Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

[Balletbabe]

My 14 year old stepdaughter has an en-suite bedroom at our house which she uses maybe two or three nights a month.. This room is sacrosanct and DH won’t entertain conversations about it.

Essentially she will not allow my mother to use it over Christmas even if she isn’t here.

My sister is with her in-laws.

We either put my daughter in with our youngest two, or bring baby back in with us. Either of these solutions would potentially lead to sleep regression for both the younger kids. Or we travel for just under an hour to my mother’s, taking kids away from their presents and she will then feel the need to host us.

We still have no idea if stepdaughter is even going to be here.

All DH will say is he wouldn’t want anyone in his room either and he is willing to collect her after presents and she could get Uber back.

Well that would foster family harmony, I would be mightily pissed off as the older DD being forced to give up my room to pander to a child who isn’t even there 🤷🏻‍♀️ sorry but no it’s not reasonable to keep the room just in case the DSC changes her mind and decides she now wants to stay during that period. We have the juggle over DC and family staying occasionally and we arrange the dates accordingly, all these suggestions of hugely inconveniencing everyone else to pussy foot around the DSC are ridiculous. Talk about teaching the poor girl to have a victim mentality

More fool you to have settled for so little, having more children with such a man.
Very very normal for children to vacate their bedroom for family.
You have a husband problem primarily.

It might not be sitting empty. OP has said several times that her step-daughter doesn't know what her plans are yet.

Your attitude and language towards this 14 year old are absolutely vile, btw. I don't think she's the "stunted" one here.

If it's "very very normal for children to vacate their bedroom for family", then OP's kids can vacate their bedrooms for their grandmother then, can't they? Problem solved!

You said it yourself in your old thread.

You're two separate families.

You don't make decisions over stepdaughter's room. Period.

You keep kicking off about her every holiday, your husband is going to get very tired of you making her an issue.

You deal with your mom without stepdaughter's space. It's not a guest room. Your husband spent 62000 to ensure she had her own space. You don't get to put your relative in there. She's made it clear she doesn't want anything to do with your relatives.

Does it make a difference that the health of one of her actual grandparents is the factor making a decision difficult?

She’s not being forced out, she’s not even booked to be there

bangs head on wall

WE DON'T KNOW THAT YET. OP has said multiple times that DSD doesn't know where she'll be at Christmas. Maybe she wants the flexibility to choose to see her dad without worrying about where she'll be sleeping?

The OP’s children’s don’t have a double bed and en-suite at their disposal.

It's her HOME - she doesn't need to bloody "book to be there"

Oh well. Guests don't need double beds and en-suites.

I've read another thread of yours. My answer might be different otherwise.

Ask your daughter two swap or your and your DH give your mum your room and sleep on a blow-up.

Your DH is wanting his daughter - who is away at boarding school during term time IIRC - to come for Christmas and more often in general, and giving away her room before her plans have been set will make that even less likely.

No because the roof cause of her being turfed out is because her step sister is insisting a room
remains empty

I’m astounded by how many people on here would happily let someone they’re unrelated to and don’t know stay in their beds! I’m fine with giving mine up for family or friends. But no way would I be willing to do that for someone I barely know. At 40 I assume most people think I’m entitled to that boundary. I think at 14 anyone is entitled to that boundary too.

I know, I find it really bizarre.

But then if having my mum stay the night meant kids would have to be turfed out of their rooms, I would be telling mum we had no room and offer to put her up in a hotel or something instead.

Do you pay towards the mortgage? Unless he pays it in full alongside all bills I would tell him to kick rocks. It’s your home too.

It’s ok to disrupt your children but not DSD? No it doesn’t work like that.

I’m a single mother and hearing stories like this I will happily remain single than consider a blended family.

Ah well, you’re clearly not much of a host I guess. I’m sure when you’re a granny you’ll be satisfied with a blow up airbed in the floor of the utility room, right? Oh no, wait, you’ll know you’re place and never stay overnight with your own daughter at all, and of course your daughter will know not to make an ounce of effort for you, won’t she?

Nobody is being turfed out, stop being dramatic.

OP keeps on how unfair it is but then says stepdaughter "potentially" won't be there

Putting OP's mom in SD's room would make that nearly certain that SD wouldn't come. That's why husband is saying no.

You're being pretty obvious here.

Well when coming to stay with her dad and in what seems to be such an unwelcoming environment, maybe he’s got to make it attractive? How awful she only stays a few days a month! Can’t believe that her dads ok with that!

Could your dh have his daughter's room? Your daughter share with you and your mum have your daughter's room? That way everyone has a comfortable bed and sd doesn't have a relative stranger (to her) staying in her space

Tbh if I was going to stay at my daughter’s future blended family home, I would be a lot more comfortable sleeping in my actual granddaughter’s bed than in that of my step-granddaughter who I barely know.

Although you've called it your step-daughter's bedroom, you seem to believe it's a spare room. It's not a spare or a guest room - it's her private space, and I wouldn't want someone else in my bedroom either. You have 2 reasonable alternatives - you all go to your mother's place or your DH collects your mother on Christmas day and pays for an uber back.

I'll never be a granny so it's not something I need to worry about

But I would never accept an invite to stay at someone's house if it meant their step-child had to give up their room for me, no. Because IMO, that's a really entitled way to behave. I would get a hotel or go back to my own house.

This. Christmas is about mixing it all in together. I slept under the stairs on a blow up bed one year (it was open, it wasn't a cupboard). But it did make us all laugh when Harry Potter came out.

If your DD has an ensuite that's double the reason to give it up to elderly guests who may need access to a bathroom more easily in the night.

My DD always gives up her ensuite to visiting grandparents because they need readily available bathroom access.