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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

704 replies

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:26

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

OP posts:
IridiumSky · 06/12/2025 23:38

Reification · 06/12/2025 23:06

She has said what their overall finances are! He has no savings to speak of, plans to put 7k on a credit card and pay it off over the next few years, during which time he won't be able to contribute to their joint plans to save for carpets, work on their garden and a family holiday. He earns 38k per year and the OP 45k.

Show quote history

Apologies - I hadn’t read the full thread.

In that case, in my opinion, the man’s an irresponsible lunatic.

Thousands in credit card debt for stupid football? It’s insane.

What is it with blokes and football? I’m a bloke too, but am glad I was cured of any interest by being forced to run about in the rain at school.

Springbaby2023 · 06/12/2025 23:39

At first I thought you were being unreasonable to not want him to go, but then I saw your update about how he would be getting himself into debt to so /m- you are absolutely not being unreasonable. He’s much better to wait until a euros when they qualify again, yes it might take some time but gives him chance to save and will then be closer to home so less expensive anyway.

BauhausOfEliott · 06/12/2025 23:40

If you have separate finances, he can spend his money on what he wants. The birthday thing is a non-issue; a two-year-old doesn’t even understand what a birthday is and isn’t going to remember it.

Bruisername · 06/12/2025 23:42

I can understand why people don’t read every post but why don’t they at least read the OPs? Her updates are very pertinent

Ilovelifeverymuch · 06/12/2025 23:48

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:34

Whilst we don’t have joint finances we have joint savings goals. For example, new carpets, get the garden done which now we won’t be able to afford to do because he’s getting himself in to debt and will spent the next however long paying it off. We also won’t be able to afford a family holiday for the next couple of years because I’m not prepared to pay for all of us. He doesn’t have £7k or anywhere close in savings so it will be going on a credit card

Well that changes this, going into debt for such a trip is ridiculous, and the fact it will affect your family goals and family vacations etc is also unacceptable.

I don't know how much away you can have in saying no given you have separate finances but you are right to be upset.

Lostsoul35 · 06/12/2025 23:48

Pallisers · 06/12/2025 23:31

You too can go to the ball!

He doesn't has the money - will put it on the credit card

His "childcare" is letting his wife sort it.

You could go too! Just put it on a credit card and dump your children on their father.

Show quote history

Well that's his choice if he wants to pay it up. It will be an experience he will have forever.
If I had the financial ability I'd take my kids with me for the experience of a lifetime.
Though after 17 years of parenting without more than 1 sporadic night at a time off id deserve the break. Unfortunately for me my children's dad thinks a few hours a fortnight is parenting.
Op could always arrange a girls holiday or 2 over the time he's paying his up or figure out a way to go with him.

YouHaveAnArse · 06/12/2025 23:54

Love the idea that he can get cheaper accommodation by looking at AirBnB etc. Ten days in Boston during the WC is going to be the bulk of £7k alone.

He's also extremely unlikely to get tickets, at least not for £500 each (lol)

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 06/12/2025 23:55

I’d love to know how he plans to do 10 nights in Boston around then, plus flights, plus match tickets, all for 5k, speaking as someone who stays in hotels in Boston a lot… (I live a couple of hours drive north of it.)

Also Foxborough is a fucking nightmare to get to at the best of times.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 06/12/2025 23:56

Girl, hes going

Just refuse to pay for anything moving forwards, I guess

I dont really see the point in being in such a situation, is he a hands on dad?

Nancylancy · 06/12/2025 23:58

If you have separate money then presumably he's free to spend it on what he wants. If my DH really wanted to do something like that, and it was important to him then I'd want him to go. Just as if I really wanted to do something, I wouldn't expect my DH to try and stop me on the basis of money - especially if it's my own money not his.

Pallisers · 07/12/2025 00:00

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 06/12/2025 23:55

I’d love to know how he plans to do 10 nights in Boston around then, plus flights, plus match tickets, all for 5k, speaking as someone who stays in hotels in Boston a lot… (I live a couple of hours drive north of it.)

Also Foxborough is a fucking nightmare to get to at the best of times.

Edited

yeah I live in the greater Boston area - 5 miles from Boston. Cost of living is really high here. Good luck to him.

Nancylancy · 07/12/2025 00:01

Oh just read about the debt and the savings goals. No, getting into 7k of debt is ridiculous. Totally different if he has the money for it! But he doesn't. So no!! I retract my previous comment.

