Taking dogs to non dog owners’ houses

[Chickychickybye]

Seen a few threads on this lately.
Why do people think it’s acceptable to bring their dogs to non dog owners’ houses and assume it’s ok?
My MIL does it all the time (means I have to shut my lovely cats away)
DH’s old friend came to stay last year- the night before announced ‘of course the dog is coming’ (I had assumed the dog would not be coming as we have been away with them before and they had dog sitters). Then they were a little annoyed that our said plans- which they were aware of in advance were not dog friendly (museums etc)
Every time I want to meet up with my BFF- she wants to bring her 2 dogs?!
BTW , I am a dog person- my parents
had big labradors when I was growing up

AIBU to think you should not just turn up with your dog

YANBU , it’s generally the numpties with the untrained, poorly socialised dogs, who want them to go everywhere.

Nailed it

YANBU in the slightest.

Our dog has a permanent "invite" to come with us to several houses but I would never, ever assume he was welcome anywhere else.

Likewise there are a few dogs who have an open invite to our house but there are others I would never, ever allow in.

No idea but they wouldn’t be coming in, my cat hates dogs and even if I shut her away she would be stressed out by any scent left. My friend is popping in when driving past ours this weekend and I have said she can’t bring her dogs in and they have to stay in her car and she is fine with this. It does unfortunately mean she is popping in for 30 minutes and not longer.

YANBU. If someone turned up to my house with a dog, they wouldn’t be coming in!

Yep.
There was a dog at a Christingle service I went to last weekend. Why do people take their dogs into rammed shops in December too?

No you don't just turn up.

You ask, and accept that NO is the owner's decision and accept that with good grace, then make your decision to go or not go accordingly.

If you bring a dog to my house it isn't coming in.

To answer the shop question - normally because it's something we're doing on the way back from a walk, and leaving him in the car isn't an option, nor is leaving him tied up outside.

I live somewhere which is SUPER dog friendly (Lake District) and I've been practically dragged into shops with my dog before because the assistants want to say hello

I have relatives like this….its so rude and annoying! I love dogs and have 2, however i don’t take them to other peoples homes. I also cannot stand the new trend of taking dogs when you go out shopping. Do these people seriously believe their dogs enjoy the crowds and shops?

You just say no. My DH has an allergy and I don’t want someone’s animal just roaming around on my cream carpets and stinking the place up. If they turned up with one it would be their problem to solve because it wouldn’t be allowed to come through the front door.

Sorry op, but your MIL and CFs like her do it because people like you lock away their cats and accommodate it. If people are bringing dogs into your house it’s because you’re allowing it.

Absolutely. I love dogs, have been a dog owner, stop to talk to dogs.....but would NOT take to a non-dog house or ever take dog on a social meet up unless it was discussed beforehand. I used to meet up with a friend for nice lunches and shopping trips, now we can only meet sitting outside at a park cafe because of their dog, which seems a shame.

Yeah 100% this. Myself and my DH went over to his old friend's house (we are all 50) where he still lives at home with his parents. Anyway, they got a poodle type dog just before covid hit and the 3 of us all had to sit around his kitchen waiting til his parents got home before we could head off for our dinner reservations. It was crazy but they have never left the dog alone in the house AT ALL for 5 years. I'm honestly getting sick of meeting friends in pubs and they all bring their bloomin dogs with them. I like dogs but I don't want one lying on my knee half the night drooling on my jeans! just cos their dogs are cute doesn't mean I want it out with us for 4 or 5 hours. I feel so sorry for the dogs after a while too. Surely they'd rather be at home than under a table in a noisy crowded pub? Last time we met friends for a drink one friend actually left the bar & drove home just to fetch her dog (dog was at home with her older teenage kids) because another friend turned up with their dog! Then we had 2 dogs with us for hours and hours. Passing the leads about under the table. Letting the dog stretch across half the bar on a long lead bothering people at other tables etc. Both couples could easily have left their dogs at home with their teenagers & both dogs are happy to be left alone too. One said their dog hadn't had his 2nd walk of the day so that's why they brought him (pub was 3 min walk from their house so not exactly a decent walk for a dog).

I once had a babysitter let her male friend into my house with his dog. She confessed to me later when I got home as she knew I wouldn’t like having a dog in my house. I was too annoyed about having a random man in my house to be that bothered by the dog. I love animals, but can’t stand people that think everyone wants their dog running up to them/coming with them everywhere.

I had to tell one of my husband's best friends to leave my house because of this.

