Walked out of my own birthday lunch

[Nevs]

I walked out of my birthday lunch with colleagues yesterday. I know I’ve overreacted a bit but need some perspective from an outsiders perspective.

For context, as I feel it is relevant: I am a very tidy person and big on cleanliness. It’s an ongoing joke with people at work, as I wipe my desk down with antibacterial wipe each morning. My desk is always very tidy and bare, in comparison to everyone else’s, which people pick up on. There’s light teasing in the group but it’s fine, each of us have our own little quirks that make us unique. This is mine. I cannot relax in mess, so therefore my workspace needs the be clean and tidy, as does my house (as you’re probably guessing, no I don’t have kids yet 😆)

I have recently bought a brand new car, from the dealership. Everyone at work knows, they refer to it as my “big fancy car” It cost quite a lot but I’ve been saving for it for a while as it’s a car I’ve always wanted, and guess you could say it was a birthday present to myself. I’ve also had custom amendments to the interior and seats to make it look nicer. (Not trying to boast, as I said I’m just giving context to the situation)

Now on to the actual incident… It was my birthday yesterday. At work we all tend to eat out a local restaurant for lunch when it’s someone’s birthday.

I’m really not big on making a fuss on my birthday to be honest, it’s just another day to me, and I’ve been overwhelmed with work recently, so couldn’t have really done with that extra time to catch up on work. So I didn’t particularly want to go, but still I agreed to go for lunch since I guess you could say it’s tradition. While the restaurant is local, you need to drive there. So 5 of us went in 2 cars- 2 in one car, and 3 including myself, in my car (the two colleagues in my car don’t drive)

As I pulled up to the restaurant car park, I have colleague Sarah in my passenger seat, and Jane in the backseat. Just as we’re about t get out, Jane out of no where pulls out her lunchbox and says “Nev do you mind if I just eat this in here? I can’t eat anything in there right now (she’s on a diet)”
Immediately I’m irritated, as

1. she put me on the spot, she did not warn me before hand
2. as everyone knows, I’m a clean freak and admittedly a bit uptight, I can’t help it. And I’ve just spent a lot of money having my interior upgraded, she knew full well I would be uncomfortable with this, but she choose to put me in that situation anyway

My response was “Um, no? I don’t eat in my car”
She said she wouldn’t make a mess, and suggested for my benefit, as she doesn’t want to keep me waiting, I can leave her in my car with the car keys and she can lock up and meet us in the restaurant when she’s done. I said “Absolutely not. Why didn’t you say you weren’t going to be eating in there before we left?” She looked a bit put out but then accepted it, and said “it’s fine” put her lunchbox back in her bag and got out the car. Sarah would was sat in the passenger seat looked awkward and didn’t say anything.

We got into the restaurant and met the other two, who had already arrived and were seated. While seated Jane mentioned to the other two that she won’t be ordering. They asked her if she’d brought lunch with her, she said she had but she’ll eat back at the office. Then referred to the incident in my car while looking rather self pitying, this is not her usual demeanour, it looked like an act if I’m honest. I took that as she was looking for sympathy and to get the others on her side. Colleague Emma* laughed and said “Nevs as if you didn’t let her eat. Now she has to watch us and be hungry”

At that point I wasn’t happy, and I’m already aware I’m probably more annoyed than nessessary, l said “And whose fault is that? She sprung it on me out of no where” Jane then said she’s mentioned previously she can’t eat out at the moment due to her diet, which is a lie, she has never told me that.
I said she should have eaten at her before we came out. I also said to Jane “I wasn’t going to swallow any discomfort because you’ve put me in a situation you knew wouldn’t be comfortable with. If you feel awkward now, it’s on you” Emma then continues to press and says that regardless, if she wasn’t going to make a mess, it would have been nice if I’d let her use my car. At this point I snapped “My car my rules! That’s the end of the discussion!”
Everyone went quiet and looked awkwardly in their menus.

About 30 seconds go by and no one has said a word. I stand up and said “I’m not sitting in this awkwardness I don’t have time for it anyway, I’m going back” and leave. (Emma’s car is a 5 seater so fits all of them for the drive back, I wouldn’t have left anyway stranded)

I know snapping and walking out was extreme, I’m very stressed with work at the moment. I have my own portfolio that I cannot distribute out to anyone else for assistance. I’m overloaded with work. I think this was why I was so short with them.

I didn’t speak to any of them for the rest of the afternoon, everyone was quiet. I’m not dreading Monday, but I am anticipating another awkward atmosphere and I don’t even know how to go about it.

