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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

704 replies

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:26

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

OP posts:
ScartlettSole · 07/12/2025 18:15

canklesmctacotits · 06/12/2025 18:36

I can’t comprehend separate finance questions, but I do want to say that this actually isn’t once in a lifetime. It literally comes around every four years and the next one will be in Spain.

Also, I’m on the east coast: nobody knows yet which games are going to be where. There’s every chance it could be Uruguay vs Uzbekistan (or whatever, I haven’t analyzed the draw carefully) and I certainly wouldn’t be happy to pay that much out of a family pot (??) for that.

The single most important point is that it’s proving to be harder to get tickets for these games than for Taylor swift. It’s beyond a joke. I’d be amazed if he actually manages to secure two lots of two tickets.

The Word Cup is every 4 years, qualifying can indeed be once in a lifetime 😂

Oblomov25 · 07/12/2025 18:15

If you have separate finances and his spare money is to do with as he pleases then how can you complain what he chooses to spend it on?

Forevergardening · 07/12/2025 18:15

If it prevents him from adding to the joint pot or it prevents getting any planned renovations/decorating etc done, then i wouldn't be happy. If it no financial loss to you then it doesnt matter if he goes, apart from the missing of DD birthday, shes young so probably won't remember. Tell him when he gets back you plan on going on a 10 night holiday see what his opinions are

Trishyb10 · 07/12/2025 18:17

Tolerates is a strong word. Stop him And you,l marr the relationship. A 2 yr old wont miss daddy not there

SisterMidnight77 · 07/12/2025 18:17

He is being unreasonable. He doesn’t earn enough to do it. If he had the money and was desperate to do it then fair enough, but he doesn’t.

Chocja · 07/12/2025 18:19

If this was a work trip and was free and used no annual leave then missing a 2nd birthday would be ok. But using up precious leave and family funds that you can’t afford to waste is just selfish. Booking it without discussing would have me questioning his commitment to your and your dc.

I would genuinely struggle to forgive this and trust him not to put himself first again whenever it suited him

Sharptonguedwoman · 07/12/2025 18:19

The problem's not really the football, I think although in my case, I really would rather watch paint dry. The problem is the impact, not least on the family finances. So instead of football, I wonder if it would make a difference if it was say, a horse, a fabulous, one off possibility of buying the best horse ever that would make someone happy for years and years. at least it's possible to insure horses and cars.
Is it OK to mangle the family finances for a horse, or a classic car that became available? I think if OP's husband had asked instead of declaring, that would have been a major step. He should also have offered to try and make it up somehow, like getting on and sorting the garden himself at the weekends.
It's the partnership failure that would piss me off.
Two year olds probably aren't aware of their actual birthday OP so move the party till the fantasy footballer is home, preferably with jetlag.

Bluestar1971 · 07/12/2025 18:21

All depends how much money and saving you have got. If not it's completely unreasonable. If you are loaded it's fine

PinkyFlamingo · 07/12/2025 18:23

RowOfRunners · 06/12/2025 18:48

I rather suspect that similar ‘once in a lifetime’ opportunities may crop up with tedious regularity.

But I guess separate finances mean that you don’t get a vote?

Haha not if you're Scottish it won't! 😂

LoveSandbanks · 07/12/2025 18:25

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:34

Whilst we don’t have joint finances we have joint savings goals. For example, new carpets, get the garden done which now we won’t be able to afford to do because he’s getting himself in to debt and will spent the next however long paying it off. We also won’t be able to afford a family holiday for the next couple of years because I’m not prepared to pay for all of us. He doesn’t have £7k or anywhere close in savings so it will be going on a credit card

If he was putting this over a family holiday (or even several) no, I’d be fucking pissed off actually

Cranarc · 07/12/2025 18:25

I said YABU on the basis you have separate finances and he can do what he likes with his money. I have now read the rest of your posts. I would feel pretty aggrieved about putting the bulk of it on a credit card, even if the card is his sole responsibility. That's a poor show when you have joint goals that he will now not be able to contribute to for quite a while, based on your current incomes.

Bruisername · 07/12/2025 18:25

Mumsnet is a strange place - some threads the cost of living crisis is rammed down your throat and you’re evil for asking about buying a £509 handbag, and on others it’s ‘ah well just make sure you spend 7k on yourself’

its a crazy amount of money.

how much has he actually committed to so far for the bits he’s booked? Are his friends in better paying jobs and/or childless?

