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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

704 replies

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:26

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

OP posts:
SamPoodle123 · 06/12/2025 20:56

Absolutely not if he has to use a credit card to pay for it and then be in debt! Some people are ridiculous. I could pay for a 7k solo holiday with my savings, but I still would not do it! As it is just too much to justify. Obviously, if you have millions in savings that is another story, but if not enough to cover, totally irresponsible, esp w a young child.

Original poster
Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 20:57

Catapultaway · 06/12/2025 20:02

Surely he went to Germany for the euros last year like pretty much every other scotland fan.
I feel your pain, my DH is going too, no idea how much it will cost but he's followed them home and away all over europe in qualifiers and friendlies since before i met him so cant grudge him... and he can afford it.

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Nope he missed it as DD was born around then. Which was more fuel to his fire to go to the World Cup

OP posts:
monjmaintainer · 06/12/2025 20:58

No. I would not be ok with this. And DH and I regularly do separate holidays (necessity with a disabled child) so I get needing the break and supporting one another to take breaks, but £7k on one trip for one person
is insane. We’ve never spent that for the 5 of us! If you earned double what you both do that would still be quite a consideration. But you don’t, and that’s a huge impact on the annual family finances. I actually don’t think missing a 2 years old’s birthday is too awful - they don’t care, but absolutely no
way to £7k (and let’s face it and I’m sorry but as a fellow Scot in that group it’s unlikely to end well)

mummytrex · 06/12/2025 20:58

Based on your updates no you shouldn't tolerate it. However, the holiday isn't the problem. It's your DP's appalling priorities. Football is more important than your family and you building a nice home together. He'd rather go into debt which will ultimately leave you to shoulder more, rather than continue to save towards previously agreed goals or be around for his kid's birthday. The fact he has suggested this would give me the ick.

Cornishclio · 06/12/2025 20:58

Moveoverdarlin · 06/12/2025 20:50

Thing is, in forty years time will he regret it? Probably not. A World Cup in the States will be epic, I’m not a football fan but it will be amazing.

Why will it be epic? The US is hardly a shining beacon of a desirable place to visit at the moment. You couldn’t pay me to go there and I quite like football. The cringey peace prize by FIFA to Trump is the final straw. I will be boycotting the whole shambles

Jaggy1 · 06/12/2025 20:58

If you’re Scottish then he’s got to go!
I’d do it if I could.

Tiswa · 06/12/2025 21:02

Velveletteslonleylonelygirlami · 06/12/2025 20:55

Not sure about that the club world cup that was hosted there didn't go to well.

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The Copa America 2024 wasn’t without it issues either!

The final was massively delayed due to crowd control as well

and the amount of games stopped for weather issues

they are also still building the infrastructure as well having 64000 Patriots or Revolution fans who are local is a world of difference to having tourist fans - can the infrastructure handle that particularly public transport which is going to one assumes be used a lot. Are there enough trains etc

and there are so many more teams and games

godmum56 · 06/12/2025 21:02

Jaggy1 · 06/12/2025 20:58

If you’re Scottish then he’s got to go!
I’d do it if I could.

what a bunch of bollocks

Calliopespa · 06/12/2025 21:03

Bruisername · 06/12/2025 20:18

OP hasn’t mentioned it but I imagine he’s going with his mates…

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I'm sure he will be too, but I'd have guessed they aren't sharing rooms?

I'm guessing Op and baby might cramp his style ... but too bad. He can make this work for them both. OP doesn;t need to go to the games. I'd take a couple of day trips to Providence and Newport if I were her.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 06/12/2025 21:06

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:34

Whilst we don’t have joint finances we have joint savings goals. For example, new carpets, get the garden done which now we won’t be able to afford to do because he’s getting himself in to debt and will spent the next however long paying it off. We also won’t be able to afford a family holiday for the next couple of years because I’m not prepared to pay for all of us. He doesn’t have £7k or anywhere close in savings so it will be going on a credit card

Make sure you go on holiday with your child alone. 100% refuse to fund him.

lifeonmars100 · 06/12/2025 21:10

just read the update, he is selfish and immature and seems to have no care for the family unit. He needs to grow up

Viviennemary · 06/12/2025 21:10

Missing a two year olds birthday isnt a big deal IMHO. Yes he should go if that's what he wants and he has the cash. And won't leave you short of money.

sunsu · 06/12/2025 21:13

Me and DH are planning going over to watch Scotland (probably from the fan zones) as realistically, it is a once in a lifetime opportunity! He went to the euros last year and absolutely loved it. However, we have the money in savings and don’t have children so aren’t sacrificing anything to go - though it will be our holiday next year, I am happy with this as we have decided to combine it with another US city that I want to visit.

