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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

704 replies

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:26

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

OP posts:
Dancingdance · 06/12/2025 22:24

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:38

Yes, it does as per my update. For context we earn £45k (me) and £38k (him). So is a big chunk of money (of which he doesn’t have)

Show quote history

After tax you don’t earn much more than him. Why aren’t you both paying exactly half on all shared bills? The percentage of a salary rule would only be if you earned significantly more than him. You will probably have to cover his share of things so he can afford this trip.

OneGreySeal · 06/12/2025 22:24

Just seen your update on his salary and going into debt. Yeah in that case no, it’s not something he can afford and clearly would put you all in a difficult position. So no he shouldn’t go. My DH only started going to them when he was earning enough that it wouldn’t adversely impact our finances.

Sunflower459 · 06/12/2025 22:24

99bottlesofkombucha · 06/12/2025 22:22

I’d say I can’t make you do anything, but we will be going on family holidays without you for the next couple of years, as I’m not cancelling them because you’ve spent your share nor am I subsidising you, you’ve decided your priorities. If you are going to get mad at us going on holiday without you instead of being supportive and doing housework while we are gone, knowing I’ve cared for our daughter and celebrated her birthday while you’re away, then you need to leave now, and go find somewhere else to live. This is on you and I won’t put up with any sulks or mood. We won’t be able to get the garden done or other things we planned, so if this ever happens again I will be rethinking our marriage. If we aren’t a priority then I don’t want to be in this, your daughter and I deserve to only live with people who prioritise us.

Then he gets another holiday from parenting when they go away without him. Poor OP is having to shoulder everything while he’s acting like a kid. Going into 7K of debt on something like this when he’s only earning 38K p/a is sheer irresponsibility.

Dancingdance · 06/12/2025 22:26

CraftyGin · 06/12/2025 21:50

YABU - he's not your husband. You have no say over how he spends his money.

The one thing I would query is the cost estimate. I think 10 days in Boston will be £3 - 4000 alone, then multiplied by the world cup premium.

Being married doesn’t matter. OP and her partner live together and have a baby. It would be different if they didn’t live together.

FerrisWheelsandLilacs · 06/12/2025 22:27

Absolutely not, but only because travel (particularly travel to the US) is our “thing” and it would be beyond absurd that one of us would go without the other.

I would however be okay with making this a £10k family holiday though, and maybe doing something else while he’s at the football.

QBTheRoundestOfBees · 06/12/2025 22:27

I am not sure I could get wound up about this. I would just book myself a holiday with the toddler and make sure that he is still contributing his fair share to household bills.

Flatandhappy · 06/12/2025 22:28

I would only be happy if he could easily afford the trip and it didn’t impact things like family holidays, money you want to spend on the house etc. which is not the case. The trip will be long forgotten when he wants a holiday and expects you to pay because he can’t afford to. I would find it hard to be with someone so selfish.

Alpacajigsaw · 06/12/2025 22:28

Motheranddaughter · 06/12/2025 18:29

I would be fine with this if you can afford it
Its a major event

Same

AnneShirleyBlythe · 06/12/2025 22:28

Sunflower459 · 06/12/2025 22:24

Then he gets another holiday from parenting when they go away without him. Poor OP is having to shoulder everything while he’s acting like a kid. Going into 7K of debt on something like this when he’s only earning 38K p/a is sheer irresponsibility.

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Agree ! Why should OP
have to take a very young child on holiday on her own? Where she will be soli parenting 24/7! While he stays at home with his feet up! Bad idea!

CowTown · 06/12/2025 22:29

He’s being selfish, immature, and irresponsible to go into debt. Not sure what you can do though, as he is a DP and not a DH.

Namechangerage · 06/12/2025 22:30

I’d be more livid that I’m expected to parent for 2 weeks without him even checking that’s convenient for me?!

If I have to go on a work trip I still ask my DH if the dates are convenient.

And he would be a total arsehole to miss your DD’s birthday.

The money thing is annoying but if he can prove it won’t send him into debt or mean you have to subsidise him then you can’t really argue as finances are separate.

Edit to add - just seen he WILL be getting in to debt and you’re the higher earner. So that’s a no on the finances too then.

I would die on this hill, OP. If he can this easily forfeit being a parent and goes through with this stupid plan, it’s a divorce.

Mumwithbaggage · 06/12/2025 22:32

I took 5 week old dd to NY on my own (with 10, 8, 7 yo dcs) while dh was working, Not the point. It's football. They get mugs to pay a fortune to watch. Just don't get spending all that watching someone else do something.