Context, I had a smaller bungalow, two of my own dogs. I hosted luncheons every Sunday throughout a particularly harsh Idaho winter (from January to end of Match.) I invited 12 to 24 people each week. Half owned dogs. None brought them except this one man. One other person asked and understood when i said no. He never asked.

I asked politely the first time - my dogs were large, lab sized and so was his. The presence of the third dog meant dogs were constantly milling around. Two guests were uncomfortable with dogs. Two plates were knocked over by his dog.

Second time, I was much harsher. Told him next week to not bring dog under any circumstances, stay home if dog coukdn't be left for alone, but i couldn't have the dog in my house.

Third time, I asked him to leave. My husband, ever the peacemaker, suggested the dog stay in the car and then they'd walk the dogs after food. Totally disrupted lunch, dog barking, me uncomfortable, then husband and friend disappeared for two hours walking dogs.

Fourth time, I flat out said no and asked him to leave.

A month later, he was invited to a movie night by a male friend. He was told he couldn't bring the dog. He didn't bring the dog but came himself for several hours.

At this point my husband apologized as he finally saw his friend for the dick he was.

I never in my wildest dreams would arrive with my dogs unless they were very clearly invited. I've declined invites as my dog was recoverying from an operation but never just turned up with them.

Oh OP, they're not dogs, they're fur babies, silly you 🙄😅

FWIW, we've got 8 dogs but somehow we manage to go places without them. People are absolutely cuckoo about their 'furbabies' nowadays.

I own a dog. I would not assume it’s welcome at other people’s houses or other social gatherings. In fact, I’d assume it wasn’t , even if they were dog people. It changes the dynamic of the meet-up.

I don’t understand it either. And until recently I had two (as well as two cats).
A friend and I were going to Sunday lunch at another’s friends house who has two dogs. My friend brought her dog and while they did lock their dogs away they thought they’d all be ok in the garden. Fight ensued and the hostess was bitten badly enough to draw blood. I never take my dog/dogs anywhere unless specifically asked. They do not have separation anxiety and are perfectly fine on their/her own for a few hours.

I was in an absolutely packed pub today in the middle of a very densely-attended one-day Christmas market. There were 16 dogs of all different sizes in the bar, many of them not on leads, getting under people’s feet and generally looking quite stressed and uncomfortable. I saw one dog get its foot trodden on by someone who was carrying a tray of drinks and didn’t see it. That’s in addition to all the poor mutts outside getting dragged around a rammed Christmas market. There’s no need for it, no benefit to the dog and it’s a bloody nuisance for everyone else. People seem to have lost all common sense around dogs and what is sensible and appropriate. Taking them to other people’s homes without invitation is just one feature of this madness.

We've lost two friendships for this reason, as we've said we can't have dogs in our house as we have cats. They have taken this as a rejection of themselves, whereas actually I think my cats have the right to feel safe in their own home. Friends think we are literally being ridiculous and care too much for our cats.

YANBU.
My house is pet free. When I invite people, I always tell anybody this if I invite them over. If I invite anybody with a dog, I always tell them that they are welcome but their dog isn’t. It is no surprise that most of my friends don’t have dogs.

I have dogs and I’d never dream of taking them to someone’s house unless they specifically told me to bring them. Even if they are doggy people, I wouldn’t encroach on their own dogs home with my dogs.

If I were you, I’d make it very clear that it’s your cats home and you shouldn’t have to lock your cat away when he lives there.

I just wanted let the dog in the house. No way

YANBU.

And if I am happy for someone to bring their dog that does not mean I am happy for it to be on the sofa. Or beds.

We moved house last year and my Dad came over to help. It was always going to be a difficult, stressful day as the chain had collapsed twice and our vendors were horrible. For reasons I will never understand he bought his partner and their new puppy along for the day!! It was a nightmare. The dog was, unsurprisingly, excited and unmanageable and kept weeing in my new house. It would escape everytime a door was opened so my Dad's partner kept running round the house closing doors which was infuriating when we were all lugging boxes and furniture (she didn't lift a finger). The dog kept snapping at people's ankles and got hold of my husbands trouser leg tripping him up as he was carrying things in to the kitchen. The whole day was made 10 times harder by the dog's presence. My Dad's partner hasn't spoken to us since as apparently she felt unwelcome!!

I've spent the last year thinking I was being unreasonable for not being delighted to see the dog but you've made me realise that my reaction was not the problem.

We were at Whitby and went into a place sat down woman sits in the table in front with a bichon it yaps howls barks in the end we got up and as were walking out the server asked why were leaving I said didn't want to hear a rat dog go ballistic while eat while I was looking at maps several others walked out and we could still hear the dog yapping outside
I btw have dogs they're left at home where they belong they sleep thats it