Would this be rude?

[Christmas20]

I am going to a family takeaway night tonight with my partner’s family. It’s my first one with them.

They want to order Chinese, which is fine for me because I do eat Chinese food, but I have a couple of issues.

Firstly, I am vegetarian and the place they want to order from doesn’t have a great deal of options for me to choose from. Secondly - and of course I would never voice this to them or make a scene out of it - I have quite bad emetophobia and because of that, I am quite fussy about where I eat from and checking food hygiene ratings etc. The place they want to eat from has a 3 rating and quite a lot of bad reviews about the food being off. I would be panicking the whole time whilst eating and for the next couple of days that the food was going to make me unwell because of this. I am in therapy for this issue but it’s not a quick magical fix.

Would it be rude for me to order my own food (and pay for my own food of course!) from a different place up the road that firstly, has a lot more vegetarian options and secondly, a 5 hygiene rating and excellent 5 star reviews.

I would obviously use the reasoning of there being more options for me to choose from because of being a vegetarian.

When you say ‘we’ are collecting the food, do you mean you and your partner or the group? If it’s you and your partner then I’d just tell partner my concerns about dietary preferences and tell them I’ll collect a dish from the other place. There’s no need to even mention to the group you’ve been to a different place for yours if you think they may see it as rude

It's a takeaway. What needs organising? OP can even go and collect it and get her own food at the same time. I don't know why she needs to announce anything or make a big deal other than maybe a passing comment about vegetarian and that place having more choice but really, who cares? It seems incredibly uptight.

Neurotic? That’s nasty and untrue

we can all have preferences and where it doesn’t matter people should be allowed to express their preferences

and it really doesn’t hurt anyone if she picks her stuff up elsewhere

we don’t have to all conform you know

Tell your partner how you're feeling and see what he suggests given that (1) he knows your situation and is sympathetic and (2) he knows his family best. Posters here have said it's rude, offensive, you'll be "that girlfriend" etc., but if I put myself in the place of your partner's parent, sibling, etc. (whoever will be there), ordering from two separate places and eating together would be fine with me and I'd rather that than find out later that you'd (1) eaten food that made you anxious/was unsuitable for you OR (2) declined the invitation for fear of giving offence. It's absolutely possible that they WOULD find it rude and judge you, but not inevitable.

(Since his family don't know about the emetophobia and you don't want to bring it up, I'd go with saying that you're a strict vegetarian and want to make sure the food is veg.)

Do that and the whole family will decide that they want what the OP is having, and it will be weird.

Could you not just laugh it off and say ‘sorry I know I’m a fussy pain in the arse but there’s nothing I’d eat from there so I’m gonna collect mine from…’ just make it something to joke about to try and take the seriousness away

Me neither. We order what we want. The only reason we'd do a shared one is if it was with another friend and we both fancied a bit of each others.

I think a lot of people responding to this thread aren’t familiar with the absolutely crippling nature of emetophobia, OP. Huge congrats on getting help with it. If it were me, I’d have a chat with your partner to see what his thoughts are, and if needs be just dip out of this meet up feigning illness to avoid any awkwardness. Hope you figure out something that works

Why will it be weird? Op and partner turn up with bags of food, everyone is given their food, Op has hers and that should be that. If Op or her partner say that OP has a vegetarian dish why would everyone all of a sudden want to try it?

Can your boyfriend lie and say he fancies something else? Curry? Kebab etc? So he takes the hit and not you?

I'm sure the people you are going to see would rather you ge comfortable from where you get your food from.
If it was me I'd have no problem with you order from somewhere else.

But don't mention the food rating just say the other place has better veggie options.

Same. As a host I just want guests to feel comfortable and have a nice time. What difference does it make to the rest of us if one person wants to pick up something different, for perfectly good reasons?

I'd often get sushi when dhs family gets dominoes. Nobody cares

Why would they suddenly decide they want someone else's food? That is what would make it weird.

It would be rude. Could you go round a bit later, say that something has come up but you’d still love to come over? Then have whatever food you want and arrive after they’ve eaten?

Of course it's not rude, they haven't exactly spent hours preparing the meal. You aren't expecting them to change where they go or find a solution for you, it literally doesn't affect them at all. If someone did this at mine and was paying for and sorting it themselves I'd not give it a second thought. I wouldn't talk about you or call you 'that' girlfriend - now that actually is rude.

I'd be way more bothered if someone stayed at home or made themselves uncomfortable just for fear of offending me. It's not like the takeaway is owned by them.

Ask your partner to casually point out lack of veggie options and get him to order some dishes from the other place for you and some he would like too.

Depends on the family, as some people order their own dish and eat that whereas other families share everything out on the table.

Perfect!

I literally wouldn’t give a stuff if you did this when visiting me. All I’m bothered about when ordering takeaway food is what I’m having.

I would think it very rude. There are veggie options so order one of them

I'm the MIL in this situation and I don't think you're being rude or weird. We often order from different takeaways, its the eating together part that's fun. Insisting you all have to order from the same place is weird and controlling imo.

I’d imagine the risks of being ill from eating vegetable based dishes are very minimal versus chicken / other meat just steer clear from rice too and something like a veggie curry and noodles or a chow mein would be fine. Most Chinese restaurants offer the vast majority of their dishes with a vegetable only option

Only if they are twats.

If you’re collecting the food, I’d order from both places and they may not even notice. If they do, explain you’re vegetarian and it was better options. I’ve been vegetarian for years, generally I take what I want from my order and then put any left for others to share.

Tbh i dont think its rude to say, sorry but as theres not much vegetarian options there i was going to try X place in stead if no-one minds. Is there anything from there anyone else would like?