Taking dogs to non dog owners’ houses

[Chickychickybye]

Seen a few threads on this lately.
Why do people think it’s acceptable to bring their dogs to non dog owners’ houses and assume it’s ok?
My MIL does it all the time (means I have to shut my lovely cats away)
DH’s old friend came to stay last year- the night before announced ‘of course the dog is coming’ (I had assumed the dog would not be coming as we have been away with them before and they had dog sitters). Then they were a little annoyed that our said plans- which they were aware of in advance were not dog friendly (museums etc)
Every time I want to meet up with my BFF- she wants to bring her 2 dogs?!
BTW , I am a dog person- my parents
had big labradors when I was growing up

AIBU to think you should not just turn up with your dog

My Dad was a dog handler in RAF. Family motto to this day , "If you don't want my dog , equally you don't want me either . If my dog doesn't like you, it's far more perceptive than a human ." Enjoy time with your dog , forget everyone else . A dog IS family .

Well I'm darn sure I would not like someone as selfish as this!

People need to ask and be willing to accept the answer no. But if your MIL has been before with her dog, I can see why she would assume it’s still okay. You need to make that clearer.

Correction; taking dogs to anyone's house without permission, not just non dog owners. My dog is an elderly rescue with a heart condition and someone once brought their lively beagle pup round assuming I'd be ok because I have a dog. Er, nope. Fuck off .

No, YANBU. I have two big dogs and they only come with me to someone's home where the person has actually asked for them to come, and I know that they mean it. I would rather decline than even ask if I could bring them along, if I couldn't work out the logistics of leaving them at home (eg overnighters or long day trips).
On the flip side, someone once brought their dog to mine without asking - and I didn't appreciate that at all. Not all dogs like canine visitors/ dogs can be ill or on enforced rest like one of mine is right now. Mine were fine but it was not a restful visit for us at all as we had to constantly keep managing the interaction.

We’ve got a 40kg lurcher. I wouldn’t dream of taking him to anyone’s house whether they had a dog or not.

It's rude to ask as a lot of people are people pleasers/don't want to be rude/being put on the spot.

If they want the dog there, they'll extend the invite, if it hasn't been invited, don't take it.

We have dogs and would be fine with anyone bringing their dog to our house. I don’t always think to say ‘oh feel free to bring your dog’, so I’d rather they ask than just presume we wouldn’t like it and leave their dog at home, put them in kennels etc.

People need to be able to say no and others need to accept the word no.

I’m a dog owner and other dog owners seem to think they can just turn up to my house with their dogs. Drives me mad. My dog doesn’t moult and is a chronic resource guarder with other dogs, so it means having to pick up all his toys/bowls/beds before I can let another dog in, and often clean up dog hair when they’ve gone. My family are the worse for this. Won’t go anywhere without their dog, even for 3 hours on Christmas Day when they live 15 minutes away!

I’d never assume my dog was welcome in anyone’s house and am happy to leave him home for a few hours anyway.

We have a big hairy lab, wouldn't dream of taking him to someone's house apart from perhaps my parents, he's only ever been in the breeders, ours and doggy day cares home in his 5 years. My brother brings his dog here every time they visit, does my fucking tits in, I think they've got the point now as last time I was raging at the wee humping whiney bastard.

We trained guide dog pups when I was growing up, I think out of 6 of them the only house they ever entered was my grans.

So annoying.

it wasn’t like this when i was a kid. people always left their dogs at home

what has changed?

In laws are bringing their dog on boxing day. I really wish they wouldn’t but apparently, it cant be left for more than 2-3 hours

I don't want dogs in my house. Please don't ask, as then I feel uncomfortable about saying no. I may even pretend to be pleased (I'm not).

I don't bring my cat or my horse to your house. Because they are mine, my responsibility. They are not part of your social circle. And tbh it would be just a little weird😉

I am a dog owner, and I would never assume I could take my dogs to someone else’s house, @Chickychickybye - I would only take them if they were specifically invited.

And even though I love dogs, I would prefer it if other dog owners either waited for their dogs to be invited, or checked with us first - because not all dogs get on.

Not being able to say no is on you. I will always ask, and respect a no. But I’m not going to assume that I know what your answer will be.

My in laws do this. We said yes when the dog was a puppy. They then thought this was always an invitation.

Bit rude. Personally I think if you have to ask 'can I bring my dog' you already know the hosts preference. You just think your dog is more important.

Dog entitlement is a thing.

I'm beyond amazed you're still having this issue when you have cats. The problem is you've got to set boundaries at the start really. Once you allow it it becomes an expectation.

I'd start saying 'he can come but only if he'll be okay being shut in the room because I've decided it's not fair on my cats to be shut away in their own home to accommodate visitors.'

I also think people shouldn't ask, because it puts you in an awkward situation. If you wanted the dog there you'd invite it!

My brother likes to bring his dog everywhere, we don't let dogs in the house since having a child as we don't want outdoor dirt everywhere with our kid and don't want to have to put away her toys. Also we have artifical grass so they'd have to take dog out front to go toilet. It's our choice.
it means we also have to accept 'well we can't come because you don't have space for the dog ' Which can be frustrating cos they only live 30 min drive away.

But theyll also say 'you havent invited us round' so ill say of course youre welcome.
well we need to bring rover.
and then it circles again.
They've even given my nan framed photos of it. She's like... why do I want this lol

I would absolutely never turn up to anyone’s house dog people or not with my own dogs without seeking permission and even then I’d be mindful of doing it. My dogs are pretty anti social and like their own home and comforts. The only place we ever go but always announced is to my Mums house because I know they can’t get out, will be spoilt with treats and then are left alone.

Quite! Imagine if someone wanted to bring their pet lizard, pet chicken or whatever 😅.
Unfortunately some rely on putting their hosts on the spot even though they're aware of them being uncomfortable.

It's the you don't mind do you, otherwise he/she'll be alone at home?

And others wouldn't be fine with anyone bringing their dogs, that's the point of the thread.

Surely most dog owners wouldn't be like that? I'd never bring my dog anywhere unless I had good reason to, and if I'd checked first. I also wouldn't expect anyone to assume they could bring their dog to my house.

But also some apparently aren’t fine with anyone asking. So we’re just supposed to know by osmosis but also not make assumptions!

Which is why it should be ok to ask, as long as you listen when the answer is no. People can’t just know if it’s ok or not, and it’s ridiculous that some people think it’s rude to ask a question because they’re incapable of saying no! I honestly don’t know how some people cope with life if they can’t cope with being asked a question, feel they always have to say yes, or on the other side, can’t deal with being told no.