Page 5 | Taking dogs to non dog owners’ houses

Chickychickybye · 2025-12-06T07:16:09+00:00

Seen a few threads on this lately. Why do people think it’s acceptable to bring their dogs to non dog owners’ houses and assume it’s ok? My MIL does it all the time (means I have to shut my lovely cats away) DH’s old friend came to stay last year- the night before announced ‘of course the dog is coming’ (I had assumed the dog would not be coming as we have been away with them before and they had dog sitters). Then they were a little annoyed that our said plans- which they were aware of in advance were not dog friendly (museums etc) Every time I want to meet up with my BFF- she wants to bring her 2 dogs?! BTW , I am a dog person- my parents had big labradors when I was growing up AIBU to think you should not just turn up with your dog

TheDogAteTheElf · 08/12/2025 00:48

bridgetreilly · 08/12/2025 00:37

But also some apparently aren’t fine with anyone asking. So we’re just supposed to know by osmosis but also not make assumptions!

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It’s madness. 🤣

YeOldeGreyhound · 08/12/2025 00:56

It is just basic manners to ask.
I think it should be the same with kids too. Ask if you can bring them. Or anyone else really. I would like to know the exact numbers if people are visiting me, and I would like the chance to say no if I feel uncomfortable with it too.

PopandFizz · 08/12/2025 01:00

TheDogAteTheElf · 08/12/2025 00:48

Which is why it should be ok to ask, as long as you listen when the answer is no. People can’t just know if it’s ok or not, and it’s ridiculous that some people think it’s rude to ask a question because they’re incapable of saying no! I honestly don’t know how some people cope with life if they can’t cope with being asked a question, feel they always have to say yes, or on the other side, can’t deal with being told no.

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If you're going to someone's house you hopefully know them enough to know if they'd be open to you bringing your dog.

So many people take great offence at not being able to bring their dog or the dog is a breaking point on whether they could attend.
If they actively want the dog there, they'll ask you if you're bringing the dog.
If the dog has been before, it's ok to ask.

It's hard to say no to people if you don't have a 'justifiable reason' like an allergy. People treat their dogs like kids nowadays, it's quite difficult to say 'I'd prefer if you didn't bring your dog' as people take great offence.

ohnotthisagain2020 · 08/12/2025 01:00

It's appalling manners to turn up at someone's home with your dog and expect it to be allowed in, unless you have asked and they have agreed beforehand. Leave the dog at home, or ask first - always.

And accept no for an answer if the answer is no.

You're in no way being unreasonable.

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 08/12/2025 01:07

TheDogAteTheElf · 08/12/2025 00:48

Which is why it should be ok to ask, as long as you listen when the answer is no. People can’t just know if it’s ok or not, and it’s ridiculous that some people think it’s rude to ask a question because they’re incapable of saying no! I honestly don’t know how some people cope with life if they can’t cope with being asked a question, feel they always have to say yes, or on the other side, can’t deal with being told no.

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Not being able to say no doesn't mean people can't cope with life.
Lots of reasons why some find it difficult, but bottom line is were all different.

Why put your host on the spot, dog wasn't invited.

Friendlygingercat · 08/12/2025 01:33

If you brought your dog to my house the door would not be opened. I dont hate dogs but I choose not to have one. My house, my rules.

TheDogAteTheElf · 08/12/2025 01:40

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 08/12/2025 01:07

Not being able to say no doesn't mean people can't cope with life.
Lots of reasons why some find it difficult, but bottom line is were all different.

Why put your host on the spot, dog wasn't invited.

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Because like I say, I just don’t always think to offer, because I’m not always thinking about their dog, but ask me and I’d say yes. When we had cats, I’d have said no. It should be fine to ask.

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 08/12/2025 01:51

TheDogAteTheElf · 08/12/2025 01:40

Because like I say, I just don’t always think to offer, because I’m not always thinking about their dog, but ask me and I’d say yes. When we had cats, I’d have said no. It should be fine to ask.

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It should be fine to ask.

It may be to you, but doesn't make it universal.
Some PP have said they hate being asked and given reasons, so not sure why you feel their views aren't valid.

You don't have to agree with it or try to convince people to be fine with being asked.

TheDogAteTheElf · 08/12/2025 01:55

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 08/12/2025 01:51

It should be fine to ask.

