Would this be rude?

[Christmas20]

I am going to a family takeaway night tonight with my partner’s family. It’s my first one with them.

They want to order Chinese, which is fine for me because I do eat Chinese food, but I have a couple of issues.

Firstly, I am vegetarian and the place they want to order from doesn’t have a great deal of options for me to choose from. Secondly - and of course I would never voice this to them or make a scene out of it - I have quite bad emetophobia and because of that, I am quite fussy about where I eat from and checking food hygiene ratings etc. The place they want to eat from has a 3 rating and quite a lot of bad reviews about the food being off. I would be panicking the whole time whilst eating and for the next couple of days that the food was going to make me unwell because of this. I am in therapy for this issue but it’s not a quick magical fix.

Would it be rude for me to order my own food (and pay for my own food of course!) from a different place up the road that firstly, has a lot more vegetarian options and secondly, a 5 hygiene rating and excellent 5 star reviews.

I would obviously use the reasoning of there being more options for me to choose from because of being a vegetarian.

Well not really, the OP could say that she has eaten that specific meal before with no resulting problems.

Not when there is one vegetarian and everyone else are meat eaters.

You have to reserve the one (or two) veggie options for the vegetarian otherwise what happens is the meat eaters eat everything and the vegetarian is left with either nothing or very little to eat. This generally always happens at collective spreads so you have to plan for it.

as you’re veggie, you’re collecting them and they’re on the same road, I think it’s fine.

just say ‘I love the veggie food at this place so mines from there’..

you’re not obviously casting aspersions on their choices. I wouldn’t mind at all.

Realistically the restaurant you are at won’t allow you to eat another restaurants food unless you are getting takeaway?

I reckon just do it and own it. No one will really care, it is still a shared experience as you will all still be having a takeaway.

I used to over think a lot of things like this but have learnt with some examples of some fairly blunt and straightforward friends who would do exactly this and not agonise for hours over it that no one bats an eyelid if you’re just upfront and confident with it.

why should you eat crappy plain noodles when you know you can get something else up the road? Regardless of the food rating?? No one would care if you said you didn’t like Chinese and rolled up with fish and chips! I would think you far stranger if you didn’t eat anything/very little.

good luck- you’ve got this!!

I don't think it is at all rude, and I would have no problem with a guest doing this. The plan you have described sounds excellent as it shouldn't inconvenience anyone or require them to spend extra, and you are planning to keep quiet about the food hygiene issue so as to avoid the risk of offending them.

First sentence of the OP I am going to a family takeaway night tonight with my partner’s family.

Perhaps the family have always used the same takeaway and trust the staff.
We used to eat from a place that didn't have a 5* rating as it was in an old building with uneven floors in the kitchen.

I don't think it would be rude as such. As the host I'd probably just be like okay lets just all order from there then...but I'm easy breazy. Some people are proper weird about things. Getting together with family, eating, drinking, chatting, laughing would be the main thing for me, plus getting to know the new spouse of a family member, I wouldn't care if you wanted to order something different.

I'd just eat what is put in front of me (perhaps not too much of it) and hope for the best. You aren't allergic to anything and you are their guest so it's just good manners.

People who are saying the hygiene ratings don’t matter..the OP says the reviews are bad and people have become ill. Who wouid want to eat there?! Maybe the parents don’t know.

The DP should forward them the reviews

I dont think its rude at all.
What difference does it make .
They order one place you order from another . You all eat in the end.
I also wouldn't go to a place with 3 star . Its just sensible.
I can't believe so many comments on here. Has noone ever been in social situation and you order from more then one place ? Based on people's taste and diet requirements?? . Its not a big deal.

This. Its not difficult and it's not rude!

So many strange and uptight people commenting!

It wouldn't bother me at all, a good host wants their guests to enjoy themselves and have a pleasant meal. No way would I want anyone to be forcing down food they didnt like, or that may make them feel unwell, that's just bonkers.

It's not like a family member is cooking, it's a takeaway and so easy for everyone to get what they like from wherever they like.

Yes I think you should do it.
If you speak up this time it will be easier next time. Whether they find it odd or rude depends on their values.
My values would be that I would want to be accommodating to someone rather than have them struggle with the food that was on offer and I would not find it rude.

And that would be bloody ridiculous. Fuck sake.

If sharing food with vegetarians or someone with another diet restriction then making sure that person has enough to eat is pretty obvious. Just order some extra noodles or whatever for them.

Also, @Christmas20I don’t have OCD or food anxiety but I wouldn’t use somewhere with a 3 rating,

Tell your partner and decide what to do.

I don’t think it’s rude. I would understand someone wanting more options from a different place. Also, would go out of my way to make you feel comfortable as it’s the first time you’ll be meeting them.

I don't think it's rude either. You are picking it up so it's easy enough to organize to pick up at the same time as the Chinese food because it's in the same street.

Just say it's because you're vegetarian and there's more choice at the other place.

No one would bat an eyelid among my friends and family if someone did this.

Otherwise, you could do what others have suggested and eat something beforehand and then pick something innocuous from the chinese and just pick at it. You could also bring snacks or whatever to share after the meal.

I can’t see the problem here at all. Order what you like from where you want. I wouldn’t want anyone to eat something they dont feel comfortable with for any reason. And I wouldn’t take huge offence for it or think you are being difficult. You are all grown ups who can make choices and that includes not being offended by what another adult wishes to eat.

I wouldn't order from a take away restaurant with a rating of 3 for food hygiene, emetophobia or not.
You can't tell them that though.
Wondering if you could just bring your own food to reheat there? You don't really have to justify yourself, just say you're a bit fussy with food. It could come across as odd but if they're open people it should be fine.

If you are paying you can do what you want.

If anyone thinks it is rude then that’s their problem.

There’s no need to be this rigid over a bloody takeaway.

Have you actually spoken to DP about this @Christmas20 and what did he say?

Perhaps just frame it as allergies and intolerances and “please don’t think me being rude but would you mind if I bring my own from a place where I’ve used before and I know is okay for my dietary needs”

And I would perhaps pick it up on the way and bring it with you and reheat when everyone else’s arrive, rather than overtly ordering from a much nicer place.

and don’t worry - I’ve walked out of a place once that DPs family chose to eat when we arrived and I saw the absolute state of it. got a bit of a roasting but IDGAF

If they have a problem with this, then you have a long and difficult road ahead. If they're normal and don't have a problem with it, it sounds like you'll all get along great.

I wouldn't have a problem with this.