To tell friend how hurt I am...

[OnceMoreIntoTheBreachDearFriends]

Let me preface by saying I've got ASD and rejection sensitivity is a huge thing for me, as well as needing plans to be as concrete as possible and not changed.

So for context I've known my friend about 3-4 years, she has a beauty business and I started off just as a client. We tend to just catch up before/after appointments with a coffee or occasionally over the phone, but rarely go out together. However I was also the only friend who didn't flake on her 30th birthday night out (this is important). She's often really flaky with plans full stop (not just with me).

It was my 40th celebration last week and her babysitter let her down on the day. She managed to arrange another sitter who could only come later and said she would meet us at the venue (luckily it was a big group). Not only did she not turn up but she didn't message to let me know. I got a message on the night so say her and her ex (replacement babysitter) had had a huge row and he left - she claimed to have written a text but forgotten to press send - I can only give her the benefit of the doubt on this one.

So I saw her yesterday and to make up for last week she offered to take me for a meal at 6pm today - I booked a table. She was on a Christmas do last night but promised she wouldn't be out late, and we discussed outfits for tonight, etc.

I've text her and now tried to call and no response, so have cancelled the table. I really feel like giving her a piece of my mind but I don't want to lose one of the few friendships I have. She's also booked on a group holiday for my birthday too so not sure how that will pan out...

I wouldn’t reply, just book your lashes elsewhere & take her off the hoilday. Shes no friend op.

Its not great OP but you already know she is flaky, so I think your choice is to accept her for who she is and accept that this might happen when you make plans, or choose not to accept it and just let the friendship drift.

Honestly, I'd say nothing.

Ignore.

Her text apology today is fake, she's fake. If you fall into another trap of trusting her word that she was too hungover yesterday to reply blah blah, you're setting yourself up for more hurt and basically sending out the message that you're happy to be treated like shit. Pick yourself up off the floor and move forward without her in your life. If you continuously allow yourself to be treated like a doormat your self esteem will take the hit.

She doesn't want to fall out, but she can't actually be arsed to be a friend. She's not worth the energy ie. match her energy and don't bother responding.

Do take her off the holiday. If she came it would set you on edge and you'd be wondering what half hearted thing she'd do next. Make space in your life for a better friend.

I suspect you’ll not hear from her again when you cancel your appointment.
even if it costs you it’s worth changing the holiday. She won’t come anyway!
you did totally the right thing here! It’s shit of her to waste a friends time like this.

You have messages early and got annoyed when she didnt reply. She maybe wasn't up or was busy with children. You have been unreasonable in cancelling . however, it maybe that she's not keen to meet.

Is she a coke head by any chance? They always flake out if they get a “better offer” ie. the chance to take some more coke.

Tell me you haven't read the thread without telling me you haven't read the thread...

Where's the eyeroll reaction?

She doesn't do it regularly but does occasionally indulge.... I suspect that's the reason she was so rough after Friday!

I'd get out of the birthday holiday offer now as it's unlikely to go well and take all suggestions to meet up from her with a massive pinch of salt in the future - they may or may not happen, but I would not hold my breath.

She's unreliable as a friend. Whatever she says, I'd trust her actions more than words.

I think this was shitty of her. For me, once I’ve got to the stage where I’m expecting someone to let me down, it’s kind of done. You wrote the OP because you already knew she was going to do that today before she actually did, and you were right. She’s welcome to have giant nights and flake on plans (or totally stand you up, which is what ACTUALLY happened) but it’s a totally reasonable response to just withdraw from the friendship now, at least until she gets her shit together a bit. You're allowed to have feelings. I’d be like “Look I get it, but it didn’t feel great. Let’s catch up in a couple of weeks.” Sorry this happened to you.