Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

[Rigaboni]

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

If you can do comparable things for yourself, then I think it’s fine.

The 'declaring' part would be the issue for me. Aside from the obvious financial aspect, he's decided you're solely looking after your daughter for those 10 days, and will miss her birthday.

A couple of weeks back, my DH mentioned he was considering buying a new (less than £7k, but still quite expensive) laptop from savings. I wouldn't have noticed if he had done, but I appreciated that he wanted to know my thoughts on it before he just went ahead and did it. He wouldn't have considered doing it if it meant getting into debt, or if the money wasn't there for me to spend a similar amount on something.

I was about to ask is he Scottish. If he is in the Tartan Army and followed for years thing I can see his point. If he is a glory hunter then he can watch it in the pub! I know some friends are making it a family holiday. Child is 2 so wont know what day is actually birthday yet. I'm considering annual Leave due to time difference to watch at home. I've done my time on the terraces to enjoy this moment

I’d be more concerned about him missing his DD’s birthday.. that would upset me.

My husband would be kicked out the house so fast his feet wouldn't touch the ground. Missing his child's birthday to watch some men kick a ball around?! And spending that much money?! The actual audacity!

The issue isn't really birthdays or finances. It's a "partner" who declares his intentions to meet his own wants without any reference to who will be doing his share of parenting in his absence.
Or any discussion as to when you will be getting your turn.

It doesn’t matter if he’s “Tartan Army” he earns a mediocre wage and is expecting to go on a luxury holiday. I don’t even know how he’s managed to spend £7k on himself for 10 days in the US, that is stupid money for one person, even during a ‘peak’ window, he’s clearly got the holiday planning skills of a goldfish.

Sorry I said "son" in my previous post and you have a daughter. I couldn't have been concentrating

I was thinking yes, but have just seen he will accrue debt by doing so, hard no. Tell him he needs to find the actual cash or it’s off.

Sorry I put unreasonable but only because you have separate finances and as long as he pays his share, you can’t really question it. HOWEVER i just read what his salary is and that it will put him into debt and he wont be meeting other expectations so no, I disagree with my original response - this is a stupid and selfish decision. My husband and I have joint finances and absolutely we’d be discussing that amount of expenditure.
As for the birthday - your kid has no idea when their birthday is, just celebrate together when he’s back. Therefore, it’s more about the daft financial decision for me.

RTFT it will leave the family short.

but she won't be able to because his credit card debt will affect the family.

The fact that you won’t now have a family holiday for a couple of years because of this is astounding. he’s on a low income. He’ll be putting it on a credit card. He can’t afford it. This is ridiculous.

On these salaries it would be a no from me!!!

Haven't read the full thread yet, but I feel some context is missing. If he's Scottish, there may not be another world cup for 40 years... 🫣

OP. Meant she can hopefully go on holiday with another adult to give her a hand with kids.
seems unfair she misses out on a holiday altogether and equally unfair DH gets to go on both

Generally I’d say Once in a Lifetime (though obviously it’s not quite that rare. But if he doesn’t have the money for that and his other obligations (especially, in my mind, the family holiday because you don’t get their childhood back to do it after you’ve paid off the other debt) I’d be furious.

He has no savings, earns £38k and is putting this £7k on a credit card? 😳

He’s trying to live above his means. YANBU.

Where is he going to source money from in the future in the case of an emergency? If he’s only on £38k he won’t be granted much more, if anymore credit at all.

I’m assuming he knows the matches are in Foxborough which is miles from Boston. It’s a pain to get to and not really close to anything interesting. He’ll need to factor in uber or a car rental as well. I’m originally from Massachusetts and briefly considered encouraging my DH’s half joking keenness to go for a weekend until I realised they were playing in the Pats stadium, not actual Boston.

He’ll be relying on the OP

Yes unfortunately I thought the same

I think as a married father he should be more financially responsible. He can’t afford this. He has no savings. What happens if he has a shock and needs money such as loses his job, has a medical accident that he can’t work, or something happens to you such that he has to step up more? He is being very irresponsible. This is far out of his budget it’s ridiculous. But i don’t know if you’re best approaching if like that.

Bloody hell! Defo a no.

Would he give you his blessing for similar? I don’t think ‘tolerate’ is the right word and the dc’s birthday probably falls in peak game season, which can’t be helped. My DH did an American trip with some mates, they went to a game for each of the teams they support, I waved him off happily. He’d do the same for me.

My DH is going to the superbowl next February. Definitely once in a lifetime for him so yes I will be alone for 7 days with the kids but am all for it. However, he earns quite a bit more than in this sitauation and has been saving for a year for spending money etc so when he gets there wont take money from our family holidays. So he is not unreasonable to want to go, but if you as a family cant afford it then surely he just cant go.