Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

[Rigaboni]

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

exactly. much better to go now than when the child is 10.

YANBU and he is a twat, if he is putting it all on a credit card. He can't afford it.

You will have to put all purchases on hold until he has paid off the debt and can pay his share again. You also need to be sure that this isn't the start of him getting into serious debt.

Do not let him spend your money, he needs to be accountable for his own actions.

Credit cards are very dangerous for people who live a lifestyle that they can't afford

how much you want to spend isn’t fixed and it doesn’t sound as if he wants to do it on a shoestring budget

it can easily add up to 4k and 2k for a midrange option

it could easily be far more for a luxury version

the minimum spend (not by the way including tickets) could be 4k the max spend properly has no upper limit

also we have no idea what airport he needs to travel from either

if he has said 4k for those but I would be shocked if he or the OP were lying

and you mean the FIFA tickets themselves? The next and final lottery is December 11th but they will be highly sort after. FIFA ticketing is a mess and the majority will go through resale sites at ridiculous prices

It sounds like he can’t actually afford this without leaning on you to pick up the extra costs of him being unable to contribute as much as usual due to debt incurred by the trip. That’s a problem. I think he will need to draw up a spreadsheet so you can both see the long term impact.
The trip itself? I don’t think it is unreasonable that he wants to go, and it can’t be helped if it clashes with the birthday. You can just celebrate early before he leaves. But where is the reciprocity? When do you get to spend £7k on yourself and have 10 days child free? Get that worked into the spreadsheet too.

He's actually booked stuff on credit and THEN told you? So usual question from me. What exactly does this prince among men bring to the relationship?

Just because he's put it on a credit card it doesn't mean he's going to be racking up interest. It's very easy to move debt from card to card switching to 0% deals.

It wouldn't be for me, I'm very much a save the money first kind of woman, but it can be done quite easily.

Their not married. They have separate finances. Why shouldn't he do it?

He’s going for 10 days, not 7. And breakfast won’t necessarily be included especially if he’s staying downtown.

Agreed. If I really really wanted to do something like this if needed DH would be telling me we’d stick it on a cc ( within reason) so I could go. It isn’t like its a regular event. Many years ago I bought this gorgeous suit for a wedding, it was well over what we could afford as a young couple . I sheepishly tried it on and showed him , he didn’t say a word about the price but just how beautiful I looked. We’ve been married 35 years and memories like that make me smile.

because they don't appear to have separate finances even though that is what the OP said. If you are in a relationship and have a child together then you do not just go off and book stuff without discussion....and least good sensible people don't. I get that the OP cannot stop him but she can make clear to him what the consequences of his choice are.

I voted YABU but it would depend on my financial situation.

If he can afford it without it impacting on family finances then I’d say it’s a once in a lifetime thing. I’d just be a bit jealous because I’d like to go too.

Lol tolerate is a little weird...you have separate finances do your own thing be happy then book yourself something lol

As it is Scotland then yes, as it could be the only time in his lifetime. If it was England then no.

I’d insist he get a second job.

Blimey people really will not read the thread, will they? Not even the OP’s posts. Surely it’s a waste of time commenting if you haven’t done at least that? You might as well drop into a thread and tell us what your cat thinks of the situation.

But because so many people don't remember to read OP updates, it's very important not to leave out really salient information like the fact that he has no money or the very common childrens ages or he that he only has 1 year to live etc . So much gets lost in the sauce this way.

I costed up a trip to Boston last Feb and five nights with BA flights, no breakfast at hotel (we book trips to the US as a package as it always works out cheaper and it's never included) was £2.5k. And this was when there were no school holidays or big events in the area. We ended up going to NYC for about half the cost.

Inflation has also gone bonkers in the US since Trump took office, there are tons of stories about how even fast food is too expensive for many people.

The flights at £580 are also likely to be the light fare without hand luggage or a checked bag included (another reason why we always book as a package).

The stadia he wants to get tickets for aren't very public transport accessible, so add on the cost of renting a car or Uber surge pricing.

I can entirely believe it'll come in at £7k.

I bet tipping if you aren't brave enough to not give a shit about this ridiculous system will likely add a bit to the bill.

Tickets for Scotland Haiti are going to be £1k each, and that's if you want to take your chance on a potentially dodgy secondary market site over the official one.

His money his decision - I don’t bat an eye lid but my dh earns treble what I do so can spend it as he wishes.

for example he paid that much on a. New bike and didn’t consult me. There is no need to imho
if it resulted in impacting your budget I would be more concerned - like if he could only afford one trip this year etc

Not if hes staying in Boston and it sounds like its Scotland he supports.

Last time Scotland qualified for the world cup was 28years ago

I'd happily encourage dh to go as long as we could still afford a family summer holiday.

Not Scottish then?

For me its the 10 days solo parenting without discussion that would concern me. The finance is up to him. However I would make it clear that I would also be having a 10 day holiday in the same year with the girls.

My husband went pre-COVID when my 3rd was a baby. I am the main earner so technically I paid.
football is his passion.
he tried as best he could to stay in hostels etc

it was probably his only opportunity to go.

as long as he respects your needs and curtails his other spending either side of the WC then it seems fair.

DD2 won’t realise he is not at her bday

BTW you don't have joint savings goals, he's saving for the world cup, you're saving for your family life. He's told you his priorities.