Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking dogs to non dog owners’ houses

146 replies

Chickychickybye · 06/12/2025 07:16

Seen a few threads on this lately.
Why do people think it’s acceptable to bring their dogs to non dog owners’ houses and assume it’s ok?
My MIL does it all the time (means I have to shut my lovely cats away)
DH’s old friend came to stay last year- the night before announced ‘of course the dog is coming’ (I had assumed the dog would not be coming as we have been away with them before and they had dog sitters). Then they were a little annoyed that our said plans- which they were aware of in advance were not dog friendly (museums etc)
Every time I want to meet up with my BFF- she wants to bring her 2 dogs?!
BTW , I am a dog person- my parents
had big labradors when I was growing up

AIBU to think you should not just turn up with your dog

OP posts:
TwooooDoooozenRoses · 06/12/2025 08:07

So very rude to impose your dog on someone else, particularly in their own home. I don’t get this fad for having dogs every-fucking-where anyway, it’s annoying and frankly gross. I don’t think dogs should be shut away for hours and hours a day but taking them to cafes and shopping centres etc is taking the piss. And I say that as someone with several dogs who I adore!

Bess91 · 06/12/2025 08:08

It's really easy to say "sorry, the dog can't come in the house, I have cats". No one brings a dog to my house. If you keep letting people in with dogs, I'm not sure why you're surprised every time it happens?

ThankYouNigel · 06/12/2025 08:13

HereforonedayonlytoavoidStrangerThingsspoilers · 06/12/2025 08:05

Hmm. I think “back in the good old days” people didn’t realise the impact of leaving dogs alone for long stretches - yes, they are animals but they suffer stress and anxiety like any mammal and mitigating that and not being cruel is part of being a responsible dog owner.

But I agree they don’t need to go everywhere. I WFH but regularly go out to ensure dog has alone time and therefore doesn’t have separation anxiety.

Show quote history

I meant in the past people had no issue leaving dogs to pop out to visit someone else’s home for a few hours.

I actually disagree entirely with people having dogs who don’t really have the time to spend with them, it is cruel to leave them alone all day. When I was a child the only people who had dogs were retired or homemakers. WFH makes sense, as you can interact, let them outside, walk them in breaks, etc. My mum only had a dog when she worked mornings only, she spent the early afternoon on long walks and was then at home. My sister leaves her dogs alone all day in a cramped studio, there is no space and one is big. It’s very cruel, and more about the adult wants than the dog’s needs.

Tutorpuzzle · 06/12/2025 08:14

ItstimmmmmmmmeeechristmasWOOP · 06/12/2025 07:20

Ah my parents are like this with their dog, it goes everywhere we go. We’ve also got a newish dog, she 1 now, I just couldn’t imagine taking her everywhere we went! We pay for kennels (if going away for the night - which is rare!) or if out for the day she is crate trained and we have a walker pop in to let her out!
Ive never once thought “Oh I’ll take X to lunch with me” 😂unless it was a specified let’s go for a dog walk and grab lunch type of meeting!

Your poor dog. Stuck in a cage all day.

Describing it as a ‘crate’ just makes it easier to justify using them.

LighthouseLED · 06/12/2025 08:16

gogomomo2 · 06/12/2025 07:49

Some people come as a package deal, they want to bring dogs, just say no if you don’t want them in your house but expect them not to come. If you have a visitor bringing a dog, just do activities more suitable like walking rather than museum visits

Walking and museums are hardly equivalent activities

Ghostloger · 06/12/2025 08:17

This is currently a huge issue for me. My BFF will bring her dog to mine everytime. We have 3 cats and have to shut them away when her dog is here. If i say don't bring the dog she gets funny 'oh I can't come to yours then'. Its causing massive issues
She popped over last week to pick up something.. I opened the door and there She was with the dog. She was only popping over for 10 mins.

Lurkingandlearning · 06/12/2025 08:17

I was trying to think of an equivalent imposition you could inflict on them as a a teaching moment for them to realise what arseholes they are. Maybe turn up at their house with a couple of bags of laundry and expect it to be ok to wash it while you are there. It would be taking liberties with their hospitality but still wouldn’t be as annoying as an unwanted dog.