Catcooper25uk · 07/12/2025 18:26

This is something I couldnt get worked up about. Myself and DP have separate finances and he also gives me money for shopping and for treats for myself. I went away solo a few years ago and he is going away solo in 2026 he has already booked it and paid most of it off totaling to just under 1k Im not going abroad next year as I have bali booked for 2027 with a little jaunt over to Perth in oz while im there and that has cost me just over 2.5k but I pay all that myself and I dont get into debt for it. I wouldn't be bothered if DP spent that on going to the world Cup as he has always been a big football fan since being a child and was until he got too old for it in a sunday league so football is a big passion of his and I would be excited for him to go if he could go.

Grammarnut · 07/12/2025 18:26

Separate finances (and you are presumably not married). As long as this is discussed and agreed on, then okay a lovely trip for him, and I will be doing ditto (to same cost from my separate income) whilst he looks after DC for 10 days, this to happen in the next few months and I will be booking it now. Otherwise not, though I don't see how you can stop him (in which case still have your holiday).
DC will have other birthdays.

Grammarnut · 07/12/2025 18:29

Cranarc · 07/12/2025 18:25

I said YABU on the basis you have separate finances and he can do what he likes with his money. I have now read the rest of your posts. I would feel pretty aggrieved about putting the bulk of it on a credit card, even if the card is his sole responsibility. That's a poor show when you have joint goals that he will now not be able to contribute to for quite a while, based on your current incomes.

But this is sensible. If flights etc are on his credit card then he has protection from loss/places going bust etc. As long as it is paid back without interest this is good financing (and the only reason I have a credit card).

Doingtheboxerbeat · 07/12/2025 18:30

Bruisername · 07/12/2025 18:25

Mumsnet is a strange place - some threads the cost of living crisis is rammed down your throat and you’re evil for asking about buying a £509 handbag, and on others it’s ‘ah well just make sure you spend 7k on yourself’

its a crazy amount of money.

how much has he actually committed to so far for the bits he’s booked? Are his friends in better paying jobs and/or childless?

But we are all different people lovely - just because we're all posting on MN doesn't mean we're all on six figure salaries or all using food banks - you get that don't you?

Mum23plusC · 07/12/2025 18:31

I read this one out loud to my husband. His response "what a selfish prick he is".

Nosleepforthismum · 07/12/2025 18:31

What a knob. Fairly sure if this was a mates wedding instead of football (also a once in a lifetime opportunity - as is, incidentally, his daughter turning 2) there would be far more people telling OP that his priorities are all wrong and that he shouldn’t even think about going.

Cranarc · 07/12/2025 18:34

Grammarnut · 07/12/2025 18:29

But this is sensible. If flights etc are on his credit card then he has protection from loss/places going bust etc. As long as it is paid back without interest this is good financing (and the only reason I have a credit card).

Show quote history

Yes, and that is how I use a credit card, too. However the OP's posts indicate he has nothing like enough funds to pay the card in full when the bill comes in.

Mumstheword1983 · 07/12/2025 18:39

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:34

Whilst we don’t have joint finances we have joint savings goals. For example, new carpets, get the garden done which now we won’t be able to afford to do because he’s getting himself in to debt and will spent the next however long paying it off. We also won’t be able to afford a family holiday for the next couple of years because I’m not prepared to pay for all of us. He doesn’t have £7k or anywhere close in savings so it will be going on a credit card

I was going to say if it's affordable I would be ok with it (family of 6 here).

However reading this update I would be a bit gutted as I wouldn't want this debt hanging over my partner and reducing availability to improve the home or have a family holiday.

Grammarnut · 07/12/2025 18:41

Cranarc · 07/12/2025 18:34

Yes, and that is how I use a credit card, too. However the OP's posts indicate he has nothing like enough funds to pay the card in full when the bill comes in.

Show quote history

I have now seen that - a lesson in not responding too fast. He's an idiot to be doing such a thing (and a selfish prick, too). He hasn't even booked tickets!

Teaforthetotal · 07/12/2025 18:49

This isn't just a weekend away with friends. Surely this time a the kind of thing you stop doing while you have a young family?

Doubledenim305 · 07/12/2025 18:49

Separate finances means that as long as he pays his part of the bills then he can spend rest on what he likes without u being in a mood about it.
Disappearing from fathering duties is another issue. He needs to make up the time for u or u would be quite within Ur rights to be in a mood.

Meggie2008 · 07/12/2025 18:49

If he's Scottish, I'd go for it as it'll probably be another 28 years before we get back 🙈😂

Doubledenim305 · 07/12/2025 18:51

Just read full thread... apologies. Changed my mind. He can't afford it. He's not spending his money, he's borrowing money that will impact on family. He's taking the poo poo 💩.