I wouldn’t be getting into debt to go, as much as I realise how important it is to Scottish fans. I don’t think the birthday is a big deal though, at 2 she won’t have a clue what’s going on! You could celebrate when he’s home or before he goes and she’d be happy.

sunsu · 06/12/2025 21:13

Me and DH are planning going over to watch Scotland (probably from the fan zones) as realistically, it is a once in a lifetime opportunity! He went to the euros last year and absolutely loved it. However, we have the money in savings and don’t have children so aren’t sacrificing anything to go - though it will be our holiday next year, I am happy with this as we have decided to combine it with another US city that I want to visit.

I wouldn’t be getting into debt to go, as much as I realise how important it is to Scottish fans. I don’t think the birthday is a big deal though, at 2 she won’t have a clue what’s going on! You could celebrate when he’s home or before he goes and she’d be happy.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 06/12/2025 21:13

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 20:57

Nope he missed it as DD was born around then. Which was more fuel to his fire to go to the World Cup

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He sounds like a petulant man-child. How dare you give birth to his child during a football tournament. Maybe if he grew up and had some savings, then his case would be stronger.

What age is this man to work full-time and not even have £7K in savings? Is he always so useless with finances?

lifeonmars100 · 06/12/2025 21:13

Cornishclio · 06/12/2025 20:58

Why will it be epic? The US is hardly a shining beacon of a desirable place to visit at the moment. You couldn’t pay me to go there and I quite like football. The cringey peace prize by FIFA to Trump is the final straw. I will be boycotting the whole shambles

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Trump looked like a toddler being given a large Christmas chocolate coin when they gave him that ridiculous medal.

Jggg · 06/12/2025 21:14

I'd tell him that you have spent 8k (similarish proportion to income) to book a solo holiday for 10 days and he will be responsible for house and child care during the period. I can guarantee he is not gonna be happy about it.

For me this, unilateral decision to spend this amount of money, going into debt for a holiday, leaving you at home alone for 10 days, would made me consider if this was a relationship worth staying in.

I dont think there is anything wrong with solo travelling or spending money to travel when in a relationship with kids but once you have kids non work related overnight trips, and spending or borrowing bigger sums of money (more than few hundred) on anything non essential (e.g fixing a car you need to go to work would be essential) becomes a joint decision even if you have separate finances.

He's being selfish scumbag who doesnt care about you or his kids.

Purplecatshopaholic · 06/12/2025 21:15

It’s not like Scotland qualify very often. I understand his desire to go if football is his thing (it’s not mine, lol), it’s likely a once in a lifetime thing. It’s a lot of money though. As you have separate finances, I guess it’s up to him if he can fulfill all his family obligations and still go..

Mumtobabyhavoc · 06/12/2025 21:15

It's definitely a passive aggressive move on his part.

MID50s · 06/12/2025 21:16

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:38

Yes, it does as per my update. For context we earn £45k (me) and £38k (him). So is a big chunk of money (of which he doesn’t have)

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Does it mean you don’t be able to then afford to have a have a family holiday?
I’d be fuming if that was the case

fairlygoodmother · 06/12/2025 21:16

I don't think in your position as a couple that he should go although I understand how much he would want to.

But aside from that, how carefully has he estimated his costs? I have been looking at Boston hotels today and they are very booked up and very expensive for what's left. I think it will end up costing more than he thinks. 10 days also seems a lot for two games that are 5 days apart.

Could you compromise and he goes over for 3-4 days and sees one game?

Mrscharlieeeee · 06/12/2025 21:17

I’d be livid that there was no prior discussion on who is taking care of the children and he just assumes you will? I don’t get separate finances with married couples so I guess you can’t say anything about that as it’s his money but I’d be wanting to know what childcare arrangements he’s made.

Lostsoul35 · 06/12/2025 21:17

Depends if he's Scottish then no. It's been almost 30 years since Scotland was last at a world cup. That's an experience of a lifetime for some. If I had the money and childcare I'd be going

suki1964 · 06/12/2025 21:18

As long as he paid his due, as in what he should be paying for the upkeep of the home - that you and your child arent having to cut back - let him go with good grace

Im planing a walking holiday for myself - 2 weeks - without DH. To be able to do this I have to save for my break, and for home care for my mother so no one is inconvenienced, so their lives carry on, and I get the holiday I want

Yeah I can see why you may be disappointed that hes not there for your childs 2nd birthday, but I mean this kindly - its you that's going to notice, not your child

MID50s · 06/12/2025 21:19

Slightyamusedandsilly · 06/12/2025 21:06

Make sure you go on holiday with your child alone. 100% refuse to fund him.

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Just go on holiday alone, same as him!