Taking dogs to non dog owners’ houses

[Chickychickybye]

Seen a few threads on this lately.
Why do people think it’s acceptable to bring their dogs to non dog owners’ houses and assume it’s ok?
My MIL does it all the time (means I have to shut my lovely cats away)
DH’s old friend came to stay last year- the night before announced ‘of course the dog is coming’ (I had assumed the dog would not be coming as we have been away with them before and they had dog sitters). Then they were a little annoyed that our said plans- which they were aware of in advance were not dog friendly (museums etc)
Every time I want to meet up with my BFF- she wants to bring her 2 dogs?!
BTW , I am a dog person- my parents
had big labradors when I was growing up

AIBU to think you should not just turn up with your dog

My son is terrified of dogs and anyone that knows us well enough to come to our house is aware of that because if they have a dog it means that we don't go to their house.

If someone turned up with their dog for whatever reason. the dog wouldn't be coming in.

I don’t own a pet but I wouldn’t automatically assume it’s invited everywhere I go. In fact, that’s a massive reason why I don’t have a pet. I wouldn’t like to leave it unattended and if I live alone and am at work, it’s not really fair on the pet to be alone for extended periods of time. I definitely wouldn’t take them everywhere

Maybe because of threads like this? It's the slightly awkward/uncomfortable way people have of asking the question. Putting pressure and expecting somebody to say yes.

FWIW I've always said no. We have a cat. No dogs in the house. Dogs have stayed outside or been left at home. But it was certainly awkward and the implication that I had been rude in some (certainly not all) cases. So I certainly felt uncomfortable.

Maybe instead you assume your dog is not welcome unless the host invites the dog?

And I think hosts of things like Christmas have a responsibility to specify early if dogs are welcome or not. To give time for choices, decisions and planning.

If you're going to someone's house you hopefully know them enough to know if they'd be open to you bringing your dog.

How, though? There can be all kinds of reasons why a person who loves dogs might not want my dog in their home, and that’s fine but I don’t magically know them.

On the BBC website today It’s okay to say no.

To add, I also think it is unfair on the homeowner for the visitor to even ask if they can bring their dog. It makes for an awkward conversation for the homeowner to have to say no

Are people really that lame around here that they can't have a normal conversation with someone and ask a question in such a way that a refusal is clearly welcomed, say know confidently if asked about something, and accept a no with grace as the owner? Not just about dogs, about anything.

I don't think asking to bring a dog into someone's home is a normal conversation, TBH. Very few people I know would do that - to me, it's up on a level with 'how would you feel if I turned up starkers, since Beryl and I recently took up nudism' or 'would it be ok if we came and used your shower since we'll have come from rugby and we're covered in mud'.

By that I mean: yes, there will be some contexts whre you are perfectly happy to welcome Fred and Beryl in the condition in which they came into the world, presumably because you too enjoy a good bit of nudism and they know you will. And there will be contexts where you're actually fine with Cousin Hannah turning up with her three boys in muddy rugby kit, because you're all family and you know the drill.

But honestly, most of the time? These questions won't cross people's minds to ask, and most people won't ever need to formulate a response to them.

If someone wanted your dog to come over, you would already know. Promise.

Not without asking and waiting to see the actual answer.

Your cats ... my husband... he's horribly allergic.

We recently got a puppy and would never dream of taking her to a non dog house. Equally, we have a cat so unless it's summer and we can all be in the garden, others don't bring their dogs to our house. Our previous cat had no problem with dogs but the current one was a feral and is fine with ours but we couldn't put him through lots of dogs.

I don't want to bring my dog visiting with me anyway, so you won't get that question from me, but I can relate to the shower one. Someone once asked me if her husband could come after his messy, powdery job and use my bathroom, so he wouldn't have to drive half an hour home to do it before having to go somewhere else nearby. Personally, the shower thing isn't anything I'd ever ask anyone, but they did. I didn't feel comfortable with it for several reasons, so I just said no, doesn't work for me. The end, we moved forward. I just don't see why it has to be so hard to have these kinds of conversations.

There's nothing wrong with dogs. There's nothing wrong with not wanting others' dogs in your home.
There IS something wrong with CF's.

If someone wanted your dog to come over, you would already know. Promise.

Thats not true for everyone. I just sometimes haven’t thought to say ‘bring your dog’, but I’m very happy for dogs to be here and have been since we no longer had cats. I’d rather they asked me than put their dog in kennels or said they couldn’t come as I love dogs. If for any reason I didn’t want the dog there, I’m an adult and can say no. I did once say no because we had decorators in and didn’t want the dog getting in the way. They asked, I said no, they said no problem.

YANBU but the attitude towards dogs has changed, I think especially since Covid.

I have some friends who have 3 dogs and they very rarely meet up with us, never late at night, and only for a couple of hours at a time, on days when they have nothing else, because of the dogs. I find it a bit strange tbh because before Covid they used to go to work from 8am to 6pm every day and the dogs were fine.

Hopefully Covid made them realise how cruel they were to leave their dogs for 10 hours. Thats awful.

Well it seems attitudes have changed as a society because plenty of dog owners used to work full time out of the house and for most people that was 8-6, Mon-Fri. Maybe dogs have become more emotionally fragile!

I completely agree. I love dogs. However I don’t have my own. I have a friend who used to hate dogs, now she has her own and it has to come everywhere. I don’t see her anymore because we live about 70 miles apart and she won’t do anything that doesn’t involve the dog. So all our previous activities are now limited to a walk and a drink. I too have a cat and wouldn’t want people to assume they can bring their dogs over.

Plenty of shit dog owners maybe. Who are you mixing with?

We and most of our friends have dogs, it’s a mix of having lots of people in the house so someone is usually around, working from home (and have done since pre covid), have family who have the dog whilst they work and some use dog daycare once a week. None of us have ever left our dogs alone for more than 4 hours and that’s not a regular thing. No decent owners left their dogs for 10 hours a day pre or post Covid.

Dogs have always needed company, sounds like you just know a lot of shit owners.

Shut the dog away, not the cats.

Likewise- or the friend suggests an outdoor dog friendly activity if they like my dog but don’t want her in their home.

It’s very rare that nobody wants to meet her - on this occasion I will get a sitter.

Since my mum died my stepdad got a huge lurcher cross great Dane. He can't ever leave him at all because it was mistreated. Do in the year and a bit he's visited twice, brought the dog and had to stand in the garden with it. My 2 autistic sons hate dogs so don't come and say hello so it's a very pointless exercise