Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

[Balletbabe]

My 14 year old stepdaughter has an en-suite bedroom at our house which she uses maybe two or three nights a month.. This room is sacrosanct and DH won’t entertain conversations about it.

Essentially she will not allow my mother to use it over Christmas even if she isn’t here.

My sister is with her in-laws.

We either put my daughter in with our youngest two, or bring baby back in with us. Either of these solutions would potentially lead to sleep regression for both the younger kids. Or we travel for just under an hour to my mother’s, taking kids away from their presents and she will then feel the need to host us.

We still have no idea if stepdaughter is even going to be here.

All DH will say is he wouldn’t want anyone in his room either and he is willing to collect her after presents and she could get Uber back.

Why do this if the room is free for instance? Also, I know the dad is in agreement with the dsd. He's the problem too

Inconvenient is okay sometimes, and they've plenty of time to make other plans, buy sofabeds, book hotels. Let's remember DSD may be there for Christmas. If the alternatives to her room are that much of a problem, maybe OP should be thinking of her a bit more instead of assuming she can bear the brunt.

There’s nothing to ‘deal with’ - OP has been told no, and that’s it. How inconvenient her options are in comparison doesn’t change the fact that they are her options. Using the stepdaughter’s room isn’t.

She can’t override him here any more than she’s been able to override him previously - it’s his daughter and his house.

Obviously, I don't know the OPs entire set up and history and what other motivations she might have, but, just going only by what's been posted here the most obvious thing is for the room to be given to the guest.

Sure, but that's off the table, thanks to a prior commitment, so OP needs to stop stirring and get on with planning another option.

Do you know the entire family background? All I see is 'our house' not his house.

Agree! Wonder if dh family was coming if op would be as keen for that?

Why do you think she's stirring? That's quite an unnecessary view of what she's posted.

I mean that any attempt to put DSD's room back in the picture is stirring up trouble unnecessarily, since that's not an option. Obviously it's a fairly emotive issue too, in a blended family where the child is away from home so much. So OP should handle it sensitively and look elsewhere for solutions.

Your DH has offered a good solution. Have you even asked your mum what she wants? I know I would much rather be in my own bed and be collected and dropped off on the day. Most people like their home comforts.

I’ve seen her previous threads. They’re unmarried, and he owns the house. He has no problem with his daughter and family being all but entirely uninterested in OP and her family, and is happy to operate as a separate unit with his daughter.

Every time OP has had an issue with this she’s been told she can like it or lump it. This situation isn’t going to change.

accomodating entitled behaviour

SD is entitled to a room at her dad's home. She's the home owner's minor child. The money spent on remodeling ensured that. Now OP wants that room for a guest room when she pleases, even when it could and would displace her SD out of her dad's home. OP is not entitled to use that room as she wants.

How many dads have a second family and fuck off to leave the kids of the first to deal? It sounds like OP actually has to deal with that and her oldest. This father hasn't done that. He's made it clear that his daughter matters and that's she's got a place in his home. He's remodeled because his family grew.

Wow. This is a crap situation for OP. And my initial assessment appears to be correct!

Actually think is worse for the dsd!

Not worse but not great either. Husband sounds like a dream 😒

She signed up for this, introduced more children into it, and chooses to remain 🤷🏻‍♀️

She periodically picks a battle, like this one (she knows full well that this isn’t simply an available spare room), to lose.

I don't know. I think a lot of blended family issues come from forcing the blending. In some ways, not pretending it's one family is healthier. It isn't fair to expect the SD to feel the same way about the OP's family as her DD does.

I bet the OP would expect SD not her DD to give her room for her MIL

Think OP and her kids be better off on their own

Yeah. Very much sounds like she's battling against what was initial a bad choice. Oh well. Quite the shit sandwich.

From what the OP posts, relations are good, people are courteous and kind to each other, but there is some separation between the families, and the DSD and her extended family have clear boundaries.

I suppose not all blended families blend seamlessly at all, and maybe this situation is far from the worst. I understand that OP would like it all to be fully blended, but I think that it is respecting boundaries that will help with a closer relationship over time.

The only person this odd set up seems to be working for is her moneybags partner.

There is a bed for your mother.
The obvious solution is she has your bed and you and hubby sleep in the living room on a blow up bed. That way all your younger kids are in their own room so no fear of sleep regression and your SD isn’t being pushed out of her room.

The family dynamics are really obvious here, unfortunately. People like OP should not start relationships with people who have children

It's not OP's house. It's DH's house.

It’s usually not such an issue when a child hasn’t been brought up to be an entitled brat