Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

[Rigaboni]

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

That is absolutely insane. He should not have had kids.

He can’t afford it. He would be paying for nearly all of it on debt which will affect his ability to contribute to family goals. He’s cancelled the plans they had for new carpets and garden work, as well as he can’t pay to go on holiday with his family. If my dh decided he wasn’t going to contribute to family holidays for a couple of years I’d tell him it’s clear he’s decided not to be part of the family and time for us to formalise the separation.

But then who makes sure they get the new carpets? I know they’re not as exciting or ‘once in a lifetime’ as he seems to feel this trip is, but having separate finances doesn’t mean he has no shared responsibility for ensuring his child lives in a properly furnished and orderly home.

Will he be using up annual leave and therefore unable to have a family holiday later in the year?

Their finances aren't fully separate, they just have their own accounts. Obviously they're running a house together and have shared obligations. Op will be picking up his financial slack.

OP has said he won’t be able to afford a family holiday for the next few years anyway

What holiday are you having?

What childcare has he sorted whilst he’s going to be away? Did he check with you that you would be around or just assumed you would?

If both he and you as a family can easily afford this without noticing it much, it’s no big deal (but you don’t say what your overall finances are).
OPs turn next!

If he was English, no. But as he is Scottish, he has to go!! Lots of Scottish people will be doing just as crazy unreasonable stuff but it could be once in a lifetime opportunity! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🥳🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🥳🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🥳🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🥳🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🥳🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🥳

OP has said what their overall finances are in the thread, and that he will be going into debt to fund this trip in a way that will overburden her for the next few years. It’s all there in the thread.

She has said what their overall finances are! He has no savings to speak of, plans to put 7k on a credit card and pay it off over the next few years, during which time he won't be able to contribute to their joint plans to save for carpets, work on their garden and a family holiday. He earns 38k per year and the OP 45k.

Which is why he needs to go to support them. If he doesn't go they may lose, so they need his support!

But he is not married so has no obligations. The poor sap is being dragged into financing a family which has nothing to do with him.

How is his child nothing to do with him?

No.

I honestly never understand these posts - my daughter absolutely knew it was her birthday when she was 2. She had a dinosaur party and asked for a cake with a bunny and a duck. She likes looking at the photos now still, and talking about previous birthdays and what we did on them.

Just like she knew it was Christmas and was excited for it when she was 2 also, despite everyone saying they don’t know/ understand at that age. I mean she didn’t understand it the way she does now, but she absolutely got it on her level.

But more than that - I knew it was her first/ second birthday etc. We were actually invited to a wedding on her second birthday , miles away and no kids. I’d have liked to go but not as much as I wanted to spend my daughter’s birthday with her - because I would know what day it was even if she didn’t. And I’d think less of my husband if he didn’t feel the same way.

Obviously there’s bigger issues going on here. I’d be ok with my husband spending money he had on the trip - we do have some separate savings although we’ve recently moved to a bigger house so things are much more joint and everything’s kind of gone into that now. But if he had 7k to spend on a holiday/ sporting event I’d in theory be fine with him doing just that. I’d be bloody livid if he was getting into debt for it though, and it affecting us not being able to have a family holiday or do what was needed around our home - your personal money is what’s left over after your contribution to that stuff has been taken care of. If there’s nothing left well then there’s nothing left. I’d really not get past it.

I would say this is a bad idea unless you both have some solid savings. When I heard how much he was spending I thought he was a high earner. Then I saw both your salaries and honestly I don’t think he can afford it. I earn more than you and DH is on 150K but we don’t spend 7K on solo holidays. That is a lot! I would be annoyed that he wants to get into debt for this. We have a simple policy, don’t live beyond your means. If you don’t have the money, don’t spend it.

Wonder how many female Scottish fans will be leaving their parenting responsibilities without checking in with their partners and getting family into debt and stopping any family holidays for the next few years just to watch football?

It's with a different family. I think he has 3 families going on, so it is hard to keep track of them.

You prob should have put in the OP that he putting this on a credit card and his salary. It would have changed the voting.

That being the case, it’s fucking outrageous, stupid and selfish.

If you had loads of money, then I would probably not worry about it.

But he’s taking a fabulous holiday which he can’t afford at all. He has a young family and a home to sort out. Those should be prioritised. I’d be seriously questioning my future with someone who makes such spectacularly illogical and financially irresponsible decisions.

Yeah, I don’t get it either. It’s not just about what she will and won’t remember. It’s about the family dynamic, about wanting to celebrate milestones together. How far does this ‘they won’t remember it’ logic extend? Presumably they still do nice things with the child despite the fact she won’t remember them? But then the fathers of my acquaintance would feel they had impoverished themselves by missing their child’s birthday. Apparently OP’s partner has no such problem.

No. Just no!!!

He is getting into 7k debt meaning OP has to go without and planner house repairs can’t go ahead. He won’t provide any childcare while away. He gives no shits about his 2 year old’s birthday.

Of course someone without all these issues should go if they can. But with all the above you think he should? Are you for real right now?!

You too can go to the ball!

He doesn't has the money - will put it on the credit card

His "childcare" is letting his wife sort it.

You could go too! Just put it on a credit card and dump your children on their father.

Where did you get the idea the child wasn’t his and he had multiple families?! What are you drinking? Must be something good! 🤣😂

TBH my mind is absolutely blown at the idea that someone who earns £38k gross a year would spend seven grand on a solo holiday while saving up for carpets.

Unless there's some backstory to these carpets (I'm assuming they're not magical ones), then it seems like a total distortion of priorities. I wouldn't spend that on a solo trip & would need a serious discussion to consider it for a joint trip. If I needed a carpet replaced? I'd just go out and buy one.

Is it possible he's just got caught up in the excitement (I'm Scottish, I get it) and will calm down once he realises what a silly proposition it is for someone in his circumstances?