Blump2783 · 07/12/2025 00:02

Having read your responses, I wouldn't be happy for my husband on 38k a year to get 7k in debt for a holiday.

Sunflower459 · 07/12/2025 00:03

It’s genuinely curious how many people seem to think that having ‘separate finances’ means that two people literally live in two vacuums and have no mutual obligations. The fact that OP’s partner has his own money doesn’t mean he’s off the hook for the wider household consequences of mismanaging that money, especially where there are kids involved. This really isn’t hard to grasp.

Pallisers · 07/12/2025 00:04

Op could always arrange a girls holiday or 2 over the time he's paying his up or figure out a way to go with him.

That's a great idea. Instead of being 7k (minimum - I live in Boston it will be more than that) in debt they can go 14k in debt.

YouHaveAnArse · 07/12/2025 00:04

TheQuirkyMaker · 06/12/2025 23:19

It's with a different family. I think he has 3 families going on, so it is hard to keep track of them.

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Sorry, what???

Honestly, I'd love to go myself, but a) 0 chance of actually getting tickets b) I don't like to travel at that time of year, too hot and expensive c) it's in the US which I don't want to visit for the foreseeable future. And although I could fund it from my own (separate) finances, there's other things we need to be spending that money on.

mugglewump · 07/12/2025 00:09

My DP is refusing to go because of the politics (Fifa corruption and everything Trump related) and the sky-high prices, even tho' it is the first time in decades that Scotland has qualified. Lots on the Tartan Army Forum saying the same.

Icecreamisthebest · 07/12/2025 00:13

I would be re- evaluating the entire relationship. He’s made it clear that you and DD are not important, he has a shit attitude towards money, he thinks he can declare something without considering the impact on you. What’s the point of him exactly?

You have learnt that he does not have your back and is selfish. what happens if you hit hard times? If you or DD are seriously ill? Do you think you would be able to rely on him? The number of men who leave their partners if they get cancer is astronomical. I would never be able to see him in the same way again if he did this and I’d be getting my ducks in a row

usedtobeaylis · 07/12/2025 00:15

Hardly anyone is going to get a ticket - less than an 8% allocation. Almost everyone going knows that and is going for the experience. For that reason the pp suggesting her goes for less nights over one game is probably pretty reasonable.

Goldfoxwife · 07/12/2025 00:15

Seperate money gosh split up tbh

usedtobeaylis · 07/12/2025 00:16

Icecreamisthebest · 07/12/2025 00:13

I would be re- evaluating the entire relationship. He’s made it clear that you and DD are not important, he has a shit attitude towards money, he thinks he can declare something without considering the impact on you. What’s the point of him exactly?

You have learnt that he does not have your back and is selfish. what happens if you hit hard times? If you or DD are seriously ill? Do you think you would be able to rely on him? The number of men who leave their partners if they get cancer is astronomical. I would never be able to see him in the same way again if he did this and I’d be getting my ducks in a row

From wanting to go to a once in a generation football event to leaving her if she gets cancer in one fell swoop.

Nothing like a bit of good old fashioned hyperbole on Mumsnet.

Sunflower459 · 07/12/2025 00:24

usedtobeaylis · 07/12/2025 00:16

From wanting to go to a once in a generation football event to leaving her if she gets cancer in one fell swoop.

Nothing like a bit of good old fashioned hyperbole on Mumsnet.

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I mean, if you’re planning on doing life with a person it is wise to consider how they would respond if the very worst happened. And OP’s partner comes off as many things but reliable and sensible definitely aren’t among them. Selfishness is rarely a siloed thing. A person who is selfish tends to be generally selfish. Cancer diagnoses aside (!), I’m not sure I could see a future with someone who would court insolvency over a few football games. But it does take all sorts.

Tistheseason17 · 07/12/2025 00:29

Time to book a holiday with your 2 yr old in the Maldives whilst he is away. So much cheaper thank his trip and you will have an amazing time - just do it. What's good for the goose 🪿 is good for the gander!

Friendlygingercat · 07/12/2025 00:32

Why not spend a lot less money on a bigger TV or one of those projector screens and all watch together. Job done.

elliejjtiny · 07/12/2025 00:33

If he had the money, finances are separate and you have £7k to spend on something nice for you then fine. But it looks like that isn't the situation.