HereforonedayonlytoavoidStrangerThingsspoilers · 06/12/2025 08:18

ThankYouNigel · 06/12/2025 08:13

I meant in the past people had no issue leaving dogs to pop out to visit someone else’s home for a few hours.

I actually disagree entirely with people having dogs who don’t really have the time to spend with them, it is cruel to leave them alone all day. When I was a child the only people who had dogs were retired or homemakers. WFH makes sense, as you can interact, let them outside, walk them in breaks, etc. My mum only had a dog when she worked mornings only, she spent the early afternoon on long walks and was then at home. My sister leaves her dogs alone all day in a cramped studio, there is no space and one is big. It’s very cruel, and more about the adult wants than the dog’s needs.

Edited
Show quote history

Our NDN do the same as your sister, albeit in a bigger house. They go to work around 8am and sometimes aren’t back until 7pm and they are too tightfisted to pay for a walker to pop in. My heart breaks for the dog and I think daily of calling the RSPCA but I was told they wouldn’t do anything.

Icecreamandcoffee · 06/12/2025 08:19

It is rude to take your dog to a non dog owners house unless they have also explicitly invited the dog too. No matter how well groomed and bathed your dog is, they shed. At this time of year, when everything is wet and muddy they trail mud and wet paw prints into the house. You have to be really on top of cleaning and drying paws (and sometimes legs and tummies or even the whole dog) to prevent it. That means cleaning and drying paws and fur after every wee, outside sniff and explore, every walk.

It is also rude to take your dog to someone's house even if they also have a dog, unless the dog is explicitly invited. Not all dogs like other dogs in their spaces, not all dogs get along. If they have more than one dog, they can enter pack mentally. Different dogs play differently and have different energy levels.

It's different if you are meeting a friend/ relative with explicit dog plans e.g. we will have a dog walk and pub lunch or we will go to x place with the dogs. However if you are just meeting for food and drink or out for the day or just to their house then fido is best left at home.

Dearg · 06/12/2025 08:24

Love my dogs - but I know not everyone else does.

Unless someone tells me to take them, they have to stay home. Thats ok, they are used to short periods in the house alone ( but not in cages)
If the invitation is for longer, I find someone to look after them, or I decline.

If you are coming to my house, be aware I have dogs - they are generally accepting of other animals, but if your dog can’t handle that, leave it at home.

YANBU , it’s generally the numpties with the untrained, poorly socialised dogs, who want them to go everywhere.

Bearbookagainandagain · 06/12/2025 08:25

It would be a hard no for us. We've had my FIL dog for a few hours in the garden for a quick visit (and they kept it close to them as the kids were playing and it's a big dog), but anything beyond that is no, particularly in the house.

We're just not set up for pets, and have allergies. It would be same for cats or any free roaming animals. Not specifically dogs.

icantbelieveitsnotcake · 06/12/2025 08:27

I am a dog owner and not once have I ever taken her to someone else's house.

Why would I?- it's rude. I might take her if they specifically asked to see her as she resembles a real life teddy bear but otherwise no.

I kinda wish we would stop with these generalisations though - just because you know one dog owner that does this doesnt mean we all do 😬

On the other hand, if you come to my house then you have to accept she is part of my family and I am not locking her away. Works both ways.

Herewegoagainandagainandagain · 06/12/2025 08:28

When we had our dog, if invites meant we couldn’t leave him that long we would just decline, saying sorry can’t make it, or sounds great but we’ll need to leave early to get back to the dog. Most family, and close friends would say bring him as he was very well behaved.

It is all part of responsible dog ownership, they are a huge commitment and can sometimes restrict your flexibility. We would have never left our dog crated for a day with just walkers popping in, that is irresponsible. If we were out for the full day he went to a home boarder.

OhDear111 · 06/12/2025 08:33

When we had a dog, we asked if it was ok when friends had a dog too. If they had cats, we would assume no. Others, we knew it was no. Others without any pets liked our dog and he was invited. However we’ve seen a few friends who see their dog as babies. Unfortunately the dog goes everywhere they go. They are the ones with no manners and don’t see their dogs aren’t always welcome.

