Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

[Rigaboni]

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

me and husband going from Scotland as it may be a once in a lifetime experience . Lucky to have family childcare. We most likely won’t get match tickets but happy just to soak up the experience. So far we have paid 1300 for return flights to jfk from Manchester and £400 for 5 nights in a new jersey hotel. £100 for a one night hotel in Boston for night of the game (this is all for 2 adults). Still have to book a train for $30 each to get from new jersey to Boston.
so wondering why it’s 7k???

I was going to say yabu because you have separate finances and he can therefore spend his money on whatever he likes.

Then I read that he would be getting himself in debt to go. That's just wildly irresponsible in my view, and would probably affect your credit rating as well as his own. So I wouldn't tolerate that, personally.

Re the separate finances - I think that's fine but it sounds like you need to rejig things a bit so that you each pay into shared savings/holiday funds etc as well as the joint account for your day to day expenses.Then any leftover money can genuinely be spent on anything without it impacting on family plans.

Who is he going with? If he has just announced to you that he's going without any discussion then he clearly has little regard for you, kids or your relationship. Seems like a selfish arse to me. And getting into debt for a football trip shows the caliber of the man. You need to take a good hard look at what's actually going on. You're not in a partnership. Why are you even with this prize specimen??

Why not go too as a family? Either way it's no drama, at 2 your child won't know when it's birthday is so just have it when he gets back.

Yes, especially as it is going to be harder and more expensive to take holidays once they start school.

Op has said that he doesn’t have the cash, will have to pay by credit card, and it will mean no family holidays or needed home improvements for several years until he gets that debt paid off.

Which Boston hotel?

£7000 Is a lot to put on a credit card. The interest is going to be huge every month, and that will compound along with the original loan as obviously he is not going to be able to pay it off in one month. I can see this spiraling as there are bound to be more spends when he is over there, he wont have any spare money of his own for years, even with minimum payments. As a couple you will struggle to get finance for upgrades or emergencies. You need to work out what this trip is actually going to cost him, maybe use a money app with a calculator. Credit cards are the worst way to get in debt. A personal loan would be safer, but he probably wouldn't get one because he really can't afford this trip.

Problem is if they both got a credit card and put 7 grand on it they would probably be in deep financial crap by the end of the year.

Looks like tickets currently start at $1,139 per match.

Bargain…

Actually your DD won't particularly care if her 2nd birthday is moved a few days or spread out over a week. And Scotland getting to the World Cup is momentous. However, it doesn't sound like he can afford it, without majorly impacting his family, and that is just selfish. You are going to have to do without garden improvements, family holidays etc until he pays off the debt. Even if you decide to go on holiday with just your DC, or he gets a second job, you're still being negatively affected.

Problem is the separate finance thing is an illusion when you are married as debts, assets and credit ratings are joint in the real world once you are married. £7000 on a credit card is huge and she will be liable for the debt as well.

I'm all for being careful with money yada yada yada but this could potentially be a once in a lifetime experience. Is there any chance you could turn it into a family holiday? I personally love Boston, Maine, Cape Cod and RI in the summer. You could go with AirBnBs (be quick. The prices are escalating pretty rapidly) and he can then go to the games alone and you can hang out with some pretty amazing scenery. And celebrate the 2nd bday together.

I think part of the problem is that he's planning to put it on a credit card and it's going to take him years to pay it off. Although OP could possibly afford to spend similarly on herself, the whole family will be affected by him acquiring this debt and not being able to contribute towards holidays/home improvements etc.

I don’t believe they are married as op refers to him as dp

have you bought a house with him? I would ensure you are not financially entangled with him in any way

Notice she calls him up so maybe they aren't legally married. Not sure about laws in UK but here in New Zealand you would be considered married after 2 years and a child I think. Anyway, going forward, you wouldn't have any spare money with this debt. It's not even as if he is loaning the money for something you could sell either like a car or boat.

If you have separate finances but both pay your fair share of joint bills then it's up to him. I would be looking forward to planning my own 10 days away once he's back though.

I wouldn't be impressed if that leaves a childcare blackhole for you though if he's assuming you are 'alpha' parent when it comes to sorting that.

Based on her update you think he should go spend money he doesn't have while putting their savings plans in jeopardy and the family not being able to go on vacation for the next 2 years????

Yes the child may not remember and if it was truly a once in a while that they could afford ok, but this is very very irresponsible and stupid.

@jayjer me and husband going from Scotland as it may be a once in a lifetime experience . Lucky to have family childcare. We most likely won’t get match tickets but happy just to soak up the experience. So far we have paid 1300 for return flights to jfk from Manchester and £400 for 5 nights in a new jersey hotel. £100 for a one night hotel in Boston for night of the game (this is all for 2 adults). Still have to book a train for $30 each to get from new jersey to Boston.so wondering why it’s 7k???

You cannot get a train from New Jersey to Boston direct. You absolutely cannot get from NJ to Boston by train for 30 dollars each. Maybe by bus for a bit more than that - that's a nearly 6 hour journey.

If you are with a big crowd of people from Scotland then yes there will be an atmosphere. There will not be an atmosphere for the world cup in a 100 dollar a night hotel in Boston - possibly not even a hotel lounge to watch the match. Soccer is getting bigger here but still nothing like the world cup would be in UK or Europe. Foxborough (the stadium) is miles from Boston.

I really am not meaning to piss on your chips but I'd take a good look at what you are booking and what your experience will be if I were you. If you had match tickets it will be great. And like I said if you are with a bunch of scottish supporters and friends it will be fun but don't expect soccer mania everywhere in Boston or NJ.

YANBU. If he had the money I wouldn’t mind but he doesn’t, it’s going to impact you all if he does go, so no I wouldn’t want him to go.

With all due respect, you clearly have no idea how expensive the area is. As plenty of others have pointed out, with travel it’s likely to far exceed £7k

Wouldn’t be happening. If he came home and said he really wanted to go and did I think that there was any way it would be possible, then that would be one thing. But announcing that it’s happening and you’ve just got to suck it up would have me buying another suitcase so he can take all of his stuff with him. It’s something that will have a huge impact on your family life for a good couple of years. And to announce that you’ll be doing childcare on your own while he’s off having fun would get right up my nose as well. It’s pretty contemptuous of your family plans.

That’s just irresponsible

Ok, there's Jersey hotels near Meadowlands that are ok and then there's hotels near Meadowlands that are really in Newark and are absolutely shit, have nothing to do nearby that's safe and I would rather stick a fork in my eye than stay in. I'm thinking for 400 quid for 5 nights at World Cup time, you may have accidentally booked the second. I know this area really well so feel free to message me if you want to doublecheck what you've booked. Also, I'm not entirely sure what experience you're hoping to soak up because Meadowlands is not really a "soak up the experience" kind of place. It's REALLY strict about non ticket holders and it's just kind of in the middle of an old wasteland with one of the craziest malls, American Dream, right next door. You can't walk to it, except from the mall. You can't go to a nearby bar and hear the noise. The nearest bar is in the mall and you can't hear anything there over the noise of the freakin mall! If you can get a ticket for a tailgating party in the car park, you'd be good but from what I'm hearing locally, you would have to have a ticket for the game to get a ticket for the tailgate.

To the doubters, you 100% can get a $30 ish train ticket from Secaucus to Boston, traveling off peak. I'd book that very soon as the trains will 100% take all WC travel off the off peak schedule in the next few days. Also, the Gilette stadium isn't actually in Boston. So price yourselves travel for that too.

Anyway, I hope this helps a little with local info!

Er, no, he is also going away for ten days, leaving his partner to look after the little one all by herself. Did you miss that part?