’re always there there will be another time.

I’m sssuming he’s Scottish if he’s going to Boston? Seeing as they only qualify every 28 years, I’d let him go.

If you are a Scotland fan, it IS potentially once in a lifetime 😂🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿.

I wouldn’t be opposed to DH doing this if he was a die hard football fan but I’d probably ask him to limit to 5 nights and one game to reduce the cost a bit.

OP considering your update reframe it in your mind that hes not declared he's going to the world cup, he's declared he's a selfish pig who would rather have a solo holiday and do the family out of family holidays for the next 2 years!!! I would be absolutley fucking livid! If he had £7k savings to burn then that would be slightly more tolerable, but he doesn't, he's putting the family in debt (because it is family debt if you can't do stuff until its paid back) and your daughter doesn't get holidays for the 2 years when you actually don't have to worry about the bloody school holiday premium!

Also I can't believe he'd miss her 2nd birthday without so much as a discussion. Of course she'll miss him and she's the age you could do with a bit of extra help! Tell him he can go to the next world cup after he saves up! Bastard face!

I'd be more disappointed that he was happy to leave his family and miss his child's 2nd birthday for a couple of games of football.
My dh is a huge football fan but it wouldn't cross his mind to go away for 10 nights on his own, he wouldn't want to.

Did his wish to go to the World Cup come out of the blue?

I live in Scotland and if someone's husband or wife was a member of the Tartan Army,I doubt it would come as a surprise to their partner.

I would only be okay with it if I were likely to experience a similar opportunity- which is how my relationship works atm but on a much smaller scale!

I hadn't seen that he'd be going into debt.
Clearly the man is a selfish idiot, and their finances aren't as separate as the first post implied, but I would still be upset about him choosing to miss his daughter's second birthday.

No, I didn’t. That obviously changes things. Thanks for pointing out.

I would be very annoyed about missing the 2 year olds birthday party, 2 is really in the trenches of parenting he should be there for you if not his child.

If it means you as a family miss out (ie fewer/cheaper family holidays, less spending money) then no I wouldn't be happy. If it means no financial impact, then I'd be ok with it. I would be ensuring I myself had a trip for just me or with friends within a year of that also. It has to cut both ways - you need to be able to enjoy time away also. Making it something you both can do reduces resentment.

Anything more than a casual interest in sport, either watching or partaking, has always been a dealbreaker for me as far as men are concerned - essentially I class 'more than a passing interest' as anything that would cause other plans to have to be rearranged, so, no I wouldn't tolerate this, but I wouldn't have married anyone who'd ever want to do it.

Seeing your update I would be absolutely raging. He is unbelievably selfish and happy to impact upon the rest of your household to suit his needs and priorities which he has clearly shown do not lie with his family or partner. And we’re not talking a few hundred maybe even a grand, we are talking 7k ffs.

So what if Scotland rarely qualify - he’s got 28 years to save up for the next one so should be doable

Surely he went to Germany for the euros last year like pretty much every other scotland fan.
I feel your pain, my DH is going too, no idea how much it will cost but he's followed them home and away all over europe in qualifiers and friendlies since before i met him so cant grudge him... and he can afford it.

Given your update, he's being totally and utterly selfish, and putting his (ridiculous) wants ahead of everyone else in his life, with absolutely no thought as to the consequences and ramifications (and even more worryingly, no apparent wish to engage in even considering them).
If he wouldn't be OK with you doing the same for something you've always wanted to do (tour the far east, South America, both of these) then you'd be quite justified in reading him the riot act.
(edited for typos)

Do people even bother to read updates? I’m assuming not.