MarchInHappiness · 06/12/2025 08:36

I had a small dog, most of the time he went to the kennels but he would come with us when we stayed with my parents.

If I went to one of my brother's for a bbq or cuppa (he lived near my parents) I would tie him up on their driveway or keep him in the car. He okayed that. No way in hell would I expect him to run around their lawn or inside their house.

We wouldnt stay that long either as it wasnt fair on our dog.

CautiousLurker2 · 06/12/2025 08:37

Chickychickybye · 06/12/2025 07:16

Seen a few threads on this lately.
Why do people think it’s acceptable to bring their dogs to non dog owners’ houses and assume it’s ok?
My MIL does it all the time (means I have to shut my lovely cats away)
DH’s old friend came to stay last year- the night before announced ‘of course the dog is coming’ (I had assumed the dog would not be coming as we have been away with them before and they had dog sitters). Then they were a little annoyed that our said plans- which they were aware of in advance were not dog friendly (museums etc)
Every time I want to meet up with my BFF- she wants to bring her 2 dogs?!
BTW , I am a dog person- my parents
had big labradors when I was growing up

AIBU to think you should not just turn up with your dog

I’m a dog owner, with lots of dog owning friends. Not one of us assume it is acceptable to expect our dogs to be welcome in anyone else's home, be they dog owner or not.

Even when expressly invited to bring them I rarely do as it is unfamiliar to my dog and animals are unpredictable in new spaces.

So I am always bemused when I read threads where people take umbrage that their dog, however lovely, is not invited or was not welcomed. You get a dog, you understand that you have to change your life to fit around it.

Mischance · 06/12/2025 08:40

It's quite bonkers.

My SisIL once asked if she could bring her dog when she visited - we said no - and she brought it anyway!

And then accused us of cruelty because the dog had to stay in the car!

For some it is almost as if the dog is another limb .......

ArcticGrass · 06/12/2025 08:42

I’d never take the dog to someone’s house unless they were completely on board with it. Close friend who loves dogs won’t have them in the house…I only visit with the dog in summer so we can sit outside.

caramac04 · 06/12/2025 08:42

When we go out our dogs have the run of our house. They are well behaved and settle. I could shut them in the kitchen but there’s no need.
My dogs mean the world to me. But not to anyone else.
Also, one of mine is big and very furry; he does shed hair so not really acceptable to take him everywhere.
I wouldn’t accept an invitation to be out for more than about 3 hours but I tend to host and family bring their dogs here.

ClaredeBear · 06/12/2025 08:47

I wouldn't allow dogs if I had cats. You’ve allowed people to bring their dogs, which is why they assume they can bring them, it you can let them know it’s not ok.

Coconutter24 · 06/12/2025 08:50

I don’t have dogs or any other pets so no dogs would be welcome in my house or garden so I’d make that very clear to anyone who suggested bringing their dog to my house

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 06/12/2025 09:20

I am a dog owner and I would *never take my dog to friends' houses unless explicitly asked, and even then I'd be on full on close observation mode until we left again!

I also don't feel the need to take my dog wherever I go. There are two pet friendly cafes in my town which I do visit with my dog, but I keep out of other shops.
I saw one in B&Q once! Why?! Leave it at home. Leave it in the car. It's bewildering.

Buscobel · 06/12/2025 09:21

I would expect the fur, shedding and dander to aggravate my asthma, so I would object to be made unwell, to suit someone else’s choice to have a dog. I’d also choose not to go to a house where there are dogs, for the same reason.

I don’t expect people to shut their dogs away. It’s their home, but I hope they’d accept that I choose not to be made unwell.

TheNightingalesStarling · 06/12/2025 09:25

Next time you go their house, say you ate bringing the cats, so obviously they will need to shut the dog up as your cats don't like dogs...

CinnamonBuns67 · 06/12/2025 09:45

It's incredibly rude for people to assume they can bring their dog to someone else's house. Thankfully I've not had it happen at my house but if someone said they was bringing their dog I'd say they can leave the dog at home or don't come. I have an indoor cat and a DD who is terrified of dogs (we are working gradually to help her with this) and I'm not allowing anything in the house that will cause them significant stress.