I know my delivery was unreasonable, but was colleague also unreasonable? Or am I just a snappy nightmare?

That is the most bizarre response to this thread. People have a right to buy a new car if they want. You are BU.

Oh well that’s okay then. I’ll stick her in the back seat again next time she’s scoffing on some Cheetos and a cheese pasty.

I’d hate to work in your office, you sound like a bunch of schoolchildren

I have a colleague who sounds a lot like you OP, we have a laugh WITH her about her ways but you can be damn sure if there’s a cake, she gets to cut herself the first slice, or a bag of sweets gets passed to her first before we put our grubby hands on them. In this situation, we’d have admired her fancy car, then piled into the other one and met her there. It takes barely an ounce of effort to take her comfort into account

You are more than welcome to come and work
in my office 😅

I’m definitely not a neat freak, but I am particular about eating. All meals are had sitting at a table with a plate and cutlery. No TV dinners and no food upstairs. I don’t mind a biscuit or slice of cake on a plate and a cup of tea in the sitting room, but that’s it. My kids know the rules. They also have to make their beds every morning. It’s good to have standards. I have a house full of children and animals, so it would be unbearable if they didn’t pitch in and help keep the place tidy.

I would love a coworker like you. Anyone who doesn't aimlessly go along with the mob is worth having around.

Why on earth did she go to the restaurant in the first place if she wasn’t eating. I wouldn’t be happy with anyone eating in my brand new car. The other person should have offered her car.

i would just go into work Monday and not say anything. Nothing wrong with being a tidy/clean freak

If you think adults are incapable of having messy accidents, you must be very young.

I can’t get over not eating in a restaurant as you’re on a diet. I don’t know why, I just keep going : why?!

Yes bring teddy’s and we can swap !

I was thinking the same

Op, i thought you were going to say you wouldn't let them have a lift in your lovely new car!

I think they - especially the one who clearly one sandwich short of lunchbox- were all rather rude and frankly eating in your car was a bonkers idea from the start.

I wouldn't let a co worker sit in my car and eat lunch. However I would just say bluntly ' no, out you get' . How weird to even ask, and that's before remembering you like things clean and tidy. So do I, and I have kids and dogs:) it's not that bad, but my tolerance for adults with foibles such as going for lunch, not having lunch, wanting to sit in my new car instead - is at an all time low:)

Yes, it will be awkward for them all Monday. They spoilt your birthday. Fuckers.

Terrible idea! Why should OP do that?

Op, i thought you were going to say you wouldn't let them have a lift in your lovely new car!

😂😂😂 Even I’m not that terrible

This sounds like a setup tbh, brings me back to 8 years ago when i was bullied out of my job and didn't realise until it was too late. Youve done nothing wrong, your boundaries, your choices, its bullying and even here on MN people are knocking you for your choices, id likevyou in my corner. You dont put up with nonsense

Even just getting a takeaway such as fish and chips stinks the car out so I’m not a fan of eating in my car

Jane is a cunt and I think they were doing it to wind you up and are jealous of you getting a new car. I'd give them all a wide birth now

and the posters on here saying you shouldn’t buy a new car, you’re being precious buying a new car and not wanting people eating in it, haven’t a clue and have never had a new car in their life and again are jealous that it’s your choice to do it

i buy a new car, have it for a few years then sell it to my mother for about a fiver and get a new one myself. I can afford this and means I know my mother (who does more miles than me) always has a reliant 2nd hand car

You sound like a bad ass Nevs.
You unapologetically carry on doing you!

If it was the right thing to do then why didn't she offer it.

Your colleague could have eaten beforehand or gone in the other car. That's two easy ways to have avoided the situation so it's unfair to blame you.

If you do actually hold a senior leadership role then you might want to revisit that approach, because your ability and responsibility on being civil as put it, is never ever dependant on the other person's.

In fact that makes the way you handled it even worse from a professional perspective depending on your role in the company.

It sounds like you don't really like your colleagues so don't go for lunch with them anymore. There's nothing wrong with not wanting someone eating in your car. But a polite refusal and laugh it off and move on, that's what genuine work mates would do.

Out of interest what did she have in her lunchbox?

They are not clients, my superiors, nor people who report to me.

They are my peers. Therefore they’ll be treated accordingly to how they treat me. The above I could make exceptions.

I can’t laugh it off when they were continuing to challenge me, the tone was neither light hearted or jokey.

I’ve no idea what she had in her lunchbox, I didn’t ask and I definitely wasn’t going to let her open it.

Oddballs All of you.