It may be to you, but doesn't make it universal.
Some PP have said they hate being asked and given reasons, so not sure why you feel their views aren't valid.

You don't have to agree with it or try to convince people to be fine with being asked.

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And that is why I said that I question how they cope with life. This is basic communication.

ohnotthisagain2020 · 08/12/2025 02:03

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 08/12/2025 01:07

Not being able to say no doesn't mean people can't cope with life.
Lots of reasons why some find it difficult, but bottom line is were all different.

Why put your host on the spot, dog wasn't invited.

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Well, you see, it's to bulldoze over their boundaries.

If they really cared at all about their host they would text them and carefully say something like "Would it be ok if I brought my pet dog? Totally understand if the answer is no and won't be offended, but had to ask :)"

I say text because that give a person a chance to think and say no thanks. When my kids were young, several of my friend group used to babysit for one another from time to time but the rule was we TEXTED the request, so nobody ever felt strong armed into it.

I 100% guarantee that when the dog worshippers pop the question, as it were, it''s more like "Oh you don't mind if I bring Prince Wuffles along do you? I know you wouldn't want him to pine for a whole 90 minutes?! Oh, and do you mind asking your kids not to pet him, he bites strangers?! Thanks awfully!"

Or they just turn up and try to bullshit their way in.

It's never ok to try to bulldoze over anybody's boundaries, so a note to all decent dog owners - ask politely and be prepared to hear the word "No" without a tantrum and a letter to the editor

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 08/12/2025 02:04

TheDogAteTheElf · 08/12/2025 01:55

And that is why I said that I question how they cope with life. This is basic communication.

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Again, to you it may be basic, but surely you can comprehend that as people, we're all different.

TheDogAteTheElf · 08/12/2025 02:05

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 08/12/2025 02:04

Again, to you it may be basic, but surely you can comprehend that as people, we're all different.

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Yes, but they must struggle to cope in life. Being unable to say no would make people incredibly vulnerable.

ohnotthisagain2020 · 08/12/2025 02:08

TheDogAteTheElf · 08/12/2025 02:05

Yes, but they must struggle to cope in life. Being unable to say no would make people incredibly vulnerable.

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You have agreed to things you didn't want to do in your life because you were surprised by the request and/or didn't want to offend.

Yes, you definitely have. Everyone has. You're not unique.

That is made far more difficult when it is a family member taking the piss, as the OP describes.

If, however, it is a regular piss take then yes they have to figure out a way to say no.

But don't pretend you don't get it, or don't understand the issue that some people have with refusing unreasonable requests, because you definitely do.

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 08/12/2025 02:13

TheDogAteTheElf · 08/12/2025 02:05

Yes, but they must struggle to cope in life. Being unable to say no would make people incredibly vulnerable.

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It's possible to be successful in life but still struggle with close relationships.

Are you saying we should all be the same?

Having challenges doesn't necessarily mean struggling in life.
Many people can eg, run a company but can't stand up to their husband/mother/siblings or friends.

It's not mutually exclusive.

TheDogAteTheElf · 08/12/2025 02:16

I do understand some people find it difficult, but they need to overcome it. Once you start to say what you actually mean, it becomes easier every time you do it.
And it’s definitely easier to say no and have that awkwardness for a few minutes than to end up with a dog in your house for hours/days.

People need to be able to communicate effectively and put themselves first.

BungleandGeorge · 08/12/2025 02:30

yea Some people are vulnerable, people pleasing often comes from a history of trauma, being bullied, abusive childhood etc. surely the people who should be criticised and told to change are the ones trying to walk all over their supposed friends and loved ones. It says a lot about a person if they are inconsiderate enough of your feelings to show up with an uninvited pet, even worse if they keep doing it whilst knowing you have to shut your own pets away to accommodate them.

ohnotthisagain2020 · 08/12/2025 02:33

BungleandGeorge · 08/12/2025 02:30

yea Some people are vulnerable, people pleasing often comes from a history of trauma, being bullied, abusive childhood etc. surely the people who should be criticised and told to change are the ones trying to walk all over their supposed friends and loved ones. It says a lot about a person if they are inconsiderate enough of your feelings to show up with an uninvited pet, even worse if they keep doing it whilst knowing you have to shut your own pets away to accommodate them.

Yep. Bullies smell gentleness and love to stomp all over it. And it can be particularly difficult to stand up to family members for all sorts of reasons.

