Family Christmas Issue

[ChristmasIssue]

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

I’d hate to cancel Christmas plans at this late stage but I fear they will make things very awkward for you. I’d certainly want to reiterate that the dog will be present and if that makes anyone feel uncomfortable then they should change their plans.

You made a reasonable decision to stay at home because of the dog and then kindly invited anyone who wanted to join you to come along.
I would remind those that are moaning that you did this specifically because you had got a new dog. That they were invited to come on that basis. And that if they've changed their minds you're sorry but that's their choice.
You're not prioritising a dog, you're prioritising your family and their needs/wants. Nothing wrong with that.
Your cousin is being ridiculous. Her children don't need to freely move around anyone else's house. And stirring up trouble with other relatives is mean. She's totally in the wrong here not you.

They can fuck right off, frankly.

Well done for standing your ground!

Of course they are being utterly ridiculous.

Sounds like you will have a much nicer Christmas without them if they choose not to come.

Message cousin asking what plans they are making to collect the large gifts, so you can make yourself available for couriers if possible. I wouldn’t offer to arrange or pay for transport.

It will be a disaster if they grudgingly attend now, and will ruin Christmas for you and your family. I wouldn’t give them the option at this point. Just act like it’s a done deal. They aren’t coming.

He sounds like a darling and I think given the choice between him or these relatives, you'll have a much nicer Xmas in the company of the dog. Glad your partner and kids hve their heads screwed on about this too! Unfathomably rude of your relatives.

If you’ve only just gotten your dog this year, I presume it’s a puppy or a rescue. Realistically, it’s probably too soon to host a huge family gathering and for it to not be overwhelming. Our dog was probably 2 before it was easy to have lots of people over without her having to be crated in another room.

But you’ve made the offer and as long as you’re honest about what the set up will be, they can choose to come or not. I probably wouldn’t bring my 2 year old to a busy house with a new dog. Stand firm though on what the arrangements are. They can come or not (but it definitely sounds better all around if it’s a not).

That said, I would definitely put a plan in place for when your dog does get overwhelmed and needs a break from everyone.

I know. I’d be doing it for the kids though. My cousin doesn’t get much help from anyone, the kids dad isn’t involved and I know she feels quite stressed a lot of the time. She’s working right up until the kids finish nursery and school so she won’t have time to pick the presents up from us and if she’s not coming for Xmas, I’d rather her not come here beforehand and have what I think could be an awkward exchange, despite it not being us that has done anything wrong.

Never again though! I’m here just mulling it all over and thinking how have we ended up here.

OP, you were never being unreasonable and you were trying to do a good thing. You know in future never to offer again. Just stay at home with your immediate family and your beautiful dog. To be honest, I would say what @Whoevenarethey says above and state that as the plans don’t seem to suit everyone, you have decided not to host and you are glad there is still enough time for everyone to make other arrangements for Christmas. Job done.

They have been incredibly rude.

I’d send everyone a message saying you’re sorry some have changed their minds about coming to you because they’ve just realised the dog you told them you had back in September will actually be there over Christmas. Ask if everyone who is coming confirms by today so you can finalise your food order tomorrow and leave it at that!

I would maybe add something about "as you know the reason we are staying home is so ddog can stay home for Christmas. Really sorry if you feel this means you can't come!"

And the one with the allergy should have clarified arrangements before accepting if its a deal breaker.

Could you both meet halfway to hand over the items? If not, could you look into evri and what they'd charge? I'd carefully wrap it up with bubble wrap, place in large boxes filled with peanuts. It's not impossible and would get there if sent this week.

If these people had a problem with your dog being in the house they should have said so when you invited them. I suspect they've left it this late thinking you won't cancel on them this close to Christmas. Tell them straight, dog lives there and they accept that or bugger off

Actually this is good. Do it this way.

You and your husband sound like lovely lovely people.
I am not a dog person, no dogs welcome in my house (cats!) but the audacity I’d have to try and dictate what someone does with their pets in their own house. No way.
Honestly, if they keep on I would make the decision for them. “If that’s how you feel I’m sorry you can’t come. If anyone else now can’t make it please let me know now. With this much drama over us offering to do a nice thing, we won’t be offering again”.

We've had a dog for nearly 15 years and it's certainly not curtailed our social life in any way.
If friends/family prefer not, we don't take him to their houses (and I would never ask them - I know who is who). That's their prerogative and entirely reasonable. Most, however, love him and he's welcome to attend. Sometimes though, we might choose not to take him regardless.

Well if you don't uninvite anyone & no one declines, at the first whiff of someone wanting you to do anything that you don't want regarding your dog, I'd pack them off home.

It is entirely their choice. They come to your home, knowing you have a dog. Or they don't.
Your home comes with the dog.
If someone had a fear of dogs, or an allergy perhaps out housing the dog for a day might be possible. But if that is not the scenario, then no.

But OP did make suitable arrangements for "the animal" which happens to be a dog by the way. She is staying home and been kind enough to invite people to her, making it clear why she was doing this. Just because those arrangements don't fit in with some entitled bullys idea of suitable. I would be happy for the cousin and her wandering kids to stay at home.

I wouldn't have your children near my dogs.

I’d suggest that cousin and allergic relative spend Christmas together, that way cousin won’t ‘be spending it alone as a single mum’.

To clarify. Is this a DDog or just a dog ?

I wouldn’t give you the chance to put your animal anywhere near my DC. I’m a responsible parent.

Agree with PP this is fucking mental. You don't accept an invitation where the set up is clearly explained and then last minute say the set up is not good enough!

Also "My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog", just no, I wouldn't want a 7 and a 2 year old moving about my house 'as they wish', they stay in the rooms with the adults or any other rooms they're told they can play in, they don't get to wander wherever they want and do whatever they want as a guest in someone's house.

Wonder if since she has a toddler, if they have a spare stair gate or something they can bring. However if your other relative has an allergy to dogs, surely there will be allergens all over the house even if the dogs not there!?

With very annoying children no doubt.