Family Christmas Issue

[ChristmasIssue]

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

I think you also need to say that anyone who is still coming is not to say anything negative about the dog, or ask for the dog to be kept away - I would think there is a good chance these family members will still come and cause a fuss on the day and put pressure on you to bend to their wishes

It sounds to me that you were quite clear from the start that you were staying home for Christmas because of the dog and therefore threw out the invitation to everyone that they were welcome to come and join you.
They accepted that invite knowing that there would be a dog there and now want you to make other arrangements for the dog which defeats the whole object of you staying home!!
You need to reiterate this point to all concerned and make the point that this why you elected to stay home and they are cheeky to even suggest that make other arrangements for the dog. For what it's worth the relative saying that it's too late for them to go anywhere else is being lazy - they could easily stop home and cook their own Xmas dinner!! As for prioritizing the dog over children that was the point of this saga from the start!!
Poor you! Text them all - the dog is staying regardless of their requests and perhaps together they should make their own arrangements for a dog free christmas!! They don't to cook!! Cheeky beggars!!

I think I would just message and say “to be clear, the reason we were hosting and staying home was due to not wanting to leave the dog. If the dog is an issue for anyone then I understand if you no longer want to join us.” And leave it at that, how dare they try to dictate to you about your own home

They are being ridiculously dramatic over a small, quiet dog. Their children will probably adore your dog. Perhaps that's what they are worried about really.

They're acting like you're going to have Nigel Farage in your house.

I'm allergic to dogs and not fond of them anyway
It's my responsibility to decide whether or not to come somewhere, not the owner's, and no way should the owner have to make special arrangements should I chose the grace them with my presence
Your relatives are being utterly over-precious and can go have christmas on their own

Your post doesn't make sense without more punctuation.

Prioritise a dog over a child? "Oh no!," say some, "I will prioritise my child over my dog".

I will prioritise my dog over your or anyone else's child.

OP is not asking these relatives to prioritise her dog over their children, she's expecting them to make their own priorities. Y'know, like adults.

Awww your dog sounds lovely. Your relatives are being incredibly selfish. I hope you figure things out and have a lovely Christmas.

Madness OP. You are definitely not being unreasonable. You stated the situation and they accepted knowing about the dog. To backtrack now is rude. How dare they tell you to put your dog in kennels!!

I”d just say what you were going to - hi all, as you know we chose to sty in our own hone for Christmas as we have (dog name) and we’re not leaving him alone. For anyone who no longer wants to come - please let me know by X date so that I can adjust food plans.

Just to add - it may be easier to just cancel tbh!! But then that’s not fair on any sensible family members who are still ok with the dog (are there any???

How entitled and manipulative of them to pull this! Now triangulating with other family members…how unsurprising.

They don’t seem to be bothered about smoothing things over and not causing a family rift! I would definitely be making it clear that I take it their issues as being they can no longer come…

Dear family, I’m sorry you don’t feel you can come to ours for Christmas because of DDog. However, DDog is now a member of our family and will be here. I appreciate that’s not going to suit everyone so I understand that you’ve chosen to jot come to ours.

Do let us know when you fancy meeting up over the Christmas period for a present swap.

Merry Christmas!

I’d send that and let them stew. To use a MN phrase: “It’s an invitation not a summons.”

You have been completely fair, and I like how your draft message reminds them you need to know numbers because you’re catering for them. As they have been quite entitled in their approach I would be quite firm on your boundaries, “I will not be sending our dog away from his home, this is non-negotiable, both now and in the future. Can I take it that you are now not attending?”

So you wouldn’t accept the original invitation which said they’re staying at home because of the dog, not turn round 3 weeks to go and TELL the host you want their dog ie family member to be elsewhere? When the whole point is that they’re staying home to accommodate the dog?

Uninvite them: as a pp says, they can get together so they’re not ‘alone’ as a single parent (what are their kids? Chopped liver?!)

Op, you are being vvvv unreasonable...
Where is the dog pic?

As an aside, the only thing that would tempt me out of my own house on Christmas day would be the promise of meeting a new dog.
Uninvite the moaners (they will complain about the dog all day) and have a wonderful Christmas.

Also, another issue if my cousin doesn’t come is that we have a few of the children’s Xmas presents here from their mum (Santa) including a new bike and big dolls house. My cousin lives about 100 miles away from us so instead of her having to transport the big gifts here and risk the kids seeing them, she had them delivered here. She asked us last month and we were fine with it, my partner even offered to build them to save my cousin a job and to check all parts were there. So we have a bike and a dolls house fully built and a few other bits in the garage. I know she will be stressing about this and will probably think we’ll have to change our plans because of this but we will just have to send them to her. Just adds to the stress of the whole situation though.

I think your planned response is perfect. They accepted knowing you have a dog, you have offered to keep the dog in a separate room and not around while you are eating which are entirely reasonable.
i wouldn’t be surprised if they have been wittering on about this as a group behind your back for a while and have finally plucked up the courage at this late stage to say something and guilt you into doing what they want. DO NOT feel bad, you made a very generous offer, they have declined and that is the bottom line. All the more relaxing for you and your family - and the dog!

If someone asked me to put my dog in kennels over Christmas to facilitate their visit , they could well and truly get stuffed along with the turkey.

Two word answer
and the second word is ‘off’…

Unbelievable!

‘Sorry, but our dog will be staying. If you’re not happy with that, perhaps you’d better arrange to spend Christmas somewhere else.’

Do like you said, tell them you are sorry they won't be attending. I cannot believe the entitlement of some people. You made things perfectly clear when you invited them. Also as long as your dog isn't jumping all over them and begging at the table I certainly would not be keeping him out of any rooms (with the exception of their bedrooms if they are staying over). Seriously I am angry for you.

OP, there are men with vans who will transport things. I suspect your demanding, needy relative will back down and come with trembling lip to enjoy your hospitality and complain about DDog - just make very clear that if she comes, she is to treat DDog as another member of the family and any complaints about him will unfortunately mean she and DC are required to leave. Ditto other difficult relative. Next year, OP, I’d go away for Christmas with just your family and DDog.

we will just have to send them to her.

You do know that this is ridiculous, surely? You dont HAVE to do anything of the sort.

They can sort it out.

Stop being a martyr and taking on other's responsibilities

That’s her problem not yours. She’ll have to come collect them or arrange for a courier company.

Why do you invite cousins? Er.

I wouldn’t bother making those concessions about dog-free room etc because you know that won’t be enough when they turn up, right? They want the dog banished while they are there and it will be so stressful for your poor pup. Let them pull out of coming.

Yup!

i’ve had a dog for 12 years including while my children were primary age. No-one has ever not visited because of the dog. We had a constant stream of children through the house at one point - a few kids didn’t like or were frightened of her and we easily managed this to everyone’s satisfaction. Of course it’s entirely up to you what you do but suggesting that getting a dog is social suicide is misleading.