99bottlesofkombucha · 06/12/2025 22:32

Sunflower459 · 06/12/2025 22:24

Then he gets another holiday from parenting when they go away without him. Poor OP is having to shoulder everything while he’s acting like a kid. Going into 7K of debt on something like this when he’s only earning 38K p/a is sheer irresponsibility.

Show quote history

he does, and my dh would never ever do this nor would I accept it, but the op and her daughter shouldn’t have to stay home and not get holidays because her partner is totally selfish. If it was me I’d say he doesn’t need to come back from Boston as he won’t be living with us anymore, but I don’t think the op is saying that yet. Given his attitude to money and family I think she will be though.

Aprilmaymum · 06/12/2025 22:33

No I wouldn’t be happy. His spending will impact your home life. So he is being selfish. Is this a first or does he always do his own thing ?

Reification · 06/12/2025 22:39

Alpacajigsaw · 06/12/2025 22:28

Same

Show quote history

They can't afford it though - he's planning to put 7k on a credit card for a ten day solo trip and earns 38k - the OP says they were saving for new carpets and this won't now be possible, and nor will family holidays for a couple of years while he pays off the debt this ten days will put them into.

Onthemaintrunkline · 06/12/2025 22:40

Even if it is his money, spends like this I believe should be discussed and agreed to together.

But in this instance it’s not mutually agreed to, and there’s the rub. An even Bigger Rub is that he doesn’t have the money - it’s a holiday on tick! Him doing this affects his contributions in other areas to his family’s joint pot, as repayments plus any interest will soak up any spare he has for the foreseeable future. And that affects others.

With this in mind I’d be brassed off at the selfishness of even thinking of going on this expensive one man holiday.

Regarding his child’s birthday, well it shows what is more important doesn’t it.

Bigcat25 · 06/12/2025 22:41

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:34

Whilst we don’t have joint finances we have joint savings goals. For example, new carpets, get the garden done which now we won’t be able to afford to do because he’s getting himself in to debt and will spent the next however long paying it off. We also won’t be able to afford a family holiday for the next couple of years because I’m not prepared to pay for all of us. He doesn’t have £7k or anywhere close in savings so it will be going on a credit card

I would not be ok with that
One, he can't afford it, two, the rest of the family will be going without. He shouldn't have so much more fun money than you.

Settings11111111 · 06/12/2025 22:43

ChristmasHug · 06/12/2025 18:29

Yes I would, as a once in a lifetime thing with friends or family. So that answers your question.

But not missing dds birthday. Not at that age. I'd be livid.

She wouldn’t have a clue.

But I don’t think anyone with kids should be spending £7k on a solo holiday unless they’re so rich it’s easily replaceable for similar value family holidays.

godmum56 · 06/12/2025 22:43

L0bstersLass · 06/12/2025 21:58

I'd be absolutely fine with it. I'd support him in saving for it.
Your daughter won't remember her second birthday. Your partner will remember this for the rest of his life.

except he's not planning to save, he's planning to dump the lot on a credit card and then renege on agreed family plans to cover it.

Anyahyacinth · 06/12/2025 22:44

Plus he is horribly unethical travelling into that corrupt nightmare...Lucky that my beloved is club and not ALL football
Sympathies OP he doesn't sound to be a good un

godmum56 · 06/12/2025 22:44

people keep saying its ok financially....does no one RTFT?

Summerbay23 · 06/12/2025 22:44

I guess on the face of it he can afford it and you don’t share finances then it’s fine.

However if you don’t share the same priorities in terms of replacing things in your house and holidays then I guess it’s a bigger problem in your relationship that you need to work on or figure out.

Summerbay23 · 06/12/2025 22:44

I guess on the face of it he can afford it and you don’t share finances then it’s fine.

However if you don’t share the same priorities in terms of replacing things in your house and holidays then I guess it’s a bigger problem in your relationship that you need to work on or figure out.

MummaMummaMumma · 06/12/2025 22:46

As you have separate finances, it's nothing to do with you what he spends his money on. That includes family holidays and new carpets. It's up to him, completely, what he spends his own money on. You get no say at all, sadly. That's the deal when you don't combine money.
It shows how utterly selfish he is. And how sad that he's putting football above his daughters birthday.

PeachBlossom1234 · 06/12/2025 22:47

Ah you’re Scottish. Would I be happy? No. Would he go anyway? Yes.