OP should learn to stand up to this woman, for her own sake, but it in no way indicates that she does not have a useful, successful life just because her MIL is doing the wrong thing. It's absolutely the fault of the bullying MIL, not the OP.

2021x · 08/12/2025 02:43

I would agree but also add issues with people controlling their dogs when they are off the lead. I walk through a park where people walk there dogs and most of them do not come back when they are called by their owners.

Today this G.Retriever came gamboling up even though was being called and it jumped straight at me nearly knocking me over. I was clearly uncomfortable and the owner didn't even chase it or even acknolwedge or apologise. A couple of weeks ago there was a terrier being territorial- growling and barking- and the owner said they were just playing.

ohnotthisagain2020 · 08/12/2025 03:02

2021x · 08/12/2025 02:43

I would agree but also add issues with people controlling their dogs when they are off the lead. I walk through a park where people walk there dogs and most of them do not come back when they are called by their owners.

Today this G.Retriever came gamboling up even though was being called and it jumped straight at me nearly knocking me over. I was clearly uncomfortable and the owner didn't even chase it or even acknolwedge or apologise. A couple of weeks ago there was a terrier being territorial- growling and barking- and the owner said they were just playing.

Edited

I carry Deep Heat spray with me now. I have a bad back.

banananas1999 · 08/12/2025 03:11

ThankYouNigel · 06/12/2025 07:34

YANBU, but I am amazed you allow this. I will not allow my sister to bring her dogs to my home and she respects that. It’s your home- enforce your expectations!

I think modern day dog owners are creating all sorts of anxiety issues in their dogs by taking them everywhere and treating them like people- they are not, they are animals. Nobody did this when we were children, it is very entitled.

Yeah,drop a hysterical toddler into a nursery for 8hrs+ every day into the care of strangers and be more concerned about fur babys mental health and anxiety and make sure he is not out of sight

TheDogAteTheElf · 08/12/2025 03:35

BungleandGeorge · 08/12/2025 02:30

yea Some people are vulnerable, people pleasing often comes from a history of trauma, being bullied, abusive childhood etc. surely the people who should be criticised and told to change are the ones trying to walk all over their supposed friends and loved ones. It says a lot about a person if they are inconsiderate enough of your feelings to show up with an uninvited pet, even worse if they keep doing it whilst knowing you have to shut your own pets away to accommodate them.

Of course people shouldn’t just turn up with their pet, but people should be able to ask, (it’s not bullying to ask, unless you already know the person doesn’t want the dog there) the other person needs to be able to say no if they don’t want the pet there and the pet owner needs to listen without taking offence if the answer is no.

PollyBell · 08/12/2025 03:43

BungleandGeorge · 08/12/2025 02:30

yea Some people are vulnerable, people pleasing often comes from a history of trauma, being bullied, abusive childhood etc. surely the people who should be criticised and told to change are the ones trying to walk all over their supposed friends and loved ones. It says a lot about a person if they are inconsiderate enough of your feelings to show up with an uninvited pet, even worse if they keep doing it whilst knowing you have to shut your own pets away to accommodate them.

No I do not agree dogs should be taken and no people should not ask BUT people also need to learn to say no that is on them if they cant and the word vulnerable is way overused

lookingfornotifications · 08/12/2025 05:47

I wouldn't ask because I wouldn't want to bring my dog. I want to relax with whoever I'm visiting, not deal with my dog.

The only time I might ask is if we have a day where the temperature is 40+ degrees. Then I don't leave my dogs at home alone. Even if I want to go out by myself, I stay home. Sometimes on very hot days the power can cut off and it's too dangerous to risk leaving the dogs in that. If the power cuts off, the air conditioner cuts off, and the house temperature can rise quickly. Just part of being a responsible dog owner.

I don't think I'd ask actually. I'd just say that due to the high temperatures I need to stay home to make sure the dogs are safe. They are welcome to my house instead. Or we catch up another time. Maybe they'll tell me to bring the dogs, which I'd consider, but it wouldn't be my preference.

XWKD · 08/12/2025 06:01

You are not being unreasonable.

I have no dog, but I love when dogs come to visit. My friends understand that I love their dogs, and wouldn't dream of brining them otherwise.

Empress13 · 08/12/2025 06:18

No way would I take my dog unless I asked first if I couldn’t leave him for whatever reason. It’s rude just say no in future they